Viola

Chapter 23

Viola's POV

I look out towards the balcony and smile at the image of my father and ben hugging, hoping for the image to store itself peacefully in my brain forever so I could look back on it. 

Allowing my gaze to travel around the room, I notice everyone engaged in cheery conversation. Most getting to know George, I stop to smile specifically at Lucas who has become a bit more comfortable as he sits next to George rambling about his favorite things, but I continue to glance around as I find some in separate conversations. 

Shifting, I find Mom standing with Anna and Drei, smiling brightly. I hear whispers of their conversation as Anna tells her stories about Alexi and me, Drei occasionally dropping a joke. 

Next, my eyes sweep over towards Alexi as he chuckles along with Antonio and Marco, a sight I figured I'd never see considering their reaction to finding out he existed. Upon unearthing the memory I smile fondly before allowing myself to look at the room as a whole. 

I feel myself choke up with tears as I think back to a word I had stumbled upon when I had been sitting with Antonio as he scrolled through his TikTok when I was still in the hospital. 

'Midding', a word that it took me a moment to believe existed. 

I suddenly felt the meaning in real-time as I recalled it. 

Midding- feeling the tranquil pleasure of being near a gathering but not quite in it—hovering on the perimeter of a campfire, chatting outside a party while others dance inside, resting your head in the backseat of a car listening to your friends chatting up front—feeling blissfully invisible yet still fully included, safe in the knowledge that everyone is together and everyone is okay, with all the thrill of being there without the burden of having to be.

Tears sprouted into my eyes and I smiled softly, releasing a sniffled giggle as I look around at all of the life around me. 

The nearly silent noise still pulled the attention of Gennadi though, who seemed to be observing just as I was. He walks over, locking a hand in mine, and pulling me into the pool room.

"You okay?" He whispered as we sit down on one of the couches by the door. He wipes a few stray tears as he waits for an answer. 

I nod slightly. 

Looking over at him, I notice a sadness in his eyes that I hadn't seen before. How had I missed that? Wracking my brain, I realize how little time I've spent with him. 

"...Are you?" I ask knowing the answer. When he gives me a confused look I elaborate, "Okay,... I mean. Are you okay?" I ask him.

He sighs before nodding unsurely. I give him a 'don't lie to me' look. Avoiding my question, his eyes gravitate towards his lap. 

As he looks down, I catch the teardrop that becomes clear as it falls on his shorts creating a darker spot. When another falls I slam him into a tight hug. 

Sobs wrack through his body as he wraps his arms around me.

"I- I'm sorry," he chokes out "I don't even know why I'm crying, I just- I missed you so much, Viola. I know that you can never compare how Alexi and I missed you but I lost you AND Alexi." He choked out. "..Just as you had gotten us close again. And I-I was so upset with you for getting us to be close at some points. It was like the pain of not having you was amplified a million times because he was hurting too. I-I don't want to take you away from your family- it's important that you spend time with them, but I miss talking to you s-so much. I haven't- I can't-" He rambled on until he couldn't speak as his sobs rendered him unable to finish.