I WAS JUST TRYING TO BE FUNNY | ✓

▬ 17: I couldn't care less what you tell your friends

            I regret it the moment I chain my bike to the rack outside of Hannah's Pantry and have my first glance through the window. It's crowded with uniforms. My regret grows tenfold when I straighten up, spot Miles crossing the street, and our eyes meet. I'll have to walk in with him unless I find some excuse to delay my entrance.

I give him a forced, fleeting smile, the kind I extend after accidental eye contact with strangers as we walk in opposite directions on the same pavement, and turn to open the door at the earliest opportunity where I can still uphold some semblance of propriety.

It's obvious from the moment I step in why Hannah's Pantry is so beloved. With its mismatched tables of warm woods and American diner relics, it manages somehow to be cosy and cool at once. Like Dal. Not that I could ever imagine Dal coming here.

Sonia has occupied a table pressed into the back wall. 'Um...' This is all I manage to nudge Miles, who's staring in the opposite direction, before I start toward her.

My beeline is interrupted only three steps in. Lysander halts on his path from the till to his table with his coffee and baguette in hand when he spots us. He raises an eyebrow, looking me over as if he's never seen me before, then turns to Miles.

'What's this?'

Does "this" refer to our walking in together or me?

Maybe Miles is preoccupied with the same question because he doesn't answer. A sheen daubs his forehead as he stares without blinking.

I roll my eyes. 'He's tutoring me. In maths. I haven't been doing fantastically in the revision classes.'

'You've got a scholarship and you can't even get through your own lessons? Unbelievable.' Lysander sneers but thankfully leaves.

Before I can resume walking, Miles snaps his head to me. 'What the fuck've done that for?' His voice is barely audible in the clamour and chatter of the café but it's not difficult to identify the anger. So much for thank you.

'I was just makin sure besties don't ditch you.'

'I've not asked you to lie.'

'You didn't exactly jump at the opportunity to be honest.'

Miles bites the inside of his cheek, slouches, and nods, but says nothing.

I leave him, manoeuvring a path through the populated tables to Sonia. The smile I use to greet her is forced too, which twists my gut because she's never done anything to harm me and the least she deserves is authentic kindness.

But the spider at the back of my head has weaved a web of titanium I can't get through to fling it out. It gnaws the writing onto the wall of my skull: this whole thing is a mistake.

If I had never been so stupid, I'd never have gone to Edenfield and Iya and Baba would never have had to pay for it, so I wouldn't owe them anything and I wouldn't have to do any of this now. Idiot.

Idiot, idiot, idiot.

I slip into a chair that doesn't match either of the other two around the unpolished wood table. The backrest is uncomfortably straight.

Miles hooks his bag onto the final vacant spot, a hickory chair with a cracked leather seat, but doesn't sit. 'I'm gonna get a coffee.' He looks at me expectantly.

'I'm not allowed to drink caffeine.' I scratch my neck. 'It's a drug, so since juvie, I'm not allowed to drink any or they'll put me back in.'

'I'm sure they've summat without caffeine.'