Marauders Tales

The wolf's out of the bag

I am so sorry for that title it was meant to be a play on the phrase the cat's out the  bag-  Also TW/CW  panic attack kinda and I'm sorry if I haven't portrayed it well please tell me how I could improve this section and happy reading!

~Sirius's POV~

I really need to find a way of apologising to Re because what I did was not right. He did something for me and made sure I couldn't interpret it wrong I did the same but I also made the mistake of telling him I didn't want anyone else to get the impression that I love him. Even though my parents will kill me and punish me further I don't care I don't care who knows about my love for Re anymore!

Wait since when did I start calling him Re? Oh god I just hope James didn't pick up on that.

We woke up at normal time the next day and after breakfast James smoothly guided Pete out of the dorm so Re-Remus and I could talk. As soon as I was sure James and Peter were out of range I walked over to Remus and was about to talk when he says " Look I am not really in the mood for this conversation. I love u but you won't ever love me for what I truly am inside. Now can we get going because I don't want to be late for Arithmacy." I look at him bewildered "look before you go I just want to say-"

"Say what Siri?" He says and immediately blushes at his words and tries to walk away but not before I grab his arm. As I do so I realise just how muscly it is and how strong he must be now. I blush at my own thoughts and continue "-I wanted to say sorry. Sorry for what I said about not wanting anyone to get the wrong idea. I don't care anymore, I love u too and wouldn't change anything about you, ever." Remus blushes and shakes his head. "You will think of me as a monster eventually, everyone else usually does." With that before I can reply he tugs his arm out of my slackening grip and walks out of the dorm.

After that the day was going nice and smoothly until that afternoon when we reached Defence Against the Dark Arts. Re no Remus slowly walked into the classroom almost as if he didn't want to be there which is crazy because Remus loves all lessons not matter how boring they are. We sat at our normal desks and the professor started teaching us about werewolves again.

It was all going well until the professor starts to talk about how to identify one and what to do if you come across one transformed. Remus went as white as a sheet and started breathing heavily clutching his chest like he was having a panic attack! I immediately raised my hand and waved at the teacher who looked thoroughly annoyed until he spotted Remus silently struggling to breath and nodded at me when I pointed at the door which was thankfully behind us. I carefully guided him out of the room into the nearest empty classroom, I knew exactly what to do. My brother, Regulus used to have them when we were younger. My parents didn't give one, in fact they were the reasons why he had them in the first place, he was worried about how they were punishing me.

Anyway I need to forget Reg he turned out to be just like them a perfect Pureblood Slytherin.

I looked at Remus, I saw the fear and shame in his eyes. He needs me. I tried some of the techniques that I used with Reg. I started off with saying "Look at me Remus. Look at me, that's it. Right, now take nice deep breaths in time with mine. Breath in and out that's it. In... and out." We carried on breathing in time for a while. When he started to breath steadier I tried my other method to bring him back to himself. "Right now Remus your breathing is great- and in- can you try-and out-and think of your favourite place in the world,-and in-think about how calm and still it can be-and out again-are you in your calm place?" He nodded at me, eyes closed, now smiling. "Now can you describe it to me?" He blushed, his breathing got a bit heavier as he shook his head. "oh god" I muttered as I noticed these changes. They were changes that meant if I didn't do something to calm him again we would be back to square one. I couldn't do that to him, I just couldn't. "What was that? What's happened?" He said, getting more panicked by the second. Think Sirius! Think! What did you do when Reg didn't fully recover and it happened again? Nothing came to me I would have to wing it especially as the Professor is no where to be seen in terms of helping us. "Don't worry. It was nothing important. You don't have to describe it to me if you don't want to. I just thought it might help you." He nods and murmurs something incoherent and starts talking. "My safe and calm place is believe it or not, is here. Well the library is my favourite part here but I love being here. It may not be calm all of the time but it's home. In my version there is only me, you, James, Pete and Lily. You all accept me for who I am underneath, a we-" he stops mid word, shakes his head and tries to get up. I push him down, he is in no fit state to go anywhere, not even allowing him to go to Pomfrey. He looks up at me with pleading eyes, but no I am not going to give in, he will just do more damage to himself if he goes anywhere at the moment. I kinda want to know what it was he started saying.

~Remus's  POV~

Oh come on! Me and my big mouth, never being able to keep my own secrets! At least I caught myself just in time. Although, I recon that Sirius will try to question me. I hope he doesn't plan on doing it anytime soon because I think my breathing is getting worse again and he won't let me get up to go to Madame Pomfrey.

After about half an hour of heavy breathing I started to calm down again. I am so thankful for Sirius having been there for me. I realised I might have made a mistake, Sirius will never love me when he finds out the truth. We can't be together with his parents and just about everyone hating on gay and bi people in the wizarding and muggle worlds. We will never be, there is so much against us it will undoubtedly fail if we try so I guess I can put us both out of our misery now. I will tell him about my 'condition' and if he is so scared that he tells people about it and I get kicked out, well I suppose it will mean I can't be taunted by his beauty anymore. I keep on trying to say something but Sirius just shushes me and shakes his head. "But-"

"No I don't want you saying anything that might aggravate your panic attacks again."

"But it is important!" I whine.

"Uhh fine." He sighs. "What is it you want to say? It had better not panic you though." He says the latter almost sternly, he cares for me I thought. Oh well I suppose his opinions for me will have to change now, there is now way he will still like me even as a friend after but I mean seriously (no pun intended) I can't put him in danger, if we come out as a couple. We can't be a couple. There is one way without telling him that and hurting him (he won't want to back out easily I am sure), but it means that I get hurt to save him from it all. Here goes nothing. "Sirius I really appreciate you helping me out of there. I think that therefore... you deserve an explanation as to why it happened." He shook his head at me determinedly. "No Re it is too soon you will likely have an attack again." He blushes at the fact that he called me Re but seems like he is kind of glad that he said it. I am positive that what I am about to say will ruin our friendship come start of relationship but in the long run I would rather see him safe and knowing the truth even if it means hating me rather than me keeping secrets from the one I love. "Look I have to tell you or I will feel guilty."

"Fine" he mutters, "but try not to panic yourself too much yeah?" I nod, this is it I guess. Time to find out what he really thinks. "I-well there is no easy way to say this but... IamawerewolfandI-Iwill understand if youwanttoleaveme and-well t-t-tell the school to get this monster of a halfbreed kicked out and punished for what I-"

"What seriously!" He practically shouts. "Why would I want to get you kicked out?

I love you Re and that would explain why you are always il or make pathetic excuses every month and come back with a few bruises."

Oh! Well he doesn't know the half of it I thought, that went better than expected! But bruises, I have a lot more to contend with every month. I literally break my bones and bite myself because I am not in control and the wolf wants blood. "I suppose you are right I am pathetic at making excuses but at least now you know why I do it and-"

"Shush Re" he says soothingly. He comes in for a hug. "I could never hate you, no matter what, always remember that yeah?" I melt into the hug and forget all of my worries...

Oh no! Oh sh*t! I think to myself that night in bed. What have I done, well other than fall harder for my best friend?! I was meant to put him off to save us from danger and all I have done is made us closer than ever! What am I going to do now? I can tell this won't end well!

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Anyways after reading about two boys pinning over each other... again you will be pleased to hear that I've got my writing mojo back so there should be more frequent updates!

As always please let me know of any spelling or gramma issues I may have missed so I can correct them and I hope you have a good day/night!