Girl grennie

Chapter 13, Apologise

~Time skip, dusk~

(Your pov)

I layed in my hammock while other boys went to sleep really early tonight because they start the real work tomorrow. It's is rarely that I lay outside in my hammock because I neither work all day or sleep with Newt in his room. I layed here rest of the day and overthinked a lot.

I don't understand why Newt won't tell me things and I always have to put things through an investigation to find some stupid bullshit Newt could have told me but he always seem so afraid of telling me anything. Am I making him so nervous? If he told me I wouldn't lay here worrying myself, but no. Newt does have to keep his mouth shut when I need him to speak.

I heard steps come towards my hammock and I weren't going to talk with Newt until he telles me everything that bothers him. That might take a while too, but this communication between us works just one way so that gotta change.

-Love, Newt said almost whispering and I sighed opening my eyes seeing he sat on my old cloth box beside my hammock. -Am sorry, Newt said playing with his fingers being nervous already. I didn't say anything and Newt swallowed down hard breathing more heavily. Newt got really pale and I have never seen him so nervous before. I didn't understand why, but at least maybe now he will open up.

-I..I know you are mad and am sorry for lying to you. I do trust you love, but I don't want to lose you because I say something stupid that might change the way you think of me. I. I. I got many problems like overthinking, being overprotective, controlling and having those bloody stupid panic attacks when I worry too much. I know that you noticed everything yet I don't want you to worry. Worry just like I do gaining this anxiety because I feel like am not good enough for you. You have always been so open to me and I know how to help you if you do have a problem which is getting rarely because you got so confident and am hanging behind. Am worried that you will leave me again because am not taking good enough care of you, that you will think that am simply just a wrack not worthy your love, a bloody pathetic crybaby who is afraid of opening up because of all those small annoying yet painful things inside me that might push you away. I love you Liz and with you love I don't feel like a loser who doesn't have a bloody idea on how to make you feel like the most amazing, extraordinary, beautiful and sweet girl in the world. I don't know how and I keep trying but I don't feel like I try hard enough. Like it's not good enough for what I know you deserve, Newt said with tears rolling down his cheeks.

I rose up from the hammock and hugged Newt tight sitting in his lap. -All of this started when I arrived being so lost and confused. I felt I was missing something, that wicked took it away from me, but Liz you filled most of this empty hole in me making happy again. You don't have an bloody idea how much I appreciate you, love you and will always and forever do. I didn't tell anyone about my problems because I knew they won't understand it or make fun of me. I know you won't, but I still hesitate to ask for help and am sorry about it love. I keep trying and will because you learned how and it's time I do too, Newt said with a small sob hugging me. I opened him up. Finally. -Tell me everything. No matter if it's stupid, difficult, embarrassing or just bad. I won't judge you honey. I want you to feel happy on the inside and outside so just take your time and let everything out along with tears, I said smiling at Newt playing with his hair calming down little bit.

~Time skip, 2 hours~

It was getting late and the therapy hours were still rolling. I didn't mind staying up late as long as Newt had things to take off his chest and it really was a lot. I didn't know somethings and now I could adapt to what makes Newt feel even more comfortable with. How I should comfort him and make avoid panic attacks. Newt also seem much calmer and relaxed after crying everything out telling me the truth about many things.