Defrost my heart

Chapter 13

Jin's POV
The math exam went easy; I could focus, thanks to Jason. I worried about my feelings for days, forgetting the most important thing: my goals, friends, and family. Now that I know the reason for my absence, I could at least try to find a way to turn off my feelings for Rose.

After the exam, I went out to the schoolyard and sat down on a bench. I rested my head on my arms, placed it on my lap, and looked at the ground for a long time.

How could I hide my feelings? Or better... get rid of them. Should I try to keep avoiding Rose? When I thought about it, I remembered last night when she desperately asked me why I avoided her, so I couldn't do that. But could I control myself? I mean, she was sleeping, and I kissed her!

I slightly touched my lips... I really liked it a lot. Rose is so beautiful, such a loving person. Her voice is so enchanting; her amber eyes make me forget the world around me. Her lips are so soft, and she had a scent that resembled roses. I sighed in frustration. What am I thinking again?

''Well, I knew I'd find you here. Whenever you feel troubled, you sit here," I heard Tyler speak. I could only see his shoes before me; I didn't feel like lifting my head.
''Where is Rose?" I asked.
"Safe from you..." he mumbled and sat down next to me.
''Okay... Hani dragged her away," came the answer after a long silence.

I just nodded.
''I told Rose about the kiss," he said, but I knew he didn't do it; I just knew him too well.
"Oh really?" I joked.
''Yeah, and she was shocked and went crazy like a cat," he laughed.
''What did you do to her to make her go crazy like a cat?" my alarm bells were ringing.
''I was just teasing her," he admitted, and now I lifted my head and saw him holding his cheek.

"I hope she hit you, and that's why you're holding your cheek so tightly."
"She really did."
Now I started laughing because this just looked way too funny. But ... After a while, I fell silent.
''I'm so stupid," I sighed loudly, digging my fingers into my hair.
''Yes, you really are," he agreed.
''Thank you," I hissed.
"But I don't think you're that stupid," he said, "I mean, Rose can really drive you crazy. I think I'd have a lot of problems if she became my sister."
"What do you mean?" I growled. Does he have a thing for Rose?
''Hey, I'm just trying to help you," he laughed and raised his hands as if he was totally innocent.

''Help? Nobody can help me. My feelings are just getting in the way... it's so hard. When she hugs me, my brain shuts down," I sighed and clenched my hand into a fist, "I've always wanted a family, I've always wanted a real family, and now I'm the one who's destroying everything."
"You're not going to do that. You still have a chance to make everything right. There are two things you can do. Either you confess your love and risk what you were trying to avoid, or you find another love," he said casually.

I wanted to punch him for this comment.
''I can never confess my love; I don't want to break her even more. She is already a broken girl. I don't want to burden her with my feelings," I confessed.
But Tyler might be right about one thing. So maybe I'll find another love.
"What do you mean?" Tyler asked.

"What?"
"That she's a broken girl?"
"Oh, you wouldn't understand."
''I'd like to know what's going on. I always hear strange things; when Rose broke down, she was in a worrisome mood. What happened that you are so protective?" he looked earnest.

"I'm not obliged to tell you."
''Don't you think it's a bit unfair? I'm helping her too, after all, and I... just want to know why she's like that."
"It's unfair if I tell you. She has to do it herself," I sighed.
"You're talking about fairness? Tell me, isn't it unfair to Rose if you just kiss her?" he snarled, but regretted it right after, ''Okay, that was stupid of me. I know I'm kind of nosy, but I just want to understand," now, he was the one who sighed in frustration.