My Immortal

Chapt 15: Loss Of Innocence

Kiran:

It was nearly midnight when I felt the panic begin to rise. I had done something I had never pictured myself doing. I had killed a man with my bare hands. I left the drop ship, making my way to Mako's cave. I knew I could find calm if I found her. My mind was reeling, his blood still on my hands, drying into a sticky dark red mess.

The panic continued to rise as I came into the clearing near her cave. My feet just stopped, as I hit my knees below a tree. Curling into a ball, I could feel my tears running down my face, leaving hot and wet trails down in their place. It felt like no time had passed as well as an eternity had passed at the same time.

"What have I done?" I whispered to myself several times, ignoring my surroundings.

"Kiran?" A familiar voice spoke up.

I looked up at Mako, before looking back at my hands, still red with blood. "What have I done?"

"You saved your people by dealing with the traitors and showing Heda Leska that you are worth the effort." I could hear the concern in her voice as she moved to kneel in front of me.

I could feel the sick building in my throat. I pushed her aside, turning slightly and emptying my stomach. As soon as it was over, I wiped my mouth and looked at her. "Sorry."

"It's been a long time since I've seen you like this." She admitted softly as she pulled a rag from one of her pouches and started lovingly cleaning my face.

"I was never a front line soldier, you know that Mako. I've never had to... to..." I couldn't force the words out of my mouth. "To kill a person." I couldn't recognize my own voice, it sounded foreign to my ears.

"I'm sorry."

I opened my arms for her, needing to hold her. I needed to feel her heartbeat against my skin. "I did what I had to do." Mako slipped into my arms and pulled me close without a word of complaint. She always knew what I needed. "Are we safe for the time being?" I asked, laying my head onto hers.

"Your people are safe, for now. I have trusted sentries watching them too." She reassured me softly by raking her fingers through my hair, a calming measure that she had learned helped me when we first started dating.

I nodded. "Good." I shut my mind down, needing not to think about the blood on my hands, both literally and physically.

It was about an hour later that I felt her lips lightly brush mine. Mako's voice echoed in the darkness of my mind. "Come back to me?"

I blinked several times, tangling my fingers into the back of her shirt. "Sorry... just... I'm ok."

"No you're not." She whimpered softly against my lips. We held each other, silently for a few moments, before I broke that silence.

"I will be. It will be ok."

"Tell me how I can help you."

"Right now, just let me hold you... help me put myself back together."

"You're not in pieces. We are whole together."

I nodded, smiling softly. "Just let me hold you."

"I am and I'm never going to let go."

She pulled away slightly, standing and picking me up. She walked us into her home and over to her bed. She put me down on the bed and laid behind me. I curled into her arms, rolling over to bury my face into her chest. I muttered something unintelligible to us both, she leaned away slightly and asked me to repeat myself.