Poison [[Eren x Reader]]

Chapter 26

hi guys ! please remember that y/n's thoughts are really fast paced and all over the place because she can't process things fast enough. i love u all <3 __________________________________________________________

Things have calmed down since Eren's dad finally left and I've been staying at his house for the past week. School started a couple of days ago and I've been driving to campus whenever I have class, but thankfully the times for Eren's classes aren't too different from mine. He hasn't gotten irritated with me since, but it's still jarring that he snapped at me out of nowhere. It's normal for couples to argue, but it came out of nowhere. I won't think about it too much, though. I still love him and I know he still loves me.

Things have been perfectly fine, almost too perfect, and it's stressing me out because he's acting as if nothing ever happened. I understand that he doesn't have to explain himself, especially since I'm sure that he's tired of always having to do it because of my insecurities. I've grown a lot since Eren's been in my life and I'd hate it if I were to backtrack into my old habits.

I just wish he'd realize how stressful this was for me, too.

As selfish as that sounds, I tried to make sure that everything was okay because the last thing I'd ever want is for him to be hurt. He never texted me that day and I understand that he came back and was overprotective of me, but he never let me know what was happening. All I wanted was an update on the situation. I'd never tell him that because it would just sound like I'm trying to manipulate him. This isn't about me.

I glance over at Eren who's swaying on the swing next to me, feet pressed against the ground as he sits down on the seat. We've been at the park for a couple of hours and now it's nearly 2 in the morning. It's completely dark and there's no light illuminating our faces, leaving only our adjusted eyes watching each other from only a few feet away. Even though he's shown me that he loves me countless of times and he still proudly wears the ring around his neck, it's hard coming to terms with the fact that things are just different now.

And sometimes I catch myself thinking that I love him more than he loves me.

Which isn't too bad because he has a lot of bad memories that he needs to recover from, but I feel like I've been taking care of him so much and he hasn't returned any of it.

Which is also fine. I'm not nurturing him because I'm expecting something out of it, I'm doing it because I love him.

It can't be too bad because we've still been having sex regularly, but it just seems off, as if he's just fucking me like I'm a one-night stand. Just casual sex. It doesn't mean anything to him and it's noticeable. Maybe I'm just overthinking.

"You're so beautiful," Eren says with his eyes locked on mine, his arm extended out as his hand grasps onto mine to hold onto it tightly.

See, everything's perfectly fine.

"Thank you," I say while using my feet to push my swing closer to his body, making sure that my face is in front of his before pressing my lips softly against his cheek. Almost as soon as I pull away, his lips immediately attach onto mine to kiss me. Everything's going to be okay and I know that his kisses are reassuring me. "I love you."

"I love you, more."

That's the same response I've always gotten even before our relationship started to go downhill. I just don't know if I'm the only person who feels the ever-growing tension between us. Maybe it's just one-sided. It's probably my own imagination, right? Eren and I are supposed to spend the rest of our lives together so we were bound to argue eventually.

I've been writing in my journal about how I have been feeling throughout this entire time. I know I still love him, but I don't want to forget anything. It honestly sucks and I'm stuck in my thoughts about this entire situation. I can't confront him about this.