𝙐𝙡𝙩𝙧𝙖𝙫𝙞𝙤𝙡𝙚𝙣𝙘𝙚

Chapter 38

Lana Del Rey - Ride

RAQUEL'S P.O.V

MOTHER?!

She removes her mask. I instantly remember her as the woman in the bathroom who was crying. Oh shit!

This was a set up, the bathroom thing was planned.

"Why?" That's all I could ask.

"Why? Are you kidding me! Why? You got everything and you were a few months old. Everyone loved you and I was pushed to the back. Stephan loved you more than me. I used to be the only woman that was important in your lives but then when this cockroach came out of me it all changed. You guys didn't care about me, you always talked about Raquel, Raquel this, Raquel that. I was sick of it. So yeah that's why I'm not going to feel bad for what I'm about to do." As soon she finished all I heard was gunshots. My ears began to ring.

All of a sudden I feels sharp pain in my abdomen, then my body collapses to the floor. I have no control over my body. One minute I was standing.

Next I'm on the floor surrounded by blood. I feel strong arms wrapped around me, I look up to see Ace and Roman holding me. I look past them to see another puddle of blood. I pull myself up a little bit to see dad on the floor surrounded around his blood.

I look to Ace to see his eyes are becoming glassy. "You're going to be ok. Listen Raquel you're going to be ok." He holds my hand as I feel his salty tears fall on my arm. "I love you. I love all of you." I stutter as I look to my stomach and see three big patches of blood.

I look up to the ceiling as the bright lights begin to dim, the darkness consumes my surrounding. Eventually it becomes black, I can't see anything.

I open my eyes to see myself in almost like a desert, swinging left and right, I look down to see myself sitting on a tire that's my connected to a rope. I look up to see the rope leading up towards a bright sky. I feel the cool air brush through my curly hair and I find peace in myself.

I was in the winter of my life, and the people I met along the road were my only summer

At night I fell asleep with visions of myself, dancing and laughing and crying with them

Months down the line of being on an endless world tour, and my memories of them were the only things that sustained me, and my only real happy times

I was a fighter at one point of my life. Not a very popular one

I once had dreams of becoming a beautiful poet, but upon an unfortunate series of events saw those dreams dashed and divided like a million stars in the night sky that I wished on over and over again, sparkling and broken

But I didn't really mind because I knew that it takes getting everything you ever wanted, and then losing it to know what true freedom is

When the people I used to know found out what I had been doing, how I'd been living, they asked me "Why?", but there's no use in talking to people who have home

They have no idea what it's like to seek safety in other people, for home to be wherever you lay your head

I was always an unusual girl

Denni told me I had a chameleon soul, no moral compass pointing due north, no fixed personality; just an inner indecisiveness that was as wide and as wavering as the ocean
And if I said I didn't plan for it to turn out this way I'd be lying

Because I was born to be the other woman
Who belonged to no one, who belonged to everyone

Who had nothing, who wanted everything, with a fire for every experience and an obsession for freedom that terrified me to the point that I couldn't even talk about it, and pushed me to a nomadic point of madness that both dazzled and dizzied me

Every night I used to pray that I'd find my people, and finally I did on the open road

We had nothing to lose, nothing to gain, nothing we desired anymore, except to make our lives into a work of art

Live fast. Die young. Be wild. And have fun

I believe in the person I want to become

I believe in the freedom of the open road

And my motto is the same as ever:
"I believe in the kindness of strangers. And when I'm at war with myself I ride, I just ride."

Who are you?

Are you in touch with all of your darkest fantasies?

Have you created a life for yourself where you can experience them?

I have. I am fucking crazy

But I am free

~ Lana Del Rey - Ride (2012)