The following weeks I couldn't stop thinking about the offer. I'm still unsure whether or not I should do it. I have been living my life fine for so many years so why would I suddenly want to bring him back?
Perhaps because I really do miss him. Or because I've been lying to myself saying that I can continue being sane and now I'm finally realizing it.
Good thing today I was able to decide to take a leave from my work and try to talk to Tommy about his organization. After all, he told me that he will not force me to avail the offer and he's only going to be explaining to me what the organization has been doing.
We decided to meet up in a cafe near their building because I think that is the most convenient for both of us.
"Mrs. Anders," he called upon arriving.
I was sitting in the alfresco dining area which is why he probably saw me immediately.
"Good morning, how are you, ma'am?" He took a seat in front of me. His smile didn't even leave his face which really made the atmosphere light.
"I'm great," I simply answered, "but please, spare me the introduction. I want to get down to business."
"Yes, of course ma'am." He raised his index finger before he took a folder from his suitcase then he presented it to me. "You can see there that I put together every currently available donor we have right now."
"How do you accept people who want to become donors?"
"They usually come to us and get counselling so that they would understand the program much better," he explained. "Then we will make them undergo exams in order for us to determine if they are ready to be a donor or if we still need to provide health assistance. Because we really need to make sure that the donors are in their 100% before we let them enter the selections."
"Is it true that some of them are suicidal people?" I further question while playing with the ring on my finger.
"Most of them are, but we guarantee every customer we serve that the donors will completely change their life perspective after the transfer of memory."
I looked down on the list in my hand to help me think clearly. Something in my mind keeps telling me that it won't hurt if I try to do this too. I've known a lot of people, some of them are even my friends, and they all tried the program long before it became known.
All of them are still with their donors and most of them are really happy that they grabbed this opportunity. But at the same time, I can't just let my mind decide everything for me, especially because it's my heart which is longing.
"Tommy," I quietly called his attention.
"Yes, ma'am?"
"May I meet the selections?"
"Definitely, yes." The smile that plastered on his face made me a lot more nervous compared to when I first thought of this idea.
With a subtle move he gently took the papers in my grasp. He placed them neatly in his suitcase before he proceeded to stand up and prompted me to do the same.
As I've mentioned earlier, their building is just a few minutes away which helped us get there faster. He was chatting with me on the way however only a fraction of the noise registers in my mind since I'm still busy thinking deeply.
"... after that ma'am, we will talk to the one that you've chosen so that you two can come to an agreement." Those were the last of what he has been telling me. To which I nodded my head.
I'm pretty sure he'll still repeat what he said to me during the process. That's why I didn't bother to ask him to repeat what he said.
Upon entering the building we immediately saw different people. The inside almost looks like a busy office. There are families sitting on the lounge crying, probably from anxiety while waiting to meet their new loved one.
Some of the agents like Tommy were all sitting on another corner inside of the building. They were chatting, talking on their phone, relaxing, and watching the others quietly.
All throughout our walk Tommy kept quiet until we reached the elevator. He sighed loudly and pressed on the 3rd floor button. Then he looked at me.
"You saw that family in the lobby?"
"Yeah."
Tommy shook his head. "It must have been a painful goodbye."
"What do you mean?" I asked with my eyebrows knitted.
"Sometimes the family of someone who is suicidal goes with them until they get admitted to our facility," he explained. "That's why they were crying."
"Oh." It must have been hard for them when that person walked away.
And that thought made me think twice. In order to get back what I lost, I may be taking someone from their family as if I wished to transfer my situation to somebody else.
"And we're here," Tommy announced. He cleared his throat and fixed his tie, loosening it while waiting for the elevator door to open.
We stepped outside as soon as it did. A big glass door with some inscription -"The Selection Center"- welcomed us to the floor.
"After you ma'am." He smiled at me, keeping the door open.
"Thank you," I politely expressed my gratitude.
The whole atmosphere changed as soon as I stepped inside. The walls were painted gray and the open space of the floor has huge windows, giving them the view outside. There are at most 7 heaters on the floor and a small lounge area where there's a TV and 2 sofas.
From the other end of the room opposite from where we entered stands another glass door. This time it says, "Sleeping Quarters". Tommy led me there and as usual he kept the door open for me.
The paint of the walls now became some sort of beige blue. It lightened the atmosphere in some way but still the silence killed me. Long enough we reached an intersection and Tommy prompted me to turn left where the sign on the wall points at and reads, "Meeting Room".
We continued walking until I finally saw some people sitting on sofas and in front of tables.
"Good morning everyone," Tommy greeted them on behalf of me.
The look on their faces made me quite nervous once again so even with a low volume I tried to greet them as well.
"Good morning," I said.
