BOOM - And everything was different

Part 23

"You sure you're alright?" That's the tenth time Steve asked me this question this morning.

"Yeah, it's only school. I'll be fine. Yesterday was an one-time thing." I lied him straight to the face looking him dead in the eyes.

"As soon as you're feeling weird, call me and I'll pick you up." Yeah, because it worked out so well yesterday. I opened the door of the car and hopped out. While walking to my first class, I tried to avoid people, especially Curtis and Brooklyn.

School was horrible today. It was barely distracting me from my thoughts.

Why was I even trying to distract me? I mean, oky, let these thoughts take over. Let them drown me. What do I even have to lose?

"Marissa, what are you thinking about? You seem very lost in your thoughts. Do you mind sharing them?" my teacher asks me. Oh Jesus, you don't want me to share. Because then I would have to go and see the school's social worker. And lord, my therapist is enough. I don't need another person trying telling me what's best for me.

"Marissa, please tell the class what you are thinking about." I sighed.

"I was just thinking about a conversation I had with a friend this morning. I am sorry, I will listen." "I am sure you will. Continuing with the lesson, who knows something about enzyme activity?"

Some students raised their hands. I didn't care. I didn't fucking care. Biology is my least problem right now.

I don't know what we did for the rest of the class. I didn't listen. Half way through school day, I got a message from Steve telling me that Tani was going to pick me up.

I ate a little during lunch, not much. I was too exhausted by life to eat nearly anything.

When all my classes were over I walked outside of school and looked for Tani's car. It didn't long and I found her screaming at a boy who parked in a non-parking area.

I walked up to her while saying: "Leave that goddamn child alone." My tone was more like boring. But at least I tried.

"Oh hey Marissa. Steve told me that you had a hard time right now so I thought we could go and get ice cream. Does that sound like a good idea?" "Yeah I think so."

I didn't want to go and get ice cream. I just wanted to stay home and sleep and think and cry.

But no. Sozialize. A required skill to survive, or pretend to do so, in modern society. But honestly, I didn't want to survive. What's the deal with it anyway? You wake up every morning to go over the same routine over and over again. Then you go to school or work and spend there most of the day. Then afterwards you literally go back home and stay the rest of the day in bed.

So why doing this whole shit? For what?

Why not just giving up already?

That would be so much easier. 

Just letting go. Not having to worry about anything. The world would continue its spinning. So one person less on this stupid ass planet wouldn't even make a difference, would it?

No one would miss me anyway. I have Steve and his team. But I've known them for what? A couple months?

They didn't care about me. They've just done their jobs. And in combination with me their job was to take an eye on me.

And they did. Just not pretty good.

Guess nobody's perfect.

We arrived at an ice cream shop and after I got one ball vanilla and Tani I don't even know what kind, we walked to the beach.

"You know, you can always talk to me, right?" Yeah, I know.

"Yes, of course. Junior told me this too." She smiled ressuring at me. We talked a bit, or well at least she told me stuff and I barely opened my mouth, while eating the ice cream. Afterwards she drops me off at Steve's house and I walk straight in right into my room.

I throw myself on my bed, plug my headphones in and try to fall asleep.

After a while, a tear paved its way down my cheek.

Why does all this stuff happen to me? Why everything on me? Is it so hard to just split it up on multiple people?

I missed my parents. I wanted to see them so bad. I wanted to be reunited with them. I would trade seeing them again for everything in this world.

It went like this for a few weeks. I went to school. Acted like I am fine for a couple of hours. Got pick up by someone from Steve's team. Lied in bed the rest of the day. I didn't go out much, only if neccessary, I didn't eat much. I didn't socialize. At all.

One night I decided it.

Steve said goodbye to me in the morning. I walked to school, well kinda. I took a turn and walk towards the beach. I reached a cliff with a beautiful view.

I always wanted to fly.

So I shall fly.

Forever.