Loki oneshots

You Want Me To Braid Your Hair? (Loki & Natasha)

A/N this one takes place post-Loki season one and he is in a very-similar-but-slightly-different-so-the-fic-works timeline

After a string of mistakes and too many bouts of awful luck to count, one thing finally goes right.

Loki finds a TemPad.

He doesn't check what locations are on it. He doesn't care. Right now, his only priority is getting out of the TVA. He can't spend another minute in this place. It's nothing more than a mockery of the real TVA he'd been so close to taking down. And the Mobius and B-15 who don't even know who he is? Just piss-poor icing on an already spectacularly shitty cake.

So he hops right through to the first location he finds.

Loki steps through the Time Portal and closes it behind him. Looking around, there's not much to go by. He's surrounded by nothing but sand as far as he can see. This is what happened when he stole the Tesseract, too. What is it with him and deserts?

He looks down at his TemPad to find a new destination. In the blaring heat of the sun, it's almost hard to focus, and he has to shield the TemPad from the light to see the screen. He'll just find another location and —

Nope, that's the TVA.

Okay, next location. Ah, somewhere on Midgard in 2015. There are worse places to be. He opens up a Time Portal and steps through...

And he steps back out where right where he was just seconds ago.

"What the...?" Loki smacks the side of the TemPad. Is this thing broken or something?

He opens up a portal to Midgard again. Maybe it was just a one-time glitch. He walks through it, and, once again, he's right back where he started. So he must actually already be on Midgard. It must just be sending him back to the last non-TVA location he's been in. That's an easy fix. He'll just pick a different one.

He flips through to check out the other locations saved on here. TVA, Midgard, TVA, Midgard, TVA, Midgard --

Oh, this has to be a joke. Does this TemPad only have two destinations? That's ridiculous. And it's not even a useful destination. Nothing's happening. There's not a single person or a building or a sign of life at all nearby. This may be the single most useless piece of garbage he's ever had the misfortune of laying his hands on.

Loki cups his hands around his lips and looks up at the sky. "Heimdall?"

Absolute silence.

"Heimdall, open the Bifrost!" he yells. "I need to talk to my father!"

He waits. Still no Bifrost.

As a last-ditch effort to get home, he says helplessly, "I promise I won't try to kill anyone again?"

Nothing.

Loki sighs. So Asgard's a bust. For all he knows, Asgard doesn't even exist anymore. When was Ragnarok supposed to happen? It was sometime this decade, wasn't it? Maybe it's already happened. Maybe he has no home to return to.

Or maybe Heimdall just doesn't want to let him come. Maybe he's not welcome there anymore. After all the shit he's done, he should have expected that. Even if there is still an Asgard to return to, they wouldn't trust him. Asgardians are notoriously gullible, but it would take a fool to make that mistake one more time.

Loki opens the portal again and steps back through, like it will change anything. TVA. He steps through again. Midgard. He steps through again. TVA. He steps through again. Midgard. He steps through again. TVA.