I WAS JUST TRYING TO BE FUNNY | ✓

▬ 33: random thursday, bus

            Neither I nor Sonia is enthusiastic about taking the plunge from the edge of the grass to the sand where the rest of our classmates are gathered. Several people have brought portable speakers and clusters have broken up along the shore based on different genres of music, but from our position, they all blend together into a many-headed monster.

Sonia winds her hands into the wide strings of her hoodie. 'I've never been to a party before.'

'Me neither.'

I wheel my cross on its chain as I scan the crowd. Miles is seated on his jumper in the group nearest to us. He laughs, though his eyes don't squint and his head doesn't fall forward, and soon he's back to tugging at his earring whilst he curls and stretches his spine as if doing seated cat-cow yoga.

He wipes the undersides of his eyes to sweep boredom from them only to flinch when he's spoken to. At Tristan's command, he turns to his Astros bag to pull out a bottle of Grey Goose and hands it over. His hands are empty until he digs out his jar of coconut lip butter, then a bag of liquorice Fisherman's Friends to pop one into his mouth — a ritual. I crave to be the only person to ever notice it.

'If you're so in love with him then tell him that.'

I snap my head to Sonia, struggling to remember how to breathe which makes my response belated and spluttered. 'I'm not in love with Kilometres. All he does is play football and run, it's disgusting, innit.'

She purses her lips so that her cheeks round. 'I wouldn't describe you as disgusted. I'm autistic, not stupid.'

'Those can mutually exist independent of each other.'

Sonia sighs sharply but turns back to the lake. Squaring her shoulders, she steps onto the sand with her right foot and shivers but gathers the courage to follow with the left. Then she continues on. The thought of being left alone here is more horrifying than bracing the party with her and I hurry to catch up.

I'm not sure where exactly we're headed, nor is she, I assume, as we trudge through the sand. Maybe one of the clusters will simply open up and absorb us once we're near enough, like protein into a transport vesicle.

We've barely passed the first group when David breaks out of the one to our left and throws up onto his trainers.

I clamp a hand over my mouth to stifle a shriek and keep down my own sick. My teenage experience will definitely be complete without any of this. Too bad if it proves Dr Colas right about me running away, this isn't worth any kind of recovery.

'Can we leave?'

The question is high-pitched and muffled against my palm but Sonia must decipher it because she nods rapidly. We spin around and stride back, kicking sand behind us, but we haven't made it halfway when a voice calls for us to wait.

I turn to watch Miles jog after us. The moment his scent of pomelo and agarwood touches me, my mind blurs out the entire football team staring at us behind him. He must be wearing cologne, and though I usually find fragrances distracting, I want nothing but to sink into his.

'Are you leaving?' His tone intricately weaves together panic and disappointment.

It's not really our... scene.' Does that sound condescending? 'You have a good time though.'

Sonia smiles at him. 'Thanks for the invite.'

When several seconds pass and he doesn't say anything, we awkwardly twist around to head for the grass. Tristan's voice is so full of contempt that it rings above the noise and I halt again. 'What are you doing?'