Not there yet | Bughead

20: Comin' home

Finally.

I got a call from Vee yeasterday evening. I could go and get him home. He was ready. Vee's voice was sure, about his well-being, but it was also sad, which revealed me that she knew. "He doesn't know everything. It's not over after this one test," I said assuring it for me and for her.

I took a flight and she picked me up from there. For once, between us, there was a lot of silence. I think she didn't want to tell anything about him, she wanted him to tell. And from me, I was so nervous that making any normal conversation or even assemble any sentences, it was impossible.

As we walked to their home and I took slowly steps to the room we have spent many nights before, I felt tears streaming on my face. It was the first time since I heard he was here. Since then I haven't cried. But even the tears filled my eyes and wet my cheeks, I couldn't help the smile lingering on my lips. I got him.

He was asleep so I climb to the bed wrapping him in my arms, taking in all in his scent I missed so much in these past days, letting my lips touch his neck slightly, not still letting them to gave in a full kiss. As he turned stating the obvious, I led my lips find his, softly, like telling they missed their match.

After kiss and after quarter hour just cuddling, it was needed to make some sentences. "Are you sure of taking me back?" he was the first opening his mouth. I sighed. "You got me worried but not mad. And you are not gonna do this again?" I asked. He shooked his head. "Before heading home tonight, you wanna go a meeting? I have a feeling you need that?" I continued. Vee didn't tell anything, but I had a guess. "You come with me?" he mumbled and burried his face in my chest after I promised to go. Of course I would.

. . . . .

We left the house for discussing the topics about these weeks. I got the spot to go, it actually had been a place for me earlier too. When I lived here. It was the place I felt for once myself calm, relax, like I could breath. Those were rare days..

Hudson, the calming waves of the river.

I took a deep breathes for a while before telling her how I ended up here, throwing out our Airbnb guest, pouring myself those glasses of alcohol, glass after glass. And those cigarttes. For some reason I was the most ashamed of them. I hated the fact I smoked those. Why was I so stupid?

"It's okay love. Sometimes you just fell and you need to stand up again. But I'd prefer if we would do those things together," she smiled. How could she be this kind and understanding after all this shit I did. Disappearing. Fuck that was awful and messed up thing to do. "It's a three o'clock, the meeting. By the way. Before that I have time to tell you about the results," she continued and it was the first time after she came when I remembered why we were even here. The results. Suddenly my heart was speeding up its pace and my hand gripped thightly onto her hand.

"I'm.. I think I'm not ready Betts," I sighed as she placed her hand on my cheek. "It's not over yet, you wanna hear the options babe," she whispered and we sat on the bench as I blew air out of my mouth. It made a cloud since the air was quite cold. Typical day of December. It felt like there was too much in me and I kept blowing the clouds out of my mouth.

"For a start the obvious ones, there is an adoption and doner, you must guessed those ones," she started and I hummed. Somehow those ones, they didn't feel right and before I said it out loud, she said it. "But. If we don't get your perfect heritage, we are not using mine either," she huffed. No. "Betts, no," I shouted, she can't give up. "Yes, I'm certain. But hear me out," she continued and sqeezed my hand.

. . . . .

Telling him the real option number one was something I've waited too many days. I felt it physically how it was a heavy weight and just for me to carry and know. I couldn't tell about this to anyone until Jug would know. So I carried this thing and now, telling it to him, I really felt how it was easier to breathe.

Basically what we do now is we wait for him to have a new appoitment where they'll take a sample of his sperm inside from him with a needle.

"Huge needle and my balls, you are not putting those things in a same sentence, no, no, no," he said, chuckling nervously and lifting his hand to cover his mouth. "I am. I'm sorry. But apparently in many cases like these, it is somehow possible that all the living ones die on their way out, but inside you they are normal, very livible," I explained as I watched his expressions. This time I couldn't read him like I used to. He was quiet, his hand wandering on his face. He was nervous.

"Babe, it's a good thing, it's a possibility," I said and he lifted his face up, looking at me. "I guess it's better than nothing. But that needle, it's gonna come to my dreams and it's your turn to be the one who calms the other one in the middle of the night," he chuckled now little lighter and with this short conversation on the street next to the river of Hudson, we are now officially started to live with a problem, our problem.

Infertility.

. . . . .

Betty and I sat there at the meeting of AA, close to the place we just sat on the bench. That meeting place was the place I once went when I lived here. Only once I said it out loud that a had a problem with alcohol and I faced it. For 24 hours. Then I forgot I wanted to try. Until Betty came to my life again. And how she has made me a person I am today, she is amazing. And after I pulled her through this bullshit. Still there.

At home in DC I may have to continue the meetings, especially with this new problem of mine. Our problem. Even though it's more mine. We had a first heated discussion already about that after we headed back to Mantle's. I just needed to get the thought out. That she could have a baby normally with someone else. I'm a burden from now on. "You are not saying neither of those things never again, are we clear?" she was annoid. She has already said it, if there is no my genes, she don't want there hers either. I think she is stubborn and she haven't thought this through. But I'm not gonna bring that uot again until that's an option. And it's not yet. I'll face the needle and the results first.

We had a nice dinner with Reggie and Ronnie and we told them all our shit. Ronnie of course knew quite much but we had now more info. Even though they weren't thinking about family and kids yet, maybe never, it was unbelievable what kind of support they offered to us.

As we left our late evening flight back to DC, we watch the river which now have more of a meaning to us. Place where we sat and face our future, where we started a new journey, not the easy one in any way.

Old gang, new tricks 💀:
J: Hi guys. Back in DC again. From Mantle's rehab center. They were great. You know I have an amazing wife, she just took me back, just like that.
B: Jug.
J: To the point. We want a family. And we have tried. But as it turned out, it's not gonna happen like we planned. And that's why I freaked out and drank my ass off, which I'm sorry. We don't know what will happen and how, but there is no way we are gonna have baby by having sex.
B: Way to put it there Jug.
J: It's a simple way. You can ask more. But. Next year we know more.
B: And we are talking this and you can ask about this, it's easier to just open up.
K: Oh my god. I'm sorry guys. We are here for you. 🧡
T: You'll get there, you are Betty and Jughead.
C: Hobos have their ways always.
F: Cheryl! But you will get there.
A: If anything we can do, ask.

At that night Kevin and Fangs called us, like we had a facetime four of us. I got it why, they were worried and their situation now makes it little awkward. Correction, it could make things hard. But I think we can handle this, we all are trying.