I WAS JUST TRYING TO BE FUNNY | ✓

▬ 16: my ego is hard to swallow

            Would it be impossible for Miles to get through one day in proper uniform? Both a rude and hypocritical thought to have, yet I scowl at the sleeves shoved to his elbows, the white fabric creased and scrunched like a crisp packet and we've not had lunch yet.

Maybe it's nothing to do with his uniform and all to do with him because everything he does is annoying by virtue of him being the one that does it. You make ad hominem so tempting.

As I glare, he loosens his tie, then undoes the button behind it. He tugs the collar from his neck as if the fabric is an incessant chafe on his skin that distracts him lesson after lesson.

Is he doing it on purpose? He's teasing me.

I snap my focus away. 'We've not got any independent study together, so we have to meet up after school because I don't have time to tutor you both separately.'

Rustling distracts me back to Miles. Can't you just stay still for one conversation? (Hypocrite!) He pulls out an open bag of Haribo gummy worms and offers it out. 'You want some?'

Sonia digs out a small handful. With a smile, she stretches them until they snap in half and eats each flavour in turn.

I shake my head. 'I can't eat those.' Hopefully, my voice has recovered from its impatient bite.

His eyes flicker from the bag to me and back. 'Why?'

'They're made with pork gelatine. It's not halal.'

Miles frowns and shoves it into the side pocket of his bag. He thinks I'm difficult now. I've burdened him with my dietary restrictions and he thinks I'm moralising his choice of sweets or forcing Islam onto him, though it's not what I'm doing at all, I'm just not going to eat them.

Adjusting my braids, I run my tongue against the back of my teeth. 'Anyway, we can't go to the library cause like I said, I've been banned. So...?'

Miles changes in the blink of an eye. Leaning sideways against the wall, he hunches over so his face is hidden and digs out his cell phone to feign preoccupation with texting. It's almost impressive how he camouflages himself in plain sight; there's no doubt that it has taken practice.

His behaviour distracts me so that I don't notice the threat until it's too late. Tristan doesn't even look as he shoves me into the wall — it's an automatic response to my proximity, in the way it's impossible to pick up a pair of tongs without clicking them together.

He doesn't notice Miles. I clench my jaw. Good for him.

Sonia helps me up. 'We could go to Hannah's.'

A mocking laugh seethes out of me. Hannah's Pantry is a café in town, the one most popular with our age group. At least two-thirds of the guests at any given time are North Chapel pupils.

'Miles doesn't want to be seen with us in public, Sonia.' It's not fair of me to use her as the mirror to bounce my jibes from but I can't stop myself.

Miles, cell returned to his bag, licks his lips and swallows. 'It's fine.' He agrees out of guilt. A bad motivation. He'll regret it later.

And though, in honesty, I don't want to go out in public with them (or myself) either, my discomfort is worth it for him to deal with his own.

So I nod. 'Okay, brill.'

That's definitely not a thing anyone says. I grimace.

'See you there after school then.'

Pettiness, an even worse motive. I'm definitely going to regret it.

Notes

Ad hominem: An argument or reaction directed against a person rather than that person's argument

Halal: (Arabic) Directly translates to "lawful", often used to talk about food that is permitted to someone who observes a halal diet