The Call

7

A/N: Thanks everybody, for all the love!

Just a few moments ago...

Jesse wasn't surprised when he saw Dr. Grey pacing in the hallway outside of Amelia's unit. One arm wrapped around herself she walked one way, stopped, looked up at the ceiling, closed her eyes, paced the other way. Arguing with herself.

Her two children seemed perfectly at ease in the hospital, Zola sitting on the bench dressing and undressing her doll, and Bailey pushing a small car on the floor. Jesse cleared his throat. "She's awake. We've paged psych. Someone will be here for a consult soon."

There was something about her- something deep and sad, but strong. Like Leanne. She just needed a reminder. "That was some move you did today, you got skills- and cahones"

She stopped pacing for a moment. "Yeah..." Dr. Grey rubbed her forehead, "I'm trying to do something."

"Amelia... right now she's got nobody."

"I know, believe me. It's just- I'm barely holding myself together right now- if it wasn't for Zola and Bailey, I-"

"I know, I hear you." He lowered his voice, he wasn't accusing her. "What I'm trying to say is-"

"She slashed her wrists! I don't understand why... My mother slashed her wrists and I had to wait until she passed out before I could save her."

It suddenly made sense to Jesse, he stepped closer. "You know if there's one thing I know about surgeons it's that they can focus like a laser. Just put everything aside and cut. I saw you do that today. It was very impressive," he paused, reached across the space between them and put his hands lightly on her shoulders. "It's not your job to save her, Dr. Grey. That's on her," he said. "But people shouldn't be alone and in pain. There are only three things you need to do. Show up, shut up, and listen. Especially listen. Can you do that?"

"I... just listen?" she asked. Light dawned in her, like she figured something out. Something clicked for her.

Jesse nodded, "You can do this." His pager beeped. "Back to work." As he turned and left he heard the squeak of the IV pole and the patter of little feet running into the unit.

xxx

"Auntie!" Bailey squealed. Zola pulled herself onto the bed still smiling. In shock, Amelia almost forgot about the bloody jeans on the floor. With one foot she slid them under the bed while she sank back onto the mattress

Meredith avoided eye contact, staring through Amelia with blank eyes. She looked exhausted, and Amelia wondered if that was why she had the IV pole. With a blink, however Meredith snapped herself back to reality and stepped closer inside.

Seeing that Meredith might stay awhile, Malaya interrupted. "I'll just be out here if you need anything." She made a careful exit, like she might blow up a bomb.

"I thought you left," Amelia said.

Meredith shrugged. "I fainted," she said quietly. She grabbed Bailey's hand and led him to the chair.

"Oh." For the first time Amelia saw how tired and exhausted Meredith was. She mentally slapped herself for being so stupid and selfish. She hadn't given much thought about how this affected other people. But Meredith didn't have to be here. "But you came back?"

Meredith picked up Bailey and sat in the chair, her son in her lap. "These people won't give up on us."

Amelia thought about Malaya. "You're telling me," she snickered.

"Derek's dead." Meredith whispered.

Derek is dead. Amelia thought and suddenly she felt sore and sick and violent. "Why, Mer?" She snarled, "Why did you leave? I didn't have anybody there that I could- and then after the funeral you just left! You took Zola and Bailey and you were gone. I was alone..." Amelia stopped herself from crying. Damn it if she was going to bawl in front of Meredith. Zola patted Amelia, seeming to understand something deeper was happening.

Bailey dropped his car and looked at his mother with worry. Meredith picked up the car as she spoke, "After the funeral... the house was empty," She swallowed. "I was in the kitchen, and there was something I was supposed to do but I couldn't remember. It felt like I stood there for hours. I kept thinking maybe this was a dream, maybe I would wake up and he would be back. It felt so unreal. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't think... he was there, everywhere in that house. He was home. But he wasn't."

Amelia nodded, she understood, but it was different for her than it was for Meredith. Derek was her brother, not the love of her life. And for her, Derek's house, empty and devoid of family was a constant reminder of abandonment. "So you left."

"I left."

"I'm still angry you left."

"I know."

"I so want to yell at you Mer, but I can't with a kid in my lap." Amelia said with a shaking voice.

Meredith offered a half smile. "That's why I brought them."

"So I'm getting a psych consult. Guess I'm crazy."

"You're not crazy," Meredith said quietly, "You're hurting."

Her words stirred something in Amelia. She picked at her bandages. "The phone cut out. He took a stupid shortcut and I lost the connection. I never got to say goodbye." A lump came up in her throat. "Derek was the only one who cared about me. I mean really cared about me. He was just starting to get me." And now he's gone. "I don't feel anything and I don't know why." She blurted, lifting her bandaged arms. "Thats why I did this, I wanted to feel something. I'm supposed to feel something aren't I?"

Meredith looked at Amelia's arms. "That's why?" she asked.

The relieved look on her face shocked Amelia. Why wasn't Meredith upset, or angry or sympathetic? But relief? It terrified Amelia. Would She leave again? Once again, she would be alone. How could she? Amelia's walls came back up again "I didn't ask for you to come here and see me like this. I would've been fine without you anyway."

Something she said hit a nerve in Meredith. For a split second a mix of emotions flickered on her face. "God, Amelia," She sounded annoyed. "What you did was a call for help. It just so happened that I was the one who got called. You didn't ask for me to come, I know. I don't know why you're here in LA, maybe to see some of your old friends because I left. But you can't just throw me out."

"It's your fault he's dead Meredith. I could have saved him, you could have called me and I could have saved him."

"It was too late Amelia..."

"I didn't get to say goodbye! I didn't get to tell him I loved him! You stole that from me, you stole him from me! And now there's nothing..."

"Fine!" Meredith shouted. She held up a hand and pointed a finger at herself. "Blame me! Yell at me. I'm mad at me. I told him to leave, I told him to go, I pulled the plug." She released Bailey from her lap and stood up. Her sea blue eyes filled with tears. "So be angry, at least you'll feel something. And you're not crazy, I'm crazy. Sometimes I yell at Derek because it's the only thing that tires me out enough to sleep at night. Or I ignore the kids and cry in the shower until the hot water runs out. You need to let yourself feel something Amelia, because there just isn't anymore room in my heart to feel for you. So figure it out!" Meredith swayed, gripping the IV pole for support.

Shaking, Meredith picked up Zola from the bed. "Come on Zo," she choked out. She started to walk out, kids in tow, and then stopped and glared at Amelia with watering eyes. "We're not done here. I'm trying. I'm trying to be here for you, and for the record I'm not angry at you... I'm angry- I'm angry at Derek."

Amelia opened and closed her mouth like a guppy. She felt like Meredith struck her with lightning. Meredith's pain so fresh and raw tore a hole in her heart and now something was starting to bleed out. She shifted in her bed and pulled the covers over her. Amelia felt like a chastised child. As if to prove a point, Zola's doll rolled out from the blanket. She clutched it and suddenly the dam in her heart broke and she sobbed uncontrolably into her pillows.

A/N Wow! That was intense! Will these two pick up the pieces? Please Comment! More next chapter on Meredith's feelings.