On This Roller Coaster That We Call Life-z.j.m [[discontinued]]

Chapter 37

Deeandra's POV

“I won’t let these little things slip out of my mouth…” Harry’s voice echoed through my ears as I let more tears slide down face. I wanted to go to sleep but I just couldn’t. Zayn kept me from sleeping and he wasn’t even trying to. I wiped the tears off my face and sat up on the huge bed. I was cold. Even though I was just wrapped in thick, warm sheets. I brushed my hair off my shoulder and stretched my arms up. I really was tired. I just wanted to sleep. But I couldn’t. I had gotten so accustomed to sleeping with Zayn’s arms around me that I literally couldn’t sleep without him. I sighed out of frustration. I swung my legs over the edge of the bed and slowly got up. I pulled my headphones out of my ears and left them and my phone on my bed. I must’ve looked a sight. My make up all smudged, my hair all matted and tangled, my simple baggy sweat pants and plain white tank top. I didn’t care. Who did I have to impress anyway.

I was thirsty, so water was a good idea. But walking out and possibly running into Zayn wasn’t. I stood by my bed, chewing on my lip, contemplating the idea. Even if I do run into him, I can just pretend I don’t see him. It’s pretty dark in the house by now. I’m thirsty, there’s water downstairs, I’m going. I opened my door with full confidence. I marched my way downstairs (quietly) and made my way into the kitchen. Everything was so quiet. I couldn’t even hear Brooklyn and Harry having sex. Or Niall singing and strumming his guitar for Katy. The house was kinda dark. But Zayn’s backyard doors let in amazing amounts of gorgeous moonlight. I slowly made my way into the kitchen and quietly rifled through the cupboards for a glass. I finally picked one and walked over to the water dispenser, filling up the glass. I quenched my thirst, drinking every last drop of water. Just as I was about to set the cup down in the sink, I heard a door open slowly.

I froze. Who is it? Who’s coming inside? Or leaving? And from where? Maybe it’s that girl Zayn slept with earlier, leaving. Maybe he’s going with her. All these negative thoughts came running through my mind again. I shook my head and started walking out of the kitchen, staring at my feet. I saw another pair of bare feet in front of mine, before I bumped into someone gently.

I was too scared to look up. I knew who it was. I stared at our feet and stayed frozen in that spot. I then smelled something. I didn’t like the smell. Smoke. Zayn was outside smoking? I thought he quit? His beautiful, low, tired voice kicked in. “I’m sorry.” I bit my lip and simply nodded. I swerved out of his way and tried to speed walk up to my room. I felt a strong hand softly grab a hold of my arm. “Deeandra…” I stared forward and bit hard onto my lip. I just wanted him to let me go so I could run upstairs into my room and cry… I didn’t answer him. I just stood still and waited for whatever he was gonna say or do next. His grip on my arm wasn’t tight at all so I slowly tried slipping my arm out of his grasp. My arm was just about to be free when my hand finally reached his. He grabbed a hold of it. He held my hand lightly “Deeandra...” His voice sounding lower…sadder… I felt the tears coming in quick. They flooded my eyes and were about to fall and I could do nothing to stop them.

He gently stroked my hand with his thumb as the silence took over. I felt the tears rush down my cheek and watched as they fell onto my feet. “I’m so sorry…” His voice was cracking. Was he crying too? I’ve never ever see Zayn cry. I bit my lip even harder and didn’t reply. I didn’t know what to say to him. “Please say something…please..” He pleaded softly. “…what do you want me to say…” I was able to squeak out. “Anything, Deeandra!..” His voice dripping with pain and tears. Hearing him sound in so much heartache made it worse for mine. I cried harder. It got quiet again. Zayn held my hand tighter and he was still behind me. “Please forgive me…I’m so sorry...”  I don’t know where the courage came from but I asked “Who was she?” He quickly replied, “No one who mattered to me. She was nothing. I don’t care about her at all. You’re the one I want, I swear…” He started slowly pulling me closer to him. “Please, let me hold you..” He pulled me closer and closer. “Zayn…” I pulled myself back to my original spot and cried more. I just didn’t think I could handle him holding me right now. No, I knew I couldn’t. He was still holding onto my hand and held it even tighter as he said, “Please Deeandra.. I’m sorry….I love you so much…”

I couldn’t handle this…He loves me? Since when? You don’t cheat on someone you love though. Oh but just to hear him say it…I was beyond confused. I yanked my hand away and ran upstairs. I made it to my room and closed the door. I leaned against my door just incase anyone tried to come in. I started sobbing uncontrollably. I slowly slid my way down to the floor and pulled my knees up to my chest. I held them tightly and cried into them. “I love you too Zayn… I love you too…”