You're Right

As the cabin pressurizes once we board the Normandy once more, I pull off my helmet. The vice I felt on my heart gave another squeeze as my interaction with Kaidan replayed in my mind. I inhale deeply, feeling eyes on me. I knew Garrus was concerned but I couldn't face him—not now.

"Commander?" Kelly's voice rings out over the intercom above us, snapping me back to the present.

"Go ahead."

"The Illusive Man is waiting on vid comms to speak with you about what happened on Horizon."

Great. Just what I need right now. I thought grimly to myself.

"I'll be right there."

Jacob strides past me, pausing at the doorway to shoot me a glance. "Good luck with The Illusive Man, Shepard. Regardless of what he says, just remember that we did all we could. There was no way we could have saved them in time."

I nod. "I know."

He heads off toward the armory and I feel him hand touch my arm as I take a step. I pause.

"Shepard...Maybe it would be best to postpone the meeting. Give yourself some time--" Garrus begins before I pull my arm away from him.

"I'm fine," I mutter.

As I leave Garrus behind, I feel the tears welling up in my eyes once more and try to force them down. As much as I appreciate Garrus' concern for my mental state, sadness was not a luxury I had at the moment. Sure, I feel as though my heart was ripped to shreds by the man I loved and I felt like I wanted to collapse into a sobbing ball but that had to wait. I have a job to do and I'll be damned if I let The Illusive Man see my vulnerability.

Reaching the vid comms room, I take a deep breath as the tabletop lowers to form a small platform. Here goes nothing.

I step onto the platform and wait, watching the flickering of the holographic screen that materializes before me. In moments, The Illusive Man appears before me. As usual, he's lounging back in his chair, smoking and staring off in the distance thoughtfully. Seeing me, he straightens.

"Good Work on Horizon, Shepard." He says, taking a long drag of his cigarette." Hopefully, the Collectors will think twice before attacking another colony."

I purse my lips with a frown. "It wasn't a victory. We may have interrupted the collectors, but they still managed to abduct half the colony."

"That's better than an entire colony, and more than we've accomplished since the abductions began." He shrugs. "The collectors will be more careful now, but I think we can find another way to lure them in."

"How exactly do you expect to do that?" I asked sardonically, crossing my arms over my chest. "Set a colonist under a giant box with a stick and rope attached and hope one of them notices?"

I can sense his annoyance but to my dismay, he remains calm. "We'll find a way." He pauses to take another drag of his cigarette before leaning back. I begin to turn to end the call but what he says next makes me pause.

"How's Kaidan, by the way?"

Every muscle in my body tenses but I turn to face him. I see the hint of a smirk forming as he takes another drag, knowing he's caught my attention.

"It didn't take long to locate your former crewmate." He continues, flicking off the ash in the ashtray near him. "Once Alliance, always Alliance I suppose."

My jaw tenses as I start connecting the dots. When I had heard in the mission briefing that Kaidan was stationed at Horizon, I thought it had been just a happy coincidence. Not that I believed in fate or anything. Now I knew that this was planned. But why?