Hate Is Another Word For Love

Chapter 9

"Okay class, since you all just got back from Spring Break, I know none of you are into doing anything, and I'm not into teaching, so let's just talk." Mr. Peckorelli, my chemistry teacher says. "Who has a good spring break?" he asks.

Everyone raises their hands, but me.

I'm sitting in my chair with dark skinny jeans, a loose gray tank top, and blue combat boots.

I'm breaking dress code with the tank top, but I don't care. My hair is throw up in a bun, which Ethan calls the knot, my feet are on my desk, and I'm scrolling through twitter without a since fuck in my being.

"Miss Carter, did you have a good break?" Mr. Peckorelli asks.

"Nope." I say.

"What did you do?" he asks.

"Slept, ate, watched Netflix, and planned ways to kill the fucker behind me." I reply.

He raises his eyebrows.

"I thought you two were dating? You sang about him at the carnival, did you not? I mean, we all saw it. You have everyone in your crowd."

"Oh, we were dating." I say. "For about four hours. Oh, excuse me. Did I say four? Meant six."

"And I'm assuming you didn't break up with him."

"Nope." I say.

"Who asked who?"

"He asked me to be his girlfriend and then called it off six hours later. Whatever. His fucking loss."

The principal walks in just as Braxton scoffs. He's well aware of our fighting and he's the only one that ever attempts to stop it.

"Why are you scoffing?" I snap at him.

"Because it's bullshit. You're making me the bad guy."

"I didn't even do anything wrong! You're the motherfucker that broke up with me for no reason."

"Erin." Mr. Peckorelli says warningly.

"I had a reason." He snaps.

"No you didn't. I didn't do anything wrong!"

"You don't even know."

"I do know, so FUCK YOU!"

"Miss Carter!" Principal Marks says.

Braxton's face shows an emotion that I can't read, but anger is mixed with it, and hurt.

"Erin, I left you because I'm a fucking asshole and I didn't want you to get hurt! I could see it in your eyes, so I blew you of sooner rather than later! I did both of us a favor! And you know what? I lied about not being in love with you! I am in love with you, and you're too naive to see it! I was trying to protect you from me! I'm a monster and everyone knows it! I didn't leave you out of the pleasure of your pain! I left you to stop your tears, because they're not only painful for you, but they're painful for me too!" he yells.

The room is dead silent. His previously red face slowly fades back to its normal color.

My heart is racing. His eyes are boring into mine, almost as if I were staring at the sun, only it's not painful.

"You're not a monster." I whisper.

"Yes I am." he says. "Nothing you or anyone else says can change that. I can't hurt you, Erin."

"Braxton, you're already hurting me!" I say.

"How?" he demands.

"To see you struggle like this..." I sigh. "It hurts. You're not a monster."

He pinches the bridge of his nose.

"Erin, I get it. I get how you're feeling, but I just can't. Not yet. Let's just be friends. For now."

I let out a slow breath.

At least we get to be friends.

"Okay." I sigh. "Fine."

****

He won't date me, but he thinks it's okay to sit next to my spot at lunch?

I march over there, ready to tell Braxton to go eat in the bathroom, but I see he has fruit roll ups, the kind with the tongue tattoo.

I hesitate.

"Care to share?" I ask.

He shrugs and slides me the box.

I sit next to him and grab a blue green one.

Ethan and Bri sit down.

"Oh, fruit roll ups." Ethan grins.

"They're for the lady." Braxton says as I unroll one.

"Well why can't my lady get one?" Ethan asks.

"Because your lady isn't my lady."

"Technically Erin isn't even your lady." Ethan says.

Braxton glares at him.

I look at him, and I see his previous confident, talkative person shrink back into the shy guy that he only seems to be when he's around me.

He sighs quietly, and then gets up and walks away.

I frown.

"Why does he always get all shy and quiet around me?" I ask Brianna. She sighs and grabs a fruit roll up.

"Braxton has a past that...gives him trust issues." Bri says slowly. "So...for him to be around you, who he is in love with, it's really hard for him to open up. Part of the reason he left you was because of the trust issues. He can get his confidence up and ask, and then he got scared and left."

Braxton sits back down, and I look at him.

He's the boy with the secrets.

The one that left me because of his past.

I let out a quiet sigh and stand up to walk to the lunch line.

A girl crashes into me.

I gasp, the girl gasps, and the previously loud cafeteria goes to mumbles.

Her eyes are wide.

"I, go, I'm so sorry!"

She takes a step back, steps on her banana peel, and she slips. I catch her hand and steady her.

"It's okay." I sigh. "I'll just go home and change."

She gulps and nods, and I walk away. Ethan's shaking with silent laughter, but Braxton and Bri look like they feel bad for me. I smear ketchup all over Ethan's white shirt and then steal his car keys and leave.

I stop for food on the way home, and then I pull up.

I run my fingers through my disgusting hair as I walk in the door.

I grab my shirt to pull it off, but I stop when I walk into the living room.

"Who the hell are you?"