When Things Fall Apart

chapter 23

“Di ba nasa Philippines po si Dada?” my son asked while I am packing our luggages. Napahinto ako sa pag iimpake at napatingin sa kanya.

“Paano mo nalaman? Nanay didn't even know that he's there..” I said in low voice.

He's in the Philippines, not in Michigan or anywhere else. Hindi ko naman sinabi kay Mavin na nandoon si Stefan kaya paano niga nalaman?

“I just saw it in the news last week, Nanay. Hindi po ba nagsabi sayo si Dada na pupunta siya doon?” he innocently asked.

I don't know what to answer.

“Maybe he missed to inform me. Maybe he's busy no? Let's just understand your Dada, he probably miss you..” I sweetly said to him.

It pains me everytime I say this kind of words to my son. My son doesn't deserve lies. But the truth will probably hurt my son and I can't afford to witness it.

“Maybe we can meet him when we go to Philippines, Nanay. I missed my Dada sobra..” he said.

“Let's see...” tanging nasabi ko.

I continued packing our clothes and needs para sa pagpunta sa Pilipinas. Napagpasyahan ni Mamà na magstay muna kami sa hotel sa Galileo. Ang agency naman ng Celestial ay malapit lang sa Nyuborn kaya hindi na stress kung babyahe. Iris will lend me her car, she even say na she can take care of Mavin kapag may work ako. I also texted Stan to inform na pupunta at mananatili muna kami sa Pilipinas pero hindi ko pinapasabi kila Mommy. I want to surprise Mommy and Daddy, for sure ay miss na rin nila si Mavin.

“Maganda ba sa Philippines, Nanay?” he asked out of nowhere.

“Yes. But it is different sa Michigan at sa France. The weather there is tropical, there's no winter.” sabi ko sa kanya.

“How about the people living in there?” he asked again.

I realized that he never see his own homeland. Ngayon pa nga lang pala makakarating si Mavin sa Pilipinas.

“Filipinos are kind and hospitable, they are all good and full of happiness.” I said and closed the luggage.

“I'm excited to go there, Nanay..” he said with excitement.

Next two days, we will go there and will face new journey with Mavin. Ang tanging nasa isip ko ay ipapakita kay Mommy and Daddy ang kanilang apo at ilayo sa mga taong mananakit sa anak ko. I don't mind Jesy and Stefan, do whatever they want.

Parang biniyak ang puso ko ng buksan ang jewelry box ko. My enggagement ring and wedding ring was here.

Four years ago, I was married to a man who completes my dreams. I risked my whole life with him and faced new journey together and wishing to be forever. My eighteen year old self didn't expect that this day will come, I thought having him on my life will makes me the happiest. Masaya ako sa kanya but the world really rotates differently now. I am numb and don't understand what I feel towards him, kung pagmamahal pa rin ba o galit na lang. O baka galit na hindi mo mailabas kasi mahal na mahal mo pa rin... You know, you love someone to the point that even you are angry but you just can't be kasi mas lamang pa rin pagmamahal mo..

I may be forget him almost everyday, I barely think about him because that probably hurts but there's a time that I'll just think of him and measure my love and anger for him and it turns out that my love for him still wins.

If someone hears my thoughts, they'll probably say that I am the most stupid human on earth. Niloloko na ako harap harapan, maybe when I saw them together, I will only feel anger. That's what I am asking for, I rather feel so much anger than love for him.