A World Alone - D.R.

nineteen

It was raining when Dan left the flat, he'd not stopped to grab his coat, and the downpour was starting to seep through his jumper. He didn't have a destination in mind. It was more occupied with the events that had just occurred in the flat he was running from. Wherever the pavement and his legs were taking him was where he would end up eventually. The letter with the details of Jade's appointment was balled up in his fist, and he shoved the pregnancy test into his jean pocket realising that walking around London with a pregnancy test in hand was definitely a little weird. His legs carried him into the park a few streets away from Jade's flat, and lucky for him, it was empty. He sank into one of the benches closest to the gate entrance, ignoring the standing water soaking his jeans.

He wasn't quite sure what he was doing there. He knew he was being unfair, and he knew Jade was right. This wasn't the time for kids - for either of them, but why hadn't she told him? Was potentially having a family with him that terrible of a thought? He shook his head and pulled the pregnancy test back out of his pocket. He stared down at the two dark lines on the stick. The rain continued to pour down, continuing to soak Dan though to his skin. Almost as soon as he pulled out the test he knew he needed to go back. There was no point in him sitting out in the rain, getting cold and probably sick. He did know he needed the thinking space, though he could probably have done in their bedroom. 

Dan swore aloud, suddenly glad of the terrible rainy english weather, keeping everyone inside at home with their mugs of tea. The image of Jade sprung to mind, curled up on the opposite end of the sofa with a massive mug of tea in her hands as she flipped through a textbook resting on her lap. No, babies, kids were definitely not on the cards right now. She might be able to juggle a kid if it wasn't his and if she were dating a normal guy with a normal job. He wouldn't even be able to be around that much to spend time with his own kid if they had them now. He'd be off jetting to the different nooks and crannies of the world while he left Jade to struggle alone with their child. Dan knew he was a bit of a dick at times but he wasn't a complete piece of shit. As the thoughts swirled around in his head, the more and more sure Dan became that Jade had made the right decision, though even if he disagreed, he wasn't about to stand in her way. This was always going to be her decision, and he knew he'd support her through thick or thin.

***

Jade looked up as the front door slam punctuated the silence.

"Shit," she whispered into the quiet of the room. the word tended to be her new coping mechanism, but it didn't do much to help. Her stomach clenched itself in knots, and she ran a hand over her face, and headed to the sofa, collapsing into its soft warm embrace. Her phone was still in her back jean pocket, and she dug it out. Unlocking it, she opened her messaging app, and tapped on Dan's name. The blue line blinked in the text space, and Jade had a sinking feeling in her stomach. Suddenly at a loss for what she could actually say. If there even was anything she could say to make him come back. She sighed, and ran her hands through her hair, almost ripping her hair out to try and prevent her from throwing her phone across the room at the wall. She covered her eyes with the heels of her hands, and rubbed her eyes hard, the pressure sending splotches of colour blooming in the darkness. He phone vibrated in her lap, and she sighed and picked it up, ready to dismiss whatever meaningless notification it was. Jade's eyes widened as as he took in the notification, and without even clicking through, she unlocked the phone and started dialling.

***

Dan was still sat on the park bench, still not sure how he could apologise to her after walking out on her. The summer sky was still light, even though the dark grey rain clouds, though they had since moved away, taking the heavy rainfall with them. He sighed, and looked down at his phone screen he was holding in place of the pregnancy test. Before he could go to open his own phone app, the screen lit up with a call, and Dan ran a hand over his face before answering.

"Hey," Dan answered.

Jade's voice was quiet on the other side of the line, "Hi."

"You okay?" They'd both asked the question at the same time. There was a long pause as they both tried to figure out what to say next.

"I'm okay," Dan said finally. "I'm in the park down the road."

"I'm sorry," Jade replied. "I'm really sorry I- "

Dan' eyebrows raised, "Why are you apologising?" He interrupted. "You're well within your rights to make the those choices for yourself. It's your body! It's up to you!" He sighed, and ran a hand over his face. "I just don't know why you waited so long to tell me?"

Jade's voice was thicker than usual, "I don't know," she took a shaky breath in. "I guess-"

"Wait, Jade, I'm coming back home," Dan interrupted her for the second time. "Let's do this together, not over the phone," He said as he stood up. "I love you."

"I love you too." Jade replied, her voice wobbled, but she hoped the phone line would disguise it.

Dan pressed the red hang up button, and stood, ready to head back to Jade's flat.

***

Jade hadn't noticed when the door opened, and Dan walked into the room. She was still sat on the sofa buried under the duvet they'd dragged into the living room earlier in the day. He hovered at the doorway, and emptied his pocket of the pregnancy test and the damp appointment letter and held them gingerly in his hands. He took a step into the room and dropped them on the coffee table.

"I love you Jade," He said, dropping to the floor crossed legged in front of her head resting on the arm of the sofa. "Can I kiss your forehead?" He asked. Jade nodded in response, and Dan pressed his lips to her head. "I love you so much, and I'll be with you every single step of the way on this." He said as he pulled away.

Her eyes were still closed, "Why did you leave?" She asked him softly, her voice barely more than a whisper.

Dan shook his head, "I don't know, I was pissed." He sighed. "You didn't tell me and you made the decision before you even told me?"

Jade opened her eyes and sat up on the sofa, her legs crossed in front of her as she faced him. "It's not your decision to make!" She spoke sharply, her voice was still husky from the tears she had shed while he was walking back home. "It's my choice!"

Dan nodded. "I know that! Did you think I'd force you to keep it?" He was speaking quietly.

"No!" Jade all but shouted, and wished she had a strepsil nearby. "I just," She sighed and looked down at her hands and her freshly shortened fingernails, courtesy of her anxiety. "I don't know, I just— I thought maybe you'd be upset that I didn't want it now, and that we'd need to change our lives and I wouldn't be able to cut because i couldn't ask you to give up driving, and i'd be the only one who could look after the kid, and-"

"Stop!" Dan said, catching her hands in his. "This is the right decision for us both Jay, I just wish you'd told me. You know I'll support you in everything and anything!" Jade was crying again, and Dan sat up on his knees in front of her, wiping them away from her cheeks. "I love you."

Jade looked at him through her eyelashes, too apprehensive of the look on his face as he looked at her. He pulled her into a hug, and she didn't object, resting her head on his shoulder and the tears ran freely, and his hands softly stroked the back of her head.