Clutching Hope

Chapter 1

Unedited

"I'll be right back," I said to one of Sion's twins who had been on food serving duty with me once everyone had a plate and walked off into the house.

Placing my plate on the kitchen counter, I sighed in relieve.

"Finally." I mumbled to myself as I sat on one of the backless chairs and dug in, scrolling through my phone and  took any extra time I could get.

Once I was done, I eyed the milling crowd outside as I turned to throw the plastic plate in the bin beside the fridge and stared at everyone out the window. If anyone hadn't come calling, why expose myself? And then I saw my mum watching me from where the parents sat chatting. She shook her head with a smile. My face grew hot as I averted my eyes. Of course she'd notice.

I wandered down the hall after looking around the living room and turned left. My steps stalled.

At least in here I'd have some peace of mind for a couple of minutes. As I shugfled through the hallway, I looked at the artwork mounted on the walls. Abstract images here and there but most were of beautiful black people. Women in various poses or out doing things, men in gatherings, some images of lovers bracing, men and women of varying ages staring back at me, jolly communal gatherings where the old and the young mingled, harmony in abundance. They were displayed over hang canvases, framed pictures and  some printed or original authentic wax prints from Maasai Mara market.

I smiled.

There was celebration of who were as a people in this house, from the jovial raucous mood that had moved from the living room and spilled from the front lawn to the backyard through the side entry, to what he liked decorating the walls of his home.

I'd been here for a while now, at the house I mean, and not because I was captive, but here in this moment, I felt at peace. I'd been invited to the cook out. But when you're awkward and prefer the quiet and your sibling is a wild, rowdy people's person, you end up in places like this more often than not because it's just you two and no other sibling to buffer the begging and annoying guilt tripping. Not that I hate it per say but I'm not wholly comfortable in the whole huge gatherings, loud music, abundant food and games and friendliness thing that much.

I like things a little calmer, but my brother just never really understood that. In his world, things are fast paced, joyful and shared with others. I like that about him, his joy and how he has a copious amount to go around. Watching him sharing it gives me an odd peace of mind, as I live through his selflessness.

Humming along to Kaka Sungura's Dundaing song blaring from the speakers outside and demanding to be heard over celebratory chatter. I trace the angles of woman's face on one of the canvases mesmerised by her endearing gaze as she sits with her face leaned on her palm, nails did, face beat, hoop earrings glinting as they caught the light, moisturized body glowing with a light hue of golden shine body butter on her chest.

The last time I'd been by this place-weeks ago-we'd only stopped for a greeting. We were getting back from dinner at our parents house who lived near Athi River and since my brother had a car and I didn't, he'd decided to cart me around until he was ready to call it a night.

Today he'd plunged me into the deep waters of social gatherings by asking we come in early and hadn't made room to hear my excuses when I said I'd come by later. I'd begged off at first saying I was busy, then dropped to 'I'd maybe come say hi'. He refused to hear that knowing  I would have showed and left soon. That was a much better plan and it always worked, if I'd been given the chance to choose. I mean I really might not have come if left to it and overthought things but a little lie never hurt anybody. I could have send a text, voice memo perhaps to ease the sting, or something. All of this in the name of, 'the less time I spend in the environment where Sion resided or would most likely pop up, was for the better'. After spending most of the week putting on the finishing touches on my merch, I had needed the day out and lots of rest.