Lessons: Becoming the Green Arrow

Episode 7 tag - So close, so far away

Episode 7 tag - So close, so far away 

AN - This actually happens just before Episode 7 starts instead of the usual after scene expansion! This is the requested scene of Oliver reading the Revised Lessons Learned List! 

DISCLAIMER - Apparently the frequency of my borrowing these wonderful characters still isn't giving me any real legal claim!

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Oliver worked out while Felicity wrapped up her work as they waited for Roy to join then. They had meetings scheduled for the entire day, but Felicity needed to train Roy on some computer programs so they had skipped their usual morning training. She had still spent the night at the warehouse with him as that had become their new normal. He knew that he was grateful for their new intimacy even as it tortured him - so close, so far away. 

From the beginning, Felicity had always brought light and happiness into his world. She was the first person who truly made him smile when he had returned to the city. He was learning to let the past go and live again on his own; however, he still found that he needed and wanted her close. He also felt he still needed her more than she would ever need him. It did make him feel better to know that by training Felicity he was finally able to give something back to her. She genuinely seemed to enjoy it and was even getting a little cocky about her new skills. While he enjoyed that new side of her, he still hoped she never needed to use her skills against anyone but him. 

Roy entered the warehouse at that moment and Felicity greeted him easily enough by mocking him for being late. Oliver could now admit that the pair was close but that their relationship was more like siblings. Their bickering even reminded him of Thea sometimes which was bittersweet. He knew little of Felicity's past but what he did know wasn't good so he was glad she had not just Diggle but now Roy in her life. 

As for himself, he could never think of her as a sister and didn't even bother trying to play that role with Felicity. Additionally, any thoughts of his actual sister still brought pain and guilt. He knew Felicity was still working on tracking Thea though so he buried his despair and tried to believe that he still had hope for a family reunion. 

As Felicity went back to the bedroom to grab some stuff, Oliver turned to grab a shirt. He also took the opportunity to watch Felicity walk away and that momentary distraction was nearly enough for him to miss Roy moving quickly to Felicity's desk. Without changing his stance, Oliver switched his focus and watched Roy place a piece of paper on her keyboard before he moved quickly toward the door as he teased Felicity about being the reason they were late. 

The pair continued to bicker amicably as he drove them to the office - Oliver tuned them out as he wondered what Roy had left. Once they reached the office, he and Roy quickly searched the area before he gave Felicity's shoulder a brief squeeze and left them to their job. As soon as he made it back to the warehouse, he went immediately to Felicity's desk to see what Roy had left. 

Groaning softly, Oliver read the title then dropped the sheet immediately as he pinched the bridge of his nose. He knew Laurel was the reason for the Roy's actions - the younger man's poker face still sucked so his distaste of Laurel had been obvious. Oliver had even been expecting something along these lines, but he thought Roy still had sufficient fear of him or Felicity to keep him in check. 

He wasn't sure if he was proud or annoyed that his own protégé wasn't as afraid as he had once been. The younger man had taken quite a risk and Oliver grinned to himself as he admitted that he was very curious as to what Lessons were worth it to Roy. 

Picking the sheet again, Oliver quickly scanned the List. His eyes kept returning to #1, even if it was #6 and #8 that made him actually laugh. He also found himself nodding in agreement as he read several of Roy's Lessons. Despite this List being made in jest, there were definitely elements of the truth and he couldn't be angry at Roy for writing them down. In fact, he was somewhat grateful that the younger man had verbalized his feelings for Felicity as he still wouldn't allow himself to do so. 

Even though he was tired of hiding his feelings, Oliver knew he had no right to share them with Felicity without sharing more about his past. He still believed his past was such that he couldn't be with someone he cared about even if that someone was Felicity, especially as that someone was Felicity. She deserved to know the truth about him and he wasn't willing to share that just yet. She had always been kind and forgiving, but she was also the one who pushed him to be better. He knew that his past could cost him not only a future with her but also her friendship and he wasn't strong enough to risk that just yet. 

He truly hadn't lied to her when she had questioned him after the Russian debacle with Isabel. Pausing, he had to wonder if Roy knew why Russia was something not to mention to Felicity. As he stared at the Lesson, his thoughts returned to her hurt not just about Russia but also about his plan to outsmart Slade. 

Sighing softly, he acknowledged that he had hurt his partner many times due to his lack of control and carelessness around her. However, he had to weigh that pain against his choices costing Felicity her very life. As along as Felicity was alive in this world, she made the world and him better. He had someone to fight for, he had something to live for. If his past or present choices cost Felicity her life, he knew he would be lost in the darkness again. 

Oliver reaffirmed his decision that Felicity's life was more precious than his feelings or even her own. However, she continued to thrive despite his mistakes and without knowing of his feelings - she had gained confidence with her self-defense training, she even seemed lighter after unknowingly sharing more of her past during that aspirin ramble, and she continued to keep their Team together and doing good. 

He would just have to continue to remind himself each day to keep his distance and see her only as a friend. If Roy's Lessons were any indication though then he had to admit that he was failing miserably at that. Felicity was already a target and even she knew others wanted to use her to get to him. He gritted his teeth as he determined to do a better job of protecting her even from himself. 

The List fell forgotten from his hand as images flashed through Oliver's mind - Felicity with the collar bomb around her neck, Helena threatening her life, the Count touching her ponytail as he held the syringe to her neck, the landmine she stepped on while trying to save him from himself, Slade Wilson describing her blood on his hands. He closed his eyes as helpless rage and guilt warred inside him. 

For a moment, Oliver was again back on the Island, trapped and fighting for his very survival. His blood heated as his heart pounded and he fought to steady his breath. It took a moment for the ringing to penetrate the haze of memories and nightmares that had once again trapped him in the past. 

Seeing Felicity's face on the screen, Oliver sucked in much needed oxygen and answered his phone with her name. 

"Felicity?" 

"Hey Oliver! Diggle is on his way there and I just wanted to remind you that we added that meeting with the School Board supervisors this morning. You'll need to leave not long after he gets there, okay?" 

"Okay." Oliver had closed his eyes and just let her voice wash over him. He let her again comfort and soothe him as the pain and rage receded enough to allow him to breathe. 

"You okay Oliver? Has something happened?" Worry entered Felicity's voice and prompted Oliver to smile. 

"No, all good here. I'll see you soon." He clicked off before she could question him further and immediately went back to the mats to train. Even though he was no longer trapped in the past he was more on edge than usual. 

As he moved away, his eyes again fell on Roy's list and he took a moment to place it carefully just as he had left it. He again read Lesson #1 and even managed to find a smile as he thought about Felicity's reaction. For now, he would reserve his judgment on what Roy deserved for this stunt until Felicity was able to read the List. 

Oliver was still pounding on a training dummy when Diggle walked in the warehouse later.