My First Dance (& Other Tales from Highschool)

In Which I Get A Secret Admirer

Valentine's Day. I'd never had a dull one. It wasn't like I was always swooned over or anything-- I hadn't even had a date before! -- But that didn't make the day any less fun. I love the color scheme and all the pretty, romantic decorations. Even when I was pretty little, I can remember looking at the stores all made up for the holiday with wonder. I like going on "dates" with my parents and getting chocolates from my friends. I like handing out Valentine's to my classmates and watching the cheesy romance movies on Lifetime. I get that it's kind of rare for someone to like Valentine's Day as much as me, but it's honestly my favorite holiday of all.

As you can imagine, highschool does Valentine's Day a little differently than middle school. Instead of passing out Valentines and getting candy for our teachers, our school was planning on putting on a formal dance and selling roses at lunch for people to give to their significant others. I still went to the dance with my friends, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a bit bummed out. Everything that made Valentine's Day special at school was gone, and in its place were things for couples.

It was the first time I ever felt sad about not being in a relationship. I wasn't necessarily jealous; I had plenty of other things that were going great for me. There was just a yearning I hadn't felt before, looking at my classmates holding hands in the hallways and getting roses from or for their partners. It was the first time I really thought about the things I was missing out on. I just wanted to give it a try.

My friends made it worse. Vick had a boyfriend by now and Sienna had a fling, so it was just me and Syd who could relate to the loneliness. That is until she was asked to the dance by a boy in her art class, and I was left alone while my friends had fun. I was really happy for them, but I felt excluded when they'd go on triple dates and leave me at home. I know it would have been awkward to be a third wheel to three couples, but we normally did everything together. They never left me behind for other stuff. Why shouldn't my favorite holiday be the same?

Still, I was growing up and realizing that not everything could be mine. This was just another step to that. My friends wanted to have time with their dates, and if I didn't have one, there wasn't a place for me there. It hurt to work through, but looking back, I think it's something that needed to happen.

Anyways, all of this stacking up did make my Valentine's Day excitement dull. I still liked seeing the decorations and the weekend before, I went out for dinner with my parents. My dad got me a teddy bear and it was honestly the cutest one I'd ever seen. I named her Minnie and put her on my dresser, where she still sits to this day. My mom, on the other hand, noticed that I was having some trouble with my friends being gone so much, so she made sure to watch some stupid movies with me and bake some holiday-themed desserts and try to make the adjustment a little bit easier. My mom can always tell when something is wrong, even when I'm too awkward to tell. I love her for it.

I wasn't expecting much when I went to school that Valentine's Day. I picked out an outfit I thought looked cute and went to school feeling peppy. Regardless of how the holiday had turned out so far, I was still happy that it was time for my favorite holiday. I listened politely while my friends talked about what their date did and this and that; I was going to tell them about the funny movie my mom and I had watched the night before, but I decided against it. I still felt awkward trying to adjust to them talking about guys so much.

At lunchtime, some of the upper classmen were sitting at a reserved table. I wasn't sure why they were there, but I also didn't pay much attention. I just started eating and talking to my friends again. Then, one of the girls from that group stood up, clapping her hands. She announced that they were giving out the surprise roses and for everyone to be quiet while they called names. I inwardly sighed and went back to my food. There was nothing to be excited for. My friends already had their dates; there would be no surprises for us.

It turns out that the universe doesn't like being predictable. It likes being the exact opposite. As I was sitting there, eating my sandwich in silence and wishing the upperclassmen could talk a little faster, I heard a name I hadn't expected to hear at all. Do you know what's coming yet?

Yes. It was my name. My name! I looked around at my friends, flustered and confused as I covered my mouth. Chewing faster so I didn't look stupid, I walked up to the table and accepted the rose from a person who signed as anonymous. Who could have gotten me a rose? Were my friends up to it? I looked around, scanning the crowd for any kind of reaction from anybody, but nobody gave off any clues. Not wanting to remain longer than wanted, I made my way back to the table where my friends questioned and teased me. It didn't seem like any of them knew anything either.

The roses were gone soon after, and I still had no idea who could be behind my surprise. There weren't any boys who'd shown interest in me, at least not to my face. Even if they had, I wouldn't have confronted them anyway. That would be weird. Besides, if I was wrong about who'd given me the rose, that would be mortifying. Instead, I looked around the cafeteria, still trying to get a read. Time ticked by and I still hadn't figured it out. The bell rang, and I was forced to go to my next class without the answers I was looking for.

I didn't have any additional luck throughout the day. Nobody in my class seemed to be looking at me funny or, on the contrary, trying to avoid me. Maybe it wasn't somebody who knew me at all, and my only chance to figure things out was in the cafeteria. Or maybe it was an upperclassman that I'd never be able to see. I had no idea, but it was driving me crazy not knowing who gave me that rose.

I went to my locker, balancing my stuff in one arm and turning my combination with the other. I was being more careful than usual because of the rose. I didn't want it to get accidentally smashed by one of my textbooks if I dropped everything. I was just about done getting my things put away when I felt a tap on my shoulder.

I turned around to find a familiar face. It was Warren, and I'd just seen him in my last class. He was a guy in my grade who was in a few of my other classes too. If you'd told me he would be greeting me at my locker, I would have laughed. He hadn't shown any signs of interest in me at all. By the look of the smile on his face now, though, I knew I'd found my used-to-be-secret admirer. "Are you the one who gave me this rose?" I asked, holding it up for him to see.

"Yeah. I've noticed you in some of my classes. Wanted to make a good impression before I actually asked for your number today." He flashed me a smile, causing my cheeks to heat up.

I didn't know him too well, but I'd noticed him before too. He's a handsome guy and he was the smartest in our history class. I thanked him for the rose and told him it was really sweet. The hallway was starting to empty as everyone got done at their lockers. Warren gave me his number and we started talking. In the end, it didn't work out like that, but we're still good friends to this day, and I'm really glad I got to know someone as cool as him.