Defrost my heart

Chapter 25

Rose's POV
Tyler skillfully ignored my statement, even started talking about other things to distract me. We didn't really sleep either.

I couldn't sleep because I was worried about Jin. Worried about the nurse. Worried about my family. Tyler was struggling to sleep. I guess he didn't want to leave me awake alone. Finally, after some time, a male nurse came in briefly to check on me. As he did so, he made several rounds around us, which I thought was a little strange since no one else ever did, but I didn't mind.

''So, when you get out of here, I'll take you on a trip,'' Tyler got up again and drank a glass of water to wake up, as he forced himself not to sleep. 
I was sorry that he stayed awake, mainly because of me even though he was tired. So at this point, I closed my eyes and pretended to be asleep. 

''Rosie?''
''Rose, are you awake?" he asked after a while, in his husky voice.

I deliberately didn't move so that he would continue to think that I had fallen asleep. He asked a few more times until he sighed and gave up.

I waited a long time until I opened my eyes again, then I stared at the ceiling once more. My thoughts all wouldn't stop; I was going to go crazy.

I just didn't know how to stop these dark thoughts inside me. On the one hand, I wanted to live and finally enjoy my life, but on the other hand, I just couldn't forget what happened.

I went through a lot, always thinking about others, never really thinking about myself. I wasn't 'brought up' any differently; I only lived for others. 'You must be proud of yourself Rose, you don't need pills. You don't need them anymore. You refuse because you are strong,' my father's proud voice rushed through my head, 'You are not alone! You have Mika, Jin, Sammy and your new friends. And you've got me! I will always be there for you.'

That's right, my father was here with me... Now, I have a complete family for the first time in my life, new friends. Maybe someday I will be allowed to live normally. I would like it so much.

'You should never forget what happened; just learn to live with it. It's a part of you, a part of your history. Next, you have to start loving yourself. Love your body and build self-esteem. That's where it starts,' Dr.Martin's smile was in front of me.

When I remembered the first time, I saw him just 1 meter tall, just tall enough to reach under his knee. But, of course, he was really tall, two meters twenty. And this doctor, over two meters long, knelt down to me and gave me his hand. A slight grin played on my face.

I raised my free hand and put it over my forehead; a few tears escaped my eyes as I did so.

'People used to make fun of my height too. I used to think to myself, why can't I be smaller. But eventually, I learned to love my size. I could reach things that most people couldn't. I was the best in sports because of my size. I couldn't always fit through all the doors, and the tables and chairs were sometimes too small for me, but there's always a solution. We'll find one for you,' he often made funny faces when he told me his stories, which I really didn't find funny. But at some point, I started laughing because of it. Step by step, he helped me heal. And now I'm at a point where I can do these steps on my own. I had to expect to have setbacks. For example, to get panic attacks, to have to fight with these voices in my head. But maybe I can really get this done!

Yeah right.
Mister Howards will catch Tim, and then everything will be okay.

I felt my tears wiped away, but I couldn't tell whose hand it was since my vision was blurry. I blinked a few times and recognized the male nurse from before. He smiled at me, but then his expression changed. He grabbed me by my arms and pulled me off Tyler.