The Gospel of Ariel: Volume II

XXVIII

In the time that followed, Helen grew sicker, and Phoebe was grieved. She'd not take food, nor would she sleep, and seemed as if she were in a kind of oracular trance. That night, Simeon found her,

"My dear one, you must eat, please. To what purpose do you grieve so? Nedah? Oh my child, tell me. "

So saying, old as he was, he committed her to his arms and took her place on her bed. He waited for her to speak,

"My mother...my mother...she is dying...I cannot bear...to lose both of them...not this way...my father died thus...not my mother too...please...I would do anything..."

"Be still, beloved. Your grief is great. I know. Truly, we all share in it. My wife, too, was taken this way. I have seen many women die in childbirth, and children I love dearly go before me, delivered and buried by my hand-"

"I love her, I love her, she does not know-"

"Yes, she does, Nedah! My poor child, why should you believe otherwise? Have you not heard all she told you?"

"I was...so much my father's daughter..."

"Oh, Ahava, how should that mean you do not love her? Many children love others beside their mothers, dearhreart, but they well know who bore them."

"My children are so much their father's too..."

"Do they not still love you? They would not be without you."

"At times, I feel I do not love them."

"Withdrawing after birth, dear girl, is common. So, too, is melancholy. You must not hate yourself. You are not at fault. No one is. Though I had none of my own, I took many to me. To raise a child, or eight or more, as you have done, is no easy task. Your children are a testament to your love, not only for your husband, but also great love for. and faith in, yourself, that you would continue that love-"

"I am distant, Sabba."

"There are many kinds of parents, different but no less good.It is your melancholy that keeps you from love, that now tells you these fevered thoughts. My dearest, do not heed it -"

", I swore I would never bear a son, nor any impaired children, lest I should fail them as I failed him. I bore a son., and, like my husband, he is blind. Oh gods, how I wept! My husband wept too. I love my husband, but, skilled as he is, his life is hard, and so many are blinded by ignorance and hatred. I would not wish this upon a child. I cannot bear to look at him. For his lack of sight,I cannot see him, yet I know full well it is I who am blind. My daughters, too. The oldest with her humor out of sorts. As she was the first born to me, I fear she may well be the first taken from me. My fifth-born child, half-mad, may hurt others, but I know she is her own greatest threat. The seventh may yet be swept up by a storm in her sleep and never wake, and then, my son...And the four who were spared, they bear it all. All this would destroy me. I do not hate, but I cannot bear to love, as I cannot bear loss. Help me."

Thus Phoebe, in her profound grief. And the old man, deeply moved, said to her, as he pulled her ever closer,

" My cherished child, my dearest daughter, know that I love you, just as those you love do. Learn to love yourself this way, for until you do, you cannot truly love anyone as we are meant to love. Know that love is patient. Do not blame yourself, dear one. Nedah, do not be afraid. It is fear, not hatred, that keeps you from love. You are wise. You are strong. Skilled as you are you know that love can help to cure what men cannot. But come, peace, now, darling. It is late, and you are not well. I shall come to you in the morning. Sleep, my child."

So saying, he kissed her tenderly and left her.

That night, Theophilus dreamed that all his kin were awoken and taken to different places, so as not to arouse suspicion nor invite danger when the Pharisees came asking for Jesus. And, even as he dreamed it, it was done, for the Helper fulfilled the dream even as it came to him. He spoke with Helios and Eos and Selene, that they might extend the night, for he knew the family was in desperate need of rest. Next, he did all that was to be done for the household that day. He made light work of it, for in his winged sandals he is swift of foot. Then the old man returned and woke Theophilus,