He Changed

Nightmares

"You little bastard, how dare you be in my unit poisoning the men here, the real men , not the effeminate type like you. Your type disgust me, get down do thirty pushups."
Bang, the boot caught his ribs making him collapse to the floor,"I didn't tell you you could stop, start again!"

Jimin sat up in a cold sweat, it was a dream , just a dream, he glanced at the clock, three thirty. He shook his head , walking in just his boxers he made his way to the kitchen, gulping down some cold water, shaking off the nightmare.
" can't sleep either?"a voice said, startling the boy who shook in fear before realising it was Jungkook.
" thirsty," he replied.
"I felt too buzzed to sleep, I'm tired but used to sleeping in a room full of men, feels weird on my own!"
Jimin nodded," Er um, do you Erm want to sleep in my room," he asked, hoping that if he said yes then he might himself feel calmer.
"you sure, you didn't sound keen earlier?"
" jungkook just come," he said pulling the boy along.
" I'll try not to bang your ribs," he muttered.
" hush, go to sleep," Jimin said.
They both closed their eyes and both were quickly in a deep sleep unaware of the way they both cuddled together Jungkooks leg going over Jimin his hand around Jimins waist where Jimin clung onto it, his stressful sleep calmer now he had his comfort zone there.
Jungkook woke up feeling refreshed, he felt a warmth on his chest, looking down he saw Jimin cuddled on him one hang intertwined with his.He smiled to himself, he'd missed this,he'd missed him,his secret crush, his other arm was curled around Jimins back, he smoothed his hand down gently to the boys hip not wanting to wake him but allowing himself the pleasure of touching the boy. His fingers stopped encountering a bandaid, poor Jimin must have taken quite a tumble.
Jimin was half asleep on the brink of waking, suddenly in his nightmare zone, he could feel that devils hands on him what was he going to do next," please stop don't hurt me," he cried.
"Jimin....Jimin wake up!"
His eyes shot open, tremors still overtaking his body from the nightmare .
"Jimin....you were having a nightmare,"
The small boys eyes looked glazed, terror in the depth of them, before he shook of the nightmare and stared at Jungkook embarrassed.
"I'm sorry Kookie, did I wake you up, huh, Erm bad dream,"
"What about Jiminshee?" The concerned boy asked.
"Oh, Er, can't remember," he lied," what time is it?"
"Ten," Jungkook said still staring at the boy in concern.
"Oh best get up I'm starving," he said fake smile in his face.
"Ok , see you soon, I'll just shower and dress," jungkook got up to go to his own room, stopping and turning to the other,"Jimin you know you can talk to me if somethings wrong , don't you."
"Of course, Kookie, it was just a dream," he lied, how could he tell the one he loved what a weak disgusting human being he was, how he'd let someone diminish his self worth both verbally and physically, he could imagine the disgusted look on his and the other boys faces if they found out, they would never let themselves be treated like he had.He was just glad none of them had the bad experience he'd had,at least that was something to be happy about, he loved these boys,they were the closest to family he'd ever had.
Eating breakfast the boys laughed and joked about finding their old habits sneaking back easily.Jimin didn't interact but just watched enjoying the repartee and actually laughing when Tae chased Jungkook who had swiped his banana milk off of him.he had really missed this he thought tears coming to his eyes which he quickly brushed away glad the others were occupied and hadn't seen.

Two weeks passed, the boys had rested, done their own thing for the first couple of days then slowly got back into their working life, holding meetings discussing the route they wanted their songs to go , training in new dance steps and getting their voices up to par.
Jimin had felt secure, his ribs healed and he could be heard humming their old songs, his keep fit routine at a minimum until his ribs healed then he gradually got to the gym, making all of them laugh as he got in front of jungkook on the running machine facing him and jokingly copying his movements.

