"Chronicles Of Bondservant Vol.3"✨ "Confessions Of A Womanizer Journey"

"Mental , Emotional Frustration w/you‼️" Pt.3

   Hey, babe lately I feel like we've been unbalanced in our communication. I mean we can't even talk to each other. Ever since the other night of elated intimacy, I realized that you built a safe space in my heart. When you placed your pride to the side and came back around from being in your feelings I understood how deep our connection really lies and now I'm forced to be without that either! I'm too of everything else I know that I'm truly a King feeling like I'm being forced to be without a Queen.

    I don't get it, I continue to try to figure out what's missing? I'm hurt but it's not your fault. I've learned how to love you too much.  I've always wanted you as bad as the air we need to breathe. At the end of the day, It's all good. I want and seek answers but they are not for me to have nor receive in this manner. We made a vow to keep our temples pure away from each other this month. 

   I must say baby I'm so "mentally" "emotionally" and "sexually" "frustrated" with you that I can't touch your soul, that I can't have you the way that I desire to devour your body whole. I need you, yeah I need you like a crackhead needs his pipe to get his fix to cure his itch. Umm, yes I'm fiending for you, I want to hear your tutu talk to me and go splish splash as you allow black magic to flirt with her and turn her all the way on like a light switch being flicked in the room.

   I know I've said some stupendous and outlandish and irrefutable things to you lately but I truly apologize respectfully! If I may be so poignantly honest, I feel like I'm losing my mind with you. I'm really emotionally distraught with you due to the things we continue to do to each other. In these selfish and demanding ways only thinking about our own feelings and emotions not the bigger picture at hand. I'm losing my mind with you. 

   Matters of the heart spiraling out of control unable to have you the way that I desire to possess you. Mentally frustrated and emotionally distraught without you. I see how selfish I've been as a man I see the error in my ways, I see the things that I must change. I'm definitely not blind to what I'm doing saying or how I'm making you feel. The only thing in my defense I can say without making any excuse is that I told you that I got to be hard on you. I got to be hard on us because I just don't want to settle for just any woman or any Queen. And, I hope you feel the same way just as I do. 

   This morning, when we got up to do our devotion at the kitchen table and I shared my dream. I fell in love with your spiritual insight God continues to allow to be placed on your heart is what has me falling in love with the person that you are over n over every single day. I can see your soul each and every day from my own point of view. Thank you‼️ I'm learning to trust you with my heart, I'm learning to trust you with my feelings, but right now I'm just so f****d up. I need you but I know we need this space too.

   I constantly feel your heartbeat, your openness has my attention my undivided attention at that. I wish that there are more days like the ones that we spend that only me and you can truly understand the spiritual connection and mental intimacy that we share.

  Come here... I look into your eyes my eyes water and tears begin to fall down my face. I honestly don't want to lose you. I'm so caught up in my own wounds and fears of rejection, Ivory I want you to be my wife. I don't want you to give up on us or give in on us because things are getting tough in both of our mentals. You're emotionally stressed, I'm emotionally stressed, and to top it all off I'm sexually frustrated. 

   Fiending for your warmth all inside of you. Can I have a kiss? come here... give me a kiss... Muah‼️ as we hug in the foyer of our living room I grab and squeeze you so tight and you squeeze me back. The same way I place my hand on the back of your head and press your head against my chest and we stood there rocking back and forth both with tear-filled eyes. 

   Can you "Picture This?", "Do you see us now?" Please listen to me Ivory I want you in my life for the rest of our lives. I know relationships like ours we're not meant to be easy. As you can see the things that we face right now are the things we battle with right now. But, it's all worth the fight, you got to believe that. It's imperative we keep God first we have to keep seeking him. If you don't truly seek him as much as I seek Him how can we make this work? We can make this work and last forever you know that right? Do what you know you have to do to make it work babes.
  Let me be a man and do what I must do to make this work because I'm tired of starting over ‼️ Part of me wants to say that you can afford to start over again with someone else. I don't truly have that option for real. Shh! You place your finger over my lips you pucker your juicy lips up and we kiss passionately. I stick my tongue deep in your mouth you stick yours in mine and we get tongue-tied for a hot little minute, I Love The Way You kiss Me.

"Close Your eyes...", "Picture This "Do you see us now?" As I grab and squeeze your ass tight pecked you on your lips before I let you go slapped your ass as you walk into the bathroom to run the shower. 

   I sit back down at the kitchen table and begin to pondering in my thoughts as I talk to God in my head. I say to him "Lord, I need your help, we need your help I'm not willing to give her up just because of my flaws. So not knowing how to talk to her, how to be insensitive to her, and at all times in a humble tone because I'm truly so aggressive in nature. Lord, I don't know how to be patient enough to be the man that is displaying caring abilities with her on a daily basis. I don't know how to be patient with myself first and foremost because I continue to make excuses in my head about the things she does to get under my skin when you and me both know that she's really giving the best effort she feels she can. But, I know she can do better you know she can do better and deep down inside her she truly knows that she can do better. As the head of my life as the head of this relationship that I am ensuing with her give me guidance give us guidance continue direction on how to teach each other your living word and how to make it plain for her to understand for me to apply in my walking relationship in this home that we are building together how to act like my wife how to act like my future wife prepare me to know what it means to be more than just a husband. Father God touch her heart, her mind, her spirit, her peace and give her clarity and discernment to see mines in its entirety. Show her that she has nothing to be afraid of because I truly don't want to hurt her at all in any way I asked these things in Jesus's name let me be all that she ever needs in this life in one man here and now always and forever Amen."

 You come back in as I finish my prayer and say hey love you coming? The water is going to get cold! As I get up from the table to follow you, your silk robe paints a canvas of sculpted beauty as you take your robe off and let it fall to the ground your voluptuous curves what's so seductively tantalizing you looked at me caught me looking at you up and down as your ass jiggled from side to side bouncing all around as you smiled and said come on babes and stepped into our walk-in shower. I came up out of my Hanes beater and Hanes briefs as the sight of your beautiful caramel body aroused me slightly. I stepped in with you, you let me get in front of you to face you as the shower water came down between us you tugged on black magic and he's stiff into his length as all my "Mental, Emotional and Sexual Frustration with you", began to fade away "close your eyes.." Do you see us now?