sunset|| j.murphy

22||soldiers

"show em' you give a damn"

Change of plans, Bellamy wouldn't let me come. Even though I spent a good ten minutes arguing that Clarke cleared me medically, Bellamy wouldn't hear a word of it. He kept arguing that there were already enough people going and that I needed to stay here and make gunpowder. I will never understand why that guy doesn't like me, but even Octavia was somewhat against the idea of me coming with them. They suggested that maybe I should help Jasper make gunpowder, but I didn't really wanna be near him right now, so I decided to take a nap instead.

After a long day of hunting, I deserved this sleep. But it didn't last long. Ever since what happened with the Grounders, I haven't been able to get a decent sleep. Nightmares or just thoughts of what happened keep me up every night. Most nights I'll wake up in a cold sweat and then won't be able to go back to sleep. It sucks, but life goes on, even if I'm tired.

I got maybe an hour of rest at most. It was still dark out and Raven, Bellamy, Monty, and Octavia were all still out looking for Clarke and Finn. I decided to make myself useful and make some more gunpowder. Jasper isn't the only one who knows the recipe. I got some charcoal that Finn found from the 'art supply store', some sulfur that Jasper miraculously extracted from somewhere and some potassium nitrate, which no one wants to know where it came from. After an eternity of sitting in my tent, mixing the ingredients and trying not to blow myself up, I finished one batch.

One batch.

One batch isn't enough. One batch won't save us from the Grounders. One batch isn't good enough.

I'm just so mad. Mad at Jasper, mad at Bellamy, mad at the Grounders, mad at the idiot who burned down the smokehouse but mostly mad at myself. I'm mad at myself for yelling at Jasper, even though he was just being protective. I'm mad at myself for not being able to make this gunpowder fast enough. I'm mad at myself-

"Shit!"

I'm mad at myself for blowing up the gunpowder and covering my face in ash.

So we now have one and a half batches because my dumb ass thought it would be a good idea to cut corners and do multiple batches at once. Awesome.

I stole a cloth from Octavia's side of the tent before stepping outside to go wash my face off in the tent where the water dispenser was.

"You fulfil your lifelong dream of becoming a chimney sweep or something?" Someone said as I entered the tent.

"Shut up, Murphy." I replied, definitely not in the mood for his stupid, snarky comments right now.

"What's got your panties in a twist, Sunshine?" He replied amusedly. I said nothing and dipped the cloth in the bucket of water under the tap. I wiped it over my face to get the soot off, the cool water feeling refreshing on my skin.

"Why are you even in here?" I asked in a bitter, annoyed tone.

"Had to get all the fish guts off my hands," He replied, wiping his hands off with a damp rag before carelessly tossing it into a crate with some other cloths and rags.

"So that's what that smell was. Thought it was just you." I commented, wringing the rag out that I had used for my face before hanging it to dry.

"You missed a spot, doll." Murphy noted, his eyes narrowing slightly with a small, lopsided smirk, somehow managing to ignore my comment.

I wiped over the spot on my cheek he was looking at with my sleeve before trying to shove past him and out of the tent. But Murphy stopped me, holding my arm and bringing me back to face him.