No More Ghosts: Chapter One

No More Ghosts: Chapter Two

Over the next several days, life for the inhabitants of Sparkhouse Farm took on a pattern.

John, as usual, would be up before dawn, returning to the house to ensure that Lisa had had breakfast and was on her way to school. Before she left she would take a plate of toast and a mug of tea up to Carol.

At lunchtime, John would replace the empty mug and uneaten toast with soup or a sandwich, and shortly afterwards, Lisa would arrive home from school and sit with her for a bit. She tried every day to convince Carol to come downstairs and eat with her and John, but day after day she failed to appear.

For a young girl not quite in her teens Lisa took the situation in her stride, after all, her life thus far had hardly been 'normal'. In fact, having two adults under the same roof, no fighting, three meals a day and regular school was more normality than Lisa had ever experienced in her life.

Whilst Carol said little, or at least little that made any sense, to Lisa, she was content to let her sit with her and sometimes hold her and comfort her when she cried. In that sense there was still a bond between them that provided welcome reassurance for them both.

John had none of this hope. He didn't dare touch Carol and she never spoke to him when he entered the room to check on her. Sometimes she would be staring out of the window, trance-like. Mostly she would be asleep, or at least appear to be.

During these days he worked harder and for longer hours than he had ever done in his life. When he climbed into the empty double bed at night, all he wished for was oblivion and the only way he could guarantee it was through sheer hard labour. Anything less than total physical exhaustion would guarantee hours of wakefulness whilst his mind buzzed with painful and unwanted thoughts and fears for the future.

He wondered constantly whether he had done the right thing in marrying Carol. He had wanted to do right by her so very much, and had hoped that in time her platonic affection and respect for him would deepen into something more and that they would enjoy the family life he had longed for since he was a boy.

Whilst some may have seen Andrew's death as an obstacle out of the way, John feared that the ghost of Carol's first true love and soul-mate would haunt them forever.

Carol, meanwhile, spent almost every waking minute consumed by thoughts of Andrew. She had been shocked to discover that after the initial few days of intense sorrow, her feelings turned to white-hot anger. At the Lawton's for not letting them be together, and irrationally at Becky, who as Andrew's widow had a 'right' to grieve for him that she didn't, in the eyes of others at least.

Mostly she was furious with Andrew. If he'd stood up to his parents...if he'd not married Becky...if he'd not been such a bloody coward and ended his own life, especially after telling Lisa that he was her father. He'd meant well, but telling a child they were yours and then killing yourself - God knows what was going through Lisa's head, she thought to herself. Although she reasoned, it could hardly be any worse than the truth.

Worse than the anger, was the guilt. Carol blamed herself for coming back. As far as she was concerned her marrying John and sending Andrew away had set in motion a whole chain of events that had left the Lawton's without their only son, and baby Tom without a father. Whatever other feelings she harboured towards those involved she wouldn't have wished that on anybody, least of all a defenceless child.

In some ways the hardest thing to deal with was the guilt she felt for involving John in all of this. He was good man - loyal, dependable and hardworking. He had slogged endlessly on the farm whilst caring for her and her daughter, yet she couldn't even bring herself to look at him, partly because every time she did a voice in her head cried "He's not Andrew!" and partly out of pure shame at what she knew she must be putting him through.

He had said little to her since Andrew's suicide, and of course he had no idea that she'd been awake and heard every word of his brief speech the night after his death. Even so, his presence was in some way a source of comfort to her...and yet more guilt.