Odds Are We're Gonna Be Alright

Let's Just Have A Night of One-on-one

(Audiobook of this chapter available here: https://soundcloud.com/ficcable/chapter-3-odds-are-were-gonna-be-alright)

Ryan was mad at him, Matt was sure of it. They were only a third of the way through their late-night recording session, but it had become obvious that Ryan wasn't interested in any conversation that wasn't for the show. As soon as the record light was off, their banter ended. It wasn't even a game Matt liked; it was Dark Souls, so he couldn't even offer tips and suggestions for after the mics were off. It had been a long 2 hours.

Matt adjusted his glasses while waiting for Ryan to finish his bathroom break. Matt could feel the muscles in his limbs twitching in anxiousness. He probably looked like a wreck, fidgeting alone on the couch, but he couldn't help it. The darkness of the night filled the windows in the small room, making Matt feel more alone than usual, as if the darkness was closing in on him; surrounding him.

And as soon as Ryan stepped back into the room, Matt couldn't help blurting out, "Are you mad at me?"

Ryan had been wiping his wet hands on his t-shirt to dry them, but stopped to blink quizzically at Matt, "What?"

"Are you mad at me?" Matt doubled-down. "Because, like, you're acting really weird and I want to know if I did something to cause it."

Ryan opened his mouth to say something, then opted against it to first sit on the couch next to his friend. "Sorry, I'm not mad at you, Matt. I just... got a lot on my mind I guess."

Matt lifted himself off the couch high enough to cross his legs underneath him before sitting back down. "You can tell me, if you want. I'm all ears."

Taking a deep breath, Ryan looked down at his hands, exhaled, then looked back into Matt's eyes. His stare was pensive, focused, "It's about... earlier, actually."

"Oh," was the only word Matt's brain could offer. It seemed to echo in the silence of the room.

Ryan scratched the top of his head, searching for any kind of distraction before starting again, "I'll tell you, but you gotta promise not to laugh."

Matt held up a boy scout sign with his right hand, left hand placed over his heart, "I swear, scouts honor."

Sighing, Ryan rubbed his hands together before he asked, "Is it... is it gay for us to keep kissing like that?"

Matt bit the inside of his cheek to stop himself from grinning.

"You promised not to laugh!" Ryan scolded, his face turning a cute shade of red.

"I'm not! I'm not! It's just-it's not gay, Ry, we're friends. You've kissed Jackson and Harrison before and it wasn't gay."

"Well yeah, but I don't feel anything when I kiss them," admitted Ryan.

Matt was taken aback, "You feel something when you kiss me?"

Ryan's face flushed again, "No-no, I-I mean like, like I just feel..." he waved his hand around as if to signify whatever it was he was feeling.

Matt stared hard at Ryan, his face stuck in a puzzled expression.

"Like... anticipation, I think? Like, I feel just something happening. I feel all bubbly and jumpy. Maybe that's anxiety? I don't know..."

Matt nodded, sort of understanding. "Well, do you think that you'd feel that way if you kissed someone that wasn't me?"

Ryan looked off into the distance for a second before answering, "No... Maybe? Eh, I don't think so."

"Have you not... kissed anyone in awhile?" Matt asked, careful not to sound judgmental.

Ryan glared at him anyway and Matt held his hands up in surrender, "It was just a question, sorry."