that's not why × ziam au (short story)

part vii × walls

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"Your perspective on life comes from the cage you were held captive in."

— Shannon L. Alder

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"Liam, honey, what's wrong?" Karen asked once she saw her furious son slam his backpack onto the ground and stomp up the stairs.

"Not now, mother." He said between his clenched teeth, skipping two steps at a time as he quickly made his way up to his room, steam almost leaving his ears due to the frustration, confusion and anger he was going through.

Speechless and upset by her son's reaction, she decided to sit back on the couch with a sad huff, letting him be. It must be some type of teenage phase he was going through.

Little did she know, this wasn't any type of teenage phase. Because it's pretty clear that not everybody receives a series of suicide letters during their adolescent years. And the drama, the regret, the guilt had crossed the line at that point, Liam was sure that barely anyone was going what he was going through.

Call him selfish or dramatic, but he was going through pure hell at the moment, but he was sure no was going to be able to understand.

Once he reached his room, he slammed the door shut behind him, swinging his closet door open and digging for the shoe box at the end of the mess of junk and clothing. He threw it onto his bed, pulling the top off and harshly removing the other notes before coming across the next entry.

Entry #6

Dear Liam,

I'm feeling particularly and sadistically giddy at the moment. The only things that have left my lips are the cynical giggles that I can't seem to hold back.

The bottle of sleeping pills next to me seem delicious right now, but I know that I have to be patient. I can't just end these entries here, without anybody knowing the logical explanation to why I have decided to end my life here, at such an early time. But sincerely, I'm tired and I don't ever want to remember these events if I ever get 'better' in the future.

People say things will get better in the end, so that's why I'm putting an end to this all.

I've never seen such a side of me. The side of me that wanted something so badly, so desperately that I'm willing to do anything right now. I've never wanted to sleep so bad and never wake up.

Honestly, I am a bit scared, because soon, I'll be entering the 'afterlife', if there is such thing. I'm scared if it's worse than what I'm going through now, even if I find it impossible to go such through hell again, not to mention, an even more unbearable hell.

But risks exist for a reason, right? Fuck it.

I was a bit off track sorry. What I was saying was that, I've been giggling for the past half hour because of something I find strangely hilarious. That is my stupidity and naïveté.

I used to get so offended whenever someone called me stupid, or a whore or worthless. But I've come to the conclusion that I most certainly am that.