Odds Are We're Gonna Be Alright

There's No Turning Back

(Audiobook of this chapter available here: https://soundcloud.com/ficcable/chapter-4-odds-are-were-gonna-be-alright)

Head pounding, sunlight burning his eyes, Matt groaned as he awoke. He could feel a weight around this chest, and squinted enough through the brightness to see Ryan's left arm draped across him.

"Fuck!" spat Matt, but quietly; he didn't know how late/early it was yet. His own phone wasn't in his pocket, but he could see Ryan's still propped up on the table in front of them. Matt reached for it slowly and carefully, trying not to wake Ryan. He pushed the power button and it read "7:14 am."

"Fuck..." he groaned again. He rubbed his aching forehead, the hangover already starting to settle in. "What even happened last night?" Matt whispered, mostly to himself. He tried to think, he remembered alcohol and TV time but nothing specific, everything seemed to blend together like a thick soup in his head. He remembered... something about Ryan. Kissing him maybe? Or had Matt dreamt that? Something obviously must have happened for Ryan to end up on the couch as Matt's big spoon, but what ?

Curiosity getting the best of him, Matt flipped through the unlocked phone for any evidence and... bingo! They recorded a video of... the couch? Matt watched the video and turned the sound down low, just a notch above mute. He saw himself and Ryan huddled together on a couch, giggling, kissing (their new normal) and then, groaning... panting... Matt could feel his face burn as he watched the tiny screen. He saw himself and Ryan... dry humping? Was that the word? Matt tried not to look away. Watching the video felt way too close to walking in on your parents but it was himself. "Ryan, fuck..." he heard himself moan through the low-quality phone speaker. Jesus, he was obnoxious when he was horny.

Suddenly, Ryan-in-real-life shifted sideways behind him. Matt quickly hit the power button to turn off the phone, stopping the video abruptly.

"... So we did do that, huh?" said Ryan, his tone slow and even. He had sat up on the couch, staring down at his nervous friend.

Matt followed suit and sat up as well, grabbing his glasses from the table in order to see Ryan's expression properly. But he didn't have anything to add to Ryan's comment. The two sat in awkward silence for a minute, another one of their new normals.

"... Why did we agree to do this "What Are The Odds?"" wondered Ryan, careful not to sound accusatory, rather, curious.

Matt shrugged, "I don't know, I thought that us kissing wouldn't be a huge deal."

Ryan nodded, processing this, "I don't think I was thinking that far ahead when I agreed." He fussed with his long, dark hair, re-tying it into a messy bun. He sighed in realization, "... But it is a huge deal... isn't it?"

Matt shook his head, "It didn't start out that way, but... like, it hurt when you turned me down so quick," admitted Matt, an empty smirk accompanying his words. "So then it became a big deal to like... win you over? I don't know." This was too much to talk about while hungover.

"I'm just... I've never been as open about kissin' dudes as you," Ryan thought aloud, his voice low as he focused his vision on the carpet below. "Maybe this anticipation-y feeling is caused by some weird repressed gay thing I've got going on. And then last night was me... acting out."

"I can't say the same for me, I don't know where that came from," Matt tried to explain. "I don't have any repressed feelings, but I've still never done that with a dude before. We just got so... so..." Sexual was the word he wanted to use, but the word kept getting caught in his throat, not yet ready to be said out loud.

Ryan leaned his head back and growled in frustration, "Gah, why did we do that!? I feel like a fucking idiot. Everything's weird now..."

Matt reached for Ryan's hand and held it in his own, "We don't need to figure all this out right now, so, maybe let's leave everything that happened last night, and whatever else we did this week, behind us for now, okay?"