"Chronicles Of Bondservant Vol.3"✨ "Confessions Of A Womanizer Journey"

Are You My Star Pt.9

Here I am 5 years of solitude and the longing of my soul is very real, In seeking true companionship outside of my relationship with God. "Picture This..." Faith becomes the key that fits the door of Hope of finding that true star to play the role of your life partner but understand that there is no power anywhere like that of unconditional love for turning the doorknob for her to walk right into your life. I'm reminded of imagining my true need for devotion to a phenomenal woman outside of the realm of just any ordinary woman that I only find temporary satisfactions in my own selfish desires. That to me is more powerful, even profound than the seeking of companionship, so I strive to have unbiased auditions looking and truly searching for that special star. Praying God holds me together in this travesty of my life on this tedious journey. Hoping I don't fall to pieces or even wither away from the purpose intended for my life to come into pass, for now I truly know that no man can live for himself alone. I find every moment special and priceless that I'm giving to truly prepare myself for that special star God finally places in my life. As I look back upon my life's events and glean on the moments of knowing that I really began to live these moments they have allowed me to see how every transcribed event was all done and the things in my true nature of my spirit of love. Searching this world for my true star I think back to 2003 going into 2004 there you were "My Snow White beauty" , long blonde hair, blue eyes the color of the ocean water in Destin Florida. Damn you are beautiful! I caught you on a wing for simply being in the right place at the right time.. right outside in your school parking lot to my surprise you gave me conversation we exchanged our numbers and the birth of a 16 and a half year relationship of being platonic friends to merge right before our faces. Before I knew it we were in a relationship you met my parents I got to meet yours and who could have known they would actually like me just as my parents truly loved you. I remember so many prices memories, dang as I smile to myself I think about the times I was around your mother and girlfriend your brother was like 5 or 6 years old trying to get me to play with his toys as he showed me around his room. Shaking my head today you told me he's 22 years old with a baby on the way and about to make a young lady very happy to be his wife! Wow how time flies like days and summer skies, but the beauty of it all is that we were still here in each other's lives with an open line of communication blessings and praise do only to God for his time and his grace. As I awaken from my mental trance of "Daydream or was it "deja vu?" As I walked up the stairs to the kiosk to load my video visitation there you were still beautiful as ever soft spoken Gracefully yet effortlessly gorgeous as ever ,any real man's priceless treasure if you ever gave them the chance or so much as an opportunity to fully get to know you. Like seeing how very smart and intellectual you were knowing that your Future of Successfulness was sure. Even how witty and sensitive you can be. Even how hard you love or how much you care for others, what a great person and mother you strive to be.

How your beautiful smile brightens up anyone's day LOL smile for me as I smile with the most sneakiest grand thinking about how you sexually always satisfied me.. umm long and behold have her precious you treat me right I apologize that I never conveyed these words to your heart to touch the depth of your soul, but we both know the timings of the essence with us and every spoken word is timeless that allows time to stand still just for that brief moment for us to have "Anticipation" on what comes next between us. Does this audition unfolds it's not hard to see that the way you present yourself in the way you speak here monologue speaks volumes of letting me see only to remind me in remembrance that you're nothing less than a star you're always have been. Are you my true star I ask God? Am I being selfish to think that I could truly have you and do times remain by my side through dick and then to the very end this titties journey? "Mentally, Emotional n Sexual Frustration w/you" I've never had to encounter ever shaking my head, baby girl she's at the looking at you in the eyes for that brief 14 and a half minutes lost in my own abyss of my mind. Every night for the last 2 days I lay in my bed visualizing my mental image of you from the age of 16 to now 32 years of age and Stone Cold gorgeous to me not just on the outside especially on the inside. I'm capable of seeing you without seeing that allows me to know and even remember that from "The day I met you" till now I've always had a connection with you, that has stir the test of time and now if I can be brutally honest kind of eagered to see if God will allow me to make you all mine yet again. Not just temporarily again but this time for a lifetime!

See I think back to myself Kate from the very beginning we created "Our Secret Pages of Broken Heartedness" of infidelity and unfaithfulness to those we were in so called committed relationships with. In the midst of that the irony of it all we remained faithful to each other In preserving our special and unique bond so that it always remained intact. To top it off Every opportunity that presented itself we made it our business to see and have each other in any spontaneous way our lustful desires deemed us fervent with great felicity to do so. I don't know about you, but I've never had any regrets about nothing we've done or did from our timing, to our unbreakable friendship n Communication. Even to truly know what we had could have possibly always been more than what we made it but maybe it was all supposed to be just as it was to prepare us for this out appointed time and appointed season lives where our longings are that of the same things in our vulnerability. I find myself truly thinking how love feels no burden, thanks nothing of trouble, attempts what is above and strength please no excuse of impossibility for things truly that all things are lawful for itself and in our time I truly believe in my heart all things are possible that we both truly desire to manifest into our very existence. Can you honestly see that with us? "Do You See Us Now?" Possibly being one big Brady bunch family LOL smile Lord knows I would do anything to have a good loyal trustworthy woman like you by my side for the rest of my life. Funny thing I think to myself and ask this question now to you, 'what is so remarkable about love at first sight?...My answer... But it's truly so remarkable is when two people who have been looking at each other for years enjoy and never deepening expression of the love we have for each other. I ask you this Kaitlyn can you make that love unconditional can we make them love unconditional? Can we create a fire between us that never goes out? Is I chemistry worth more than just less? They say love the space and time measured by the heart, love is the master key which opens the gates of happiness and permanent Joy. Well we both long to have that, and I hopes of not having another failed marriage I remind myself that successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always over and over looking and embracing the heart the same person. Honestly want to see what it feels like to be in love with you that's my best friend, my lover, my real, and my backbone most importantly my soulmate my accountability partner and my true confidant of being my everything that becomes my life partner. GOD TRULY WILLING MY FUTURE WIFE! I know I'm dropping a lot on you right now , is this too much to Hope for? Is it possible for us to create "Our movie reel?" Are you that special lady I'm looking for to be my star? I'm growing fond of you all over again, I I think to myself I'll wait on you if you wait on me! You'll be my last audition and my need for survival will be over and seeking my own. I can humbly say you are worth every price this moment of giving my heart to you, do you see me worthy of the same token? I asked you again Kaitlyn Asokan "Are You My Star?"