I CRAVE YOU - I DESIRE YOU || heejay / jayseung

Chapter Eighteen | Birthday blues and bruises

|||Warning ⚠️: Another angsty chapter. Strong language, mentions of emotional and psychological pain, mentions of a personal inflicting pain on oneself and self inflicted violence. As always if you find some parts different to read please dm and I'll give you a summary |||

October 15th.

It was October 15th.

Heeseung's birthday's birthday, his twin brother Hae-Jin's birthdays. But it was also the anniversary of Hae-Jin and his mother's death.

It was a difficult time. Not just for him but for the rest of his family. A sad day. A reminder that the brilliant scientist, the perfect daughter, wonderful wife, loving mother, the amazing Boo Sarang left the world all too soon.

For as long as he could remember he never did celebrate his birthday. He knew that when he was young his family didn't celebrate it because Yeong hated it, preferring to mourn. He never celebrated it and never asked to either. He knew what the day meant. When he was 5, his father offered to throw a party for him (not that the man really wanted to). But Heeseung said no. He told his father what he didn't want to celebrate his birthday. He told his father that he didn't ever want to celebrate his birthday and continued to remind his father of that each year. He said it enough for his father to listen and not bother him with it anymore (but Jong-Wook always felt guilty for it).

After all, how could Heeseung celebrate his birthday when it was also a reminder of the day he lost his mother and twin? To Heeseung it felt selfish. He wouldn't ever dare celebrate. And all his friends knew it. They knew to never wish him a happy birthday, to never give him cards or presents, to never even talk about his birthday. It was one of his absolute rules.

Walking up from another blissful, yet painfully vivid dream of Jay, Heeseung felt two familiar pains in his heart. The first one was because of Jay. It had been a couple of days and now his heart would often pulsate with pain because he's been away from his soulmate for long. And the second pain was one he got every year on this exact date. The pain of his mother and brothers death.

He and his twin Hae-Jin had spent 9 months side by side in their mother's womb. From the moment of conception, they had each other and could never be lonely. Whilst Heeseung obviously didn't remember it, he did remember the feeling of being with someone and having someone who could always understand him. That feeling never left him so growing up without Hae-Jin was so lonely. His father told him that when he was born he only let out a tiny cry before stopping and was completely calm. His father said he was too calm and they were worried about his health since he just wouldn't cry, his mother's last words being " It's okay to cry Heeseung-ah, I'll be here to wipe your tears ", then uttering her last breath.

But she was wrong.

She was never there to wipe his tears.

After 2 hours since his birth, Heeseung had begun to cry uncontrollably and no one knew what to do. At first, they all assumed he wished to have contact with his mother and so they put her next to her body that was still a little warm-despite her no longer being alive - but that worked for a while but a couple of hours later he was back to crying.

It wasn't until his father put him in the same cot as his deceased brother and allowed them to lie side by side did Heeseung stop crying. In the end, the doctors and Jong-Wook realised that Heeseung just needed comfort from his brother who he had been side by side with his the beginning of creation.

Taking Heeseung away from Hae-Jin was difficult. The red-headed didn't like being away from his black-haired brother which left them no choice but to put an anti decaying spell on Hae-Jin's body so they could lie them in the same bed. And when it was time for Jong-Wook to take Heeseung home, the baby threw such a tantrum that he flung 5 nurses across a room and broke multiple windows and flipped his cot. That was the first time they had to put Heeseung to sleep.