The Gospel of Ariel: Volume II

XL

At that moment, I came to my brother at Judas' house,, bearing Caiaphas in my arms, and bade Judas' wife and children go inside. Judas took my hand and said,

"My child, I swear I never meant that you should come to harm. Forgive me, if I am worthy. I was wrong to put my faith in the high priest. It was I who told him when you would come into port. I thought perhaps you would give him information."

And I said to him,

"Then you would have had me betray him? Indeed you do not know me."

"No, " he replied softly, "I see that now. I did not know Pilate  intended to kill him, and, like Reuben, it was my intention to right the wrong I committed. I begged them to take it back and put me in his place, but they only laughed. The more I pleaded, the more savage the soldiers were. Concerning my greed, I will tell you. I only wished to feed my wife and children here and give them what is theirs. Now, I have received what is mine."

At his words, my brother Yaakov could only weep, and through his heaving sobs, he cried,

"Oh God, my words have killed you! I did not know!...I did not know!..."

But Judas, filled with compassion, held him and said,

"My son, but for my actions, you would not have spoken, and it is by my hand I am undone. I know Caiaphas is no friend. Whatever my reasons I have done wrong, and it has come to this. Now, my good intentions are of no consequence. You alone have shown me this. I do not fault you. Peace now."

And these were the my brothers words for him,

"Judas, if my brother knew your reasons, part of him would not fault you. You were the man he could not be, but the one who he must be. Would that I had known this! So many years I resented him because I did not know his torment. I love him, but it is too late!"

And Judas' wife spoke to him saying,

"As long as he lives, it is never too late."

But he asked her,

"How long, my Lady? "

And she said,

"Longer than you believe, if the words of the prophets are true."

My brother could not turn his gaze from the dying man before him, and he said, with great conviction,

"I swear by my brother, by my parents, and by Sheol itself, I will provide for your family, for they that are yours are mine. I will not break this oath."

And Judas said to him,

"I know. Truly, you know your brother's love. Promise me this, Yaakov, son of Yosef, brother of the Most High. Do not bury me."

But he answered him,

"I will not swear an oath I cannot keep. If my brother is God's anointed, did he not also die for you? If he is to be raised from the dead, why should you not take part in the salvation as you took part in the sacrifice? My brother will bury you through me, for you would have done so for him. You shall rise again in Spirit. How should I love as he does if I do not give you what has been given you? You need not deserve it, although you would. You have done many good things, and indeed there is not an abhorrent man or woman alive who does not have one good deed to their name and in God's, for He is in our image, as we are in His. Also there is not one good man or woman without sin, for we are creatures of flesh. One must be both good and errant to partake of sacrifice, for each of us must need salvation and be worthy of it."

And he said,

"Young as you are, you speak like a wise man. Let it be done. Even in Hades, I will remember you. Shalom."