Today they had a radio and tv appearance. They were introduced to the presenter at the tv studio who gave them the gist of the questions he would ask and they all settled in place.
The questions and answers were going well, how were they, what songs they may have planned for a comeback,were more going to be in English as they seemed fairly confident using the language....and then the questions Jimin hadn't wanted. The presenter asking if their military enlistment had gone well the high points, the boys sharing stories, reminiscing on how they had found it very different at first but got used to it and how they had excelled in certain areas, all normal talk but Jimin was silent the whole time his stress levels high.
"So Jimin, what did you enjoy as part of army life"
Jimin stared at the presenter then overriding the conflict inside himself he said," Nothing," causing RM to glare at him and the others to shuffle in their seats nervously,they were after all supposed to set an example for their generation .
"Haha," the presenter laughed nervously before asking again,"oh come on, tell us what did you think of military life?"
Jimin stared stony faced,"it was an experience never to be repeated " he said, sincerity in his voice.
RM laughed saying," Jimin likes his creature comforts," he put forward ,again glaring at Jimin in a 'what the fuck' way.
The interview continued,Jimin getting up from his seat and exiting as soon as it was over.
The ride home was silent, once back Rm blew his top,"Jimin what the fuck, we are supposed to set an example, yet you basically told them military life was shit,I hope your going to do better in the radio interview !"
"Whatever," Jimin said, ignoring the rest and going to his room, until they had to leave again.
The radio interview progressed much as the first,Jimin keeping quiet, seething inside as the others spoke about how wonderful their life had been, what a great experience blah blah blah, he turned off , if they didn't want to hear what he had to say then he'd keep quiet, humming a tune in his head before he became aware of Hobi tapping his arm frantically,"hmmm?"
The radio presenter laughed," Jimin I was saying we missed you,"
"Thank you "he said fake smile in place.
"So the others have told us about their army life, what about yours,I understand you were the only one without one of your colleagues there?"
"Yes,I missed them a lot."
"So did the army influence you in any way?"
"It was an experience,"he said stomach churning.
"So what did you take with you about military life?"
He glared at RM before saying,"never to do it again,"
The boys looked worriedly at the presenter hoping this line of conversation wouldn't carry on, but the presenter obviously thinking Jimin was joking let out a laugh," you're so funny Jimin," she said.
"Yes, that's me , the joker in the pack."
  Interview finished the boys thanked the presenter and left in the van.
"Jimin I told you to be careful," RM said.
"Why did you put such a downer on the military, it's wrong Jimin," Jungkook spoke up.
"Bit childish,Jiminee," Tae remonstrated .
All the while Jimin kept quiet, hands clenching, how easy it was for them he thought.
They got back to the dorm, Jimin went to walk to his room but RM demanded a meeting.Jimins temper was hanging by a thread he just wanted to be in his own, thoughts of the blade going through his head, just once he was thinking, just a small scar to make him feel in control.
"Right, I need to make things clear,we are older and as such should show responsibility in the things we say and do, so outbursts like today Jimin are not acceptable, many look up to us and if we run the military down they will too. It's ridiculous, I know it wasn't the same for you as it was us, we had a friend to be with, but surely the friends you made helped you cope, why make such a big deal of it, we all had to do it!"
Jimin stared around the table, the others nodding in agreement, he started laughing and couldn't stop......."what's  so funny, this is serious ,Jimin," said Jin.
The small boys laughter started sounding slightly hysterical,"you've no idea, no fucking idea at all," he yelled storming away from the table and racing to his room , thoughts of the blade more urgent now.
"Wow, he sounded really angry,"
"He's like a child that's been told off,"
" He will get over it."
Jungkook listened to all this, he felt a foreboding , this wasn't Jimin, yes he had a temper but something didn't seem right.
"I'm going to my room," he said to the others, knowing he had to just check Jimin was ok.
He got to Jimins door about to knock then thought if Jimin was in a mood he probably wouldn't let him in if he knocked, so taking the bull by the horns he grabbed the handle and marched in, totally unprepared for the sight that greeted him.
Jimin had rushed into the room, he needed to feel in control, he needed that rush that he got slicing his skin. Grabbing the blade he grabbed a towel then standing in his room he pulled the edge of his trousers and boxers down, slicing across the faint scars already there, blood immediately pouring out......,the door opened and he froze blade in one hand while the other held the edge of his clothes down and there stood Jungkook, his face showing the shock at what he was seeing,"J-Jimin?
"Fuck off....just leave me alone , let me be!" He screamed at the other boy, making him back out the room, shutting the door as he heard someone come up to investigate the yelling.
"What's up now?" Said an irritated Suga," that mouthy shit moaning still,"
" no....no hyung,Er he got annoyed because I dropped something of his, leave him be he's tired ," Jungkook said ushering him away and going into his room to sit on his bed,Jimin, his sweetJimin was self harming, why, what an earth made him do this.
Jimin had rushed to the door as soon as Jungkook left , lockingit but hearing Suga and Jungkooks conversation , at least he knew that he had kept what he'd seen to himself.he sank to the floor crying, just when would this nightmare end?

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