Kissing Is the Easy Part

Chapter 37 The termination

Flora

I snubbed Sean since the party just like I was supposed to, and frankly I wasn't sure if I was hurting him or myself. He had looked a little hurt when I drove away that night, but it was dark and I was confused so I wasn't entirely sure.

When he said he liked me I thought I would feel like giving myself a triumphant pat on the back for finally getting what I wanted, but I didn't. I felt flattered, a bit sad, and strangely I even felt a flicker of indignant anger.

I was exactly the same person a year ago. All I ever wanted to do was make him happy and win his approval. I loved him and worshiped him, but he had called me spoiled and selfish and said he was disappointed in me. Now he liked me again and he seemed to think everything was okay again, that I should kneel and kiss his feet just because the king had shown a little interest my way.

I could tell he didn't know what he wanted, so really what was the point of telling me? After I threw him the best party of the century and the best kiss he could possibly have since we broke up, he still couldn't make up his mind. He handed over this little confession on a silver plate as if it was some kind of present, but there was nothing that followed.

No "I realized what a jerk I had been before and I should have appreciated you more."

No "I finally know what a mistake I made and I want you back."

Not even "Can I take you out for a coffee date tomorrow and we can start over?"

Just "I like you but I don't know and I'm not asking anything."

Perhaps his royal highness thought I could take it from there and persuade him some more. I just hated myself for forever trying to win him over, and I hated his uncertainty and his hesitancy, although this hatred was intricate, woven with a strong desire and I really despised myself. He could never be sure of us the way I was with him. I could not feel his determination.

I wanted to answer badly as I ignored his calls, and when I went to school I had to refrain myself from talking to him. He looked friendly but also indifferent as if he got a private lesson from Sandra himself, as if he didn't care either way and if I did I should pick up where he left off and fling myself at him.

I decided to keep ignoring him. By the end of the first week it had finally become clear that Sean felt a little agitated.

He caught me at my locker one day after school.

"Hi, Flora," he said casually, although I knew there was nothing casual about this greeting.

"Hi." I lifted my eyes from my books and glanced at him coolly.

"Are you doing anything afterwards?"

"No, I'm just going to drive home." I slammed my locker door shut.

"Can I walk you to your car?"

Boys are so pathetic. He was willing to savor what few minutes he could have but he couldn't bring himself to ask me out on a proper date.

We walked to my car in silence, and I realized how easy it must have been for him to date me back then. He never had to worry about a thing. I was pushy and aggressive and I initiated all the early encounters, openly gushing about how much I liked him. I started talking right away and kept him entertained, making jokes and trying to awe him with my wits while he just smiled at me coolly and threw in an occasional comment about how interesting I was. I spent hours attempting to look good for him and when I showed up the only thing he had to say about it was how I was late again. It struck me finally of how unfair it was.

When I still didn't say anything, Sean opened his mouth. "Flora, are you mad at me for some reason?"

"What gives you that idea?"