that's not why × ziam au (short story)

epilogue × closure

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"Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome."

- Isaac Asimov

-_-_-

Dear Zayn,

It's been sixth months since your death and it's funny how your absence is all I feel at the moment.

I read your letters. Every single one. And I felt kind of strange when it just ended the way it did, the dark and unexpected confession at the end was what I had to deal with. There didn't seem to be any type of closure for me or you and I find that to be pretty unfair.

You've changed me. I barely even knew you and you changed me. I forgive you, yet I don't because there's nothing you should be sorry about. What happened to Louis was an accident, you didn't mean to do it. You two were just at the wrong place and at the wrong time.

It hurts, yes. But it doesn't hurt because you did it.

I got kicked out of school. I don't want to get into too much detail but it had to do with almost strangling Jordan to death. I don't regret it, he was a shitty person.

I'm at a new school, I made friends but sometimes I wish they were like you. Humble, smart and unique. Even though I never really talked to you, I feel so close, even if you're not even here.