Locked, Loaded, Loved ✔️ COMPLETE | UNDER EDITS

Chapter 12.3--Natasha

I walked around outside until I found the spot where Clint and I used to hang out. I climbed up to our favorite tree and swung my legs over the edge of a branch.

"Hey, Nat."

I looked down and saw Bucky staring up at me. "Hey."

"You want some company up there? I know you came out here to be alone, but it's been an hour."

I smiled. "Come on up."

He climbed up and sat beside me. "Eggnog?" He handed me a thermos.

I laughed. "Thanks."

"Clint said you'd probably be out here. I hope I'm not intruding."

"You're not intruding, Bucky. I appreciate the company."

"So, about what happened...are you ok?" he asked.

I paused then nodded. "Yeah. I just needed some time to think."

"You're not having second thoughts, are you?"

I shook my head. "No. I love Steve and I'm going to marry him. It's just...everything is happening so quickly. We moved in together, we got engaged, Tony wants to throw us a party and got us tickets to Paris...I don't want something big and fancy. I want a quiet engagement. And maybe a beach ceremony for the wedding with just the team. Nothing crazy."

"Have you told Steve any of this?"

I glanced at him. "Not yet. I was planning on it after we opened our presents. But then Tony gave us the tickets and that kinda made me go into panic mode."

"I understand. He's gonna understand, Nat. Steve is a very reasonable guy and he's all for taking things slow."

I laughed. "Yeah, I know. Although, when it comes to our relationship, that's what we always say and then things end up going faster than intended."

Bucky raised his eyebrows. "The intimate details of your life with Steve are something I don't need to know about."

I punched his shoulder. "You're a doofus. That's not what I was talking about. But now that you brought it up..."

"Nope!" Bucky jumped down and I laughed, following.

"Look, Buck," I said, resting a hand on his shoulder. "I really appreciate the pep talk. And I know Steve will understand wanting to take a longer engagement. That's one of the reasons I love him."

He nodded. "I know. Look, I know this is an off-limits topic, but I can't stop thinking about what would've happened if you'd chosen to marry Alexei. Or rather, what if you hadn't and he never found out about us?"

I sighed. "Buck, we've been over this."

"I'm not trying to get in the middle of things. Believe me, Steve would kill me if I tried. But just think for a second—you would never have been happy with Alexei."

I raised an eyebrow. "I know that."

He kicked the ground with the toe of his shoe. "And face it—if we had escaped, if we had ended up running off into the sunset together like we planned..." he risked a glance at me although I was curious to see where this was going. It didn't sound like a confession of love. "...you still wouldn't have been happy."

I softened my gaze. "Buck, that's not true. I loved you. Once."

"I know you did. But we wouldn't've worked out. Trust me."

I nodded. "You're probably right." I felt bad. Bucky lost me to his best friend. Then he lost Emery to another partner because even though he and Emery had never been official, he was still heartbroken. I made a mental note to find him someone soon. Maybe Mandy? She was single as far as I could tell. Although I wasn't sure how Bucky would feel dating someone who owned a lingerie store...