Broken (18+)

Chapter 4 - his special place

⚠️ Trigger Warning for the chapter ahead! Self harm! ⚠️

Veronicas POV

Its Sunday. I've spent the whole day in my room, studying. I actually love to study, knowing I don't have to stress and cram all the work in my head the night before, is relaxing. And it allows me enough time to ask my teachers about topics in unsure of in the work. Overall, studying has helped me achieve and maintain my high academics in school. I have been talking to Lynn and the rest of our group on whatsapp throughout the day. Jason seems to be awfully quiet, which is unusual for him since he's always sending us dumb memes. They're actually quite funny. So I message Jace privately and ask him if everything's okay with Jason. After a while, I hear my phones notification go off, and I read the message from Jace: "he's got girl problems🙄 he's being so dramatic about it too."

I don't know why, but i peel a pang of pain in my heart, knowing that Jason has another girl. I thought we had something, but clearly, I was mistaken and he doesn't feel anything for me. I let the group know I'm going to sleep and ill see them tomorrow at school. Finishing off my studying for the night, i get dressed and do the usual routine of locking all the doors and switching off all the lights in the house, then I proceed to climb into bed. My mind wonders through the past year. From being in the best relationship in my life, to getting my heart broken. Then finding amazing new friends at a new school, to ending up killing one of them in a fight, and the other one moving overseas and barely talk to her because of her parents. Now I've moved to a whole new country, thinking I've found a guy that i actually liked and started developing feelings for him, just to find out that he's already got a girlfriend, who he didnt tell me about. Its all happened so fast, I havent had time to process anything. As I lay in my bed, I close my eyes and let the sadness close in.

It all happens bit by bit. The depression, the hate, the anger, the happiness, the love, the betrayal, and finally, the numbness. I look over at the clock on my nightstand and see that its now 2 in the morning. I haven't had any sleep yet. I decide it's a good idea to go take a boiling hot shower. After showering for about 45 minutes, I get out of the shower and look in the mirror. First, I look at my back, its blood red from hot the water was. Next, I turn and look into my eyes and they appear dull, no emotion behind them. I poke my face and feel nothing. I wash my face in the sink, as I'm rinsing my face off, I notice the face razors on the edge of the sink. Slowly taking the razor in my hand, I sit down on the floor with my back against the door. I set the razor down next to me and hug my knees to my chest.

I start crying, but I'm forced to be as quiet as possible because I don't know what would happen if I work my mother up with my crying. Crying with my one hand over my mouth, the other hand falls next to me on the floor, bumping the razor blade. I slowly pick up the blade. My breathing calming down as I start to focus on how sharp the edge of the blade is. Still sniffing back tears, I put the blade against the skin on my wrist and apply pressure while I drag the blade horizontally across my skin, not deep enough to slice into the main artery, but deep enough to make blood run down my arm. Watching the blood drip down my arm was satisfying and I slowly felt better. Its almost asif it was a direct outlet for the pain, asif the blood dripping down, was the pain and hurt leaving my body.

After about 30 minutes of silently crying and watching the blood drip down my arm onto the floor, I clean up the bathroom, wrap my arm in a bandage and head to my bedroom again. This time, I fell asleep within a few minutes. I still felt numb on the inside, but the pain was bearable now.

I wake up to the sound of my alarm and look at the clock. "Shit, I'm already late!" I curse as I realise I must've slept through all of my other alarms. I jump out of bed and tie my hair in a messy bun, opting to only put on mascara today. I get dressed and put on a pair of my converse sneakers as well as a few bracelets to hide my wrist. Grabbing my bag, I run downstairs and don't even bother saying bye to my mom before I'm out of the door and fast-walking down the street. I look at the time and realise there is no way ill make it to school to be on time for homeroom. So I start running as fast as I could manage without looking like a fucking maniac.