without you

cold - 1

The air was cold as always. No matter how many blankets he slept with, George was always cold. He didn't want to wake up, but he had already slept in three hours past his original alarm. Suddenly, his phone went off. George was getting a call from his mom. Shit. George had once again forgotten his mom was coming over for lunch. "Fuck, fuck, fuck." George jumped out of bed, grabbed a sip of water, and picked up the phone.

"Hello?' George tried his best to sound awake.

"Hey sweetie, I'll be there in about 30 minutes. Is that ok?" George's mother was clueless about George's mental state, but she tried her best to understand.

"Uh, yeah that should be fine." No, it wasn't.

"Alright! Do you want me to pick up anything"

Yes, make her take longer. George thought. "Can you grab some water bottles?"

"Yes I can, it might take a little longer for me to get there. Is that ok?" More than ok.

"It's fine, don't worry about it."

"Alright, love you!"

"Uh, yeah. Love you too." George never was a fan of expressing emotion.

George got to work. He quickly threw on a black sweatshirt and gray jeans he found on the floor. He looked in the mirror at himself. George found himself thinking his usual mantra when his mother came to visit. Why does she care so much? I'm a lost cause. I'll feel this way forever, there's no use in trying to help. He continued to stare at himself in the mirror, noticing how messy his room is. George knew his mother would make him go back to therapy if she saw his room looking this bad. Shoving all of his belongings under the bed, he notices a small black box. He opens it to find his razors. George sighs as he puts the box under the bed.

All he had to do now was make a quick lunch. His mother likes pasta, so he grabs a box of Velveeta mac and cheese out of the pantry and a pot from the cabinet. George turns on the tap and fills the pot with water. He places the pot on the stove and waits for it to boil. Dark thoughts keep rolling in. I could get out of this easily, just put my hand on the stove eye. Then I could go to the hospital and I wouldn't have to fake a smile for my mom. George is interrupted by a loud sizzle. The water boiled over. Just like his emotions would eventually.

Forty minutes pass and the "gourmet" mac and cheese is ready. George's mom would walk in any second now. She never knocked because she knew he wouldn't answer hoping to drive her away. George hears grunting from the hallway outside his apartment followed by the sound of things tumbling down the stairs. "Dammit!" said a woman's voice. Shit, it's her. George quickly combed his hair with his fingers. He paced to his door, took a deep breath, and opened it.

"Excuse me, do you need some help?" George said, trying to mask the fact he knew it was his mother.

"Yes can you-" She was kneeling picking up water bottles. "Oh, George!"

"Mom? Hey! Let me help, those are my water bottles anyway." He picked up a few bottles and opened the apartment door. His mom went in first, examining the place. George heard her whisper something under her breath, but he wasn't sure what. They shuffle to the fridge and put all the bottles in. George and his mom lock eyes for a moment and he looks away while his mother continues to look.

"Have you been getting enough sleep?' George's mother asks, continuing to look into his eyes.

"Of course, I take melatonin when I have trouble falling asleep which helps too." What he didn't mention is that he takes it in the middle of the day when he doesn't want to exist for a few hours.