Her Will to Live

Chapter 1: Gracelyn Mae

GRACELYN'S POV
"I am insecure from head to toe. I'm too short to be pretty, my eyes are too dark. The scale says I'm underweight, but I don't think that's enough. I plaster on a mask, but feel overly weak. I have no voice and no power to speak. My skin has scars only for me to see, and when I am gone the pain will no longer be."

I glance down at the paper I have unintentionally abused with my thoughts. My entire body shivers knowing I am the only one who knows my deepest inner thoughts. My ears capture the sudden sound of footsteps heading towards my bedroom and I immediately scrunch up the paper before tossing it in the trash can beside my desk.

"Knock knock? Is it safe to come in?"
Mum jokes as she steadily opens the door peering around the side of it, causing me to giggle as I nod in approval for her to enter.

"Considering it's the holidays, Grams has invited us to stay at the lake house with Serena, Lucy, Kyla, Taliah and herself for the week. We'll be leaving in half an hour if you decide to come," Mum explains, "I thought I'd check in with you before accepting the invite though. So what are you thinking Kiddo?"

I sit in silence for a few moments contemplating my choices. I could tell Mum I'll go and I would get to gossip with Serena, my cousin who is the same age as me, about the most random stuff and I would get to go kayaking with Taliah, my oldest cousin. I could play with the twins, my younger cousins - Lucy and Kyla too. Grams and I would also be able to bake more of our famous chocolate chip cookies which is always a delight. On the other hand I could stay home and overthink everything that leaves me in tears every night. I know what will make my family happiest and I know what is best for me, but I cannot find the motivation to actually go through with it and say yes.

Mum sits on my bed and waits patiently for my answer. I slowly turn my chair that sits at my desk to fully face her and I breathe in a shallow breath before revealing what I want to do.

"I know how much these family trips mean to us all, but my friends have our holidays fully scheduled from going to the mall to having parties and sleepovers. I just-," Mum stops me mid sentence.

"It's okay I understand possum. I had a feeling you'd be busy so I told Grams in advance this would most likely be the case and she said she is totally fine with it. Your cousins are okay with it too, but they would like to catch up with you some stage during this holidays. I know you'll be okay here alone, so I'm still going to be staying at the lake house with them. You know to call me if you need me." Mum flashes me a smile, kisses me on the forehead and leaves my room to begin packing.

I didn't entirely lie about the scheduled weekend. I was invited to hang, but I haven't agreed nor declined yet. I've just been getting hung up in my own thoughts and haven't come around to talking to my friends.

I spin back around in my desk chair and gaze up at a portrait hanging on my wall from our last full family vacation at the lake house. That holiday lasted for three weeks and holds the best memories. Everything was great back then.

The photo was taken 7 years ago when my Pops was still alive. I was only nine at the time. My chestnut brown eyes perfectly resembled his and my luscious golden brown curls hung heavy over my shoulders as his did when he was a young man. It's crazy how much I look like him.

I sigh heavily before standing up and face planting myself into the silk covers on my queen sized bed.

Beep Beep

My phone beeps and I roll onto my side to check what it was. I'm moderately popular at my school. Okay very popular, but the nice kind. There's a whole school chat that includes many people from out of school too who attend parties. It's used every time someone is hosting a party to give the details on it, but most importantly to make sure all the popular kids attend. This includes me. The notification was a message from the chat directed to myself.

"You partying with us tonight Gracelyn?" Dylan asked.

Dylan throws the most gnarly parties. He and I have known each other since we were 8 years old. We used to hang out a lot as children, but have slowly grown apart. Now we rarely communicate and when we do, it's him specifically inviting the popular kids to his parties to attract more people.

I type my response in words but quickly erase what I have and just send a thumbs up. I know if I didn't, Zahia, my best friend since third grade would have said something to me about not going which I am just not in the mood for. Her wrath would have also been worse considering this party is being thrown to celebrate our first year of college.

At the rate of a sloth, I climb off my bed and slowly begin readying myself for tonight's chaos.