Unbreak my Heart (BMAW)

Chapter 4

Ji-Ho's POV

Guilt has a way of intensifying when you come face to face with the one you've wronged. My life has pretty much been uneventful since my marriage ended. I had my baby, my parents kicked me out for ruining the good name of the family and embarrassing them, I was close to being homeless and it got to the point I ate leftovers from the trash. But nothing came close to seeing Sammy that night.

At first I was confused when I saw my daughter smiling while talking to someone because Cora was acting all buddy-buddy and Cora is quiet on a normal day. So I couldn't help but wonder who it was. I was a myriad of emotions when I saw him.  First thing I felt was panic, then shame (to name a few) and being the coward that I am, I acted like I didn't know him; like it was my first time of ever seeing him in life and he was just someone that came to return the forgotten servers. And I saw hurt flash in his eyes and the guilt got worse. I hurt him. Again. For the millionth time, I hurt him. I hated myself.

He mocked me by calling me Mrs Lee. I cannot remember the last time I heard that name. When he left, I hurried back into my office in the guise of forgetting something just to calm myself. I didn't want to face him. I couldn't face him because seeing his face reminded me of how much of a horrible person I am. A horrible empty person. Leaning against the door, I bit my lip and shut my eyes tight when I felt the burn behind them showing I was about to cry.  I composed myself and opened the door when my daughter knocked and called my name from the other side of the door.

"Hi baby. I had to check to make sure we didn't forget anything."

"Did we?" She asked and I shook my head.

"No. Let's go home." I said, grabbing her hand, waving at the remaining staff and leaving the kitchen. I was glad when I didn't see any car I'm the parking lot, meaning he already left. We got into the car and it took a while before the engine finally came on and we left the lot. When we stopped at the red light, Cora began talking.

"Mum?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you know the man that just came to the restaurant?" She asked and I felt queasy. Cora is a perceptive child, introverted and good at reading people. So I wouldn't put it beyond her to have noticed the tension in the air.

"Yeah." I said softly. "Why do you ask?"

"You looked funny when you saw eachother."

"Oh." I said quietly, thinking of what to say in reply without lying."We used to be friends when we were younger."

"Why are you not friends anymore?"

"Because I did something bad to him." I decided to be honest. There was no point in lying.

"Why not just apologize and become friends again?"

"It's complicated." Apologies wouldn't be enough for Sammy. I cut too deep for sorry to mend anything.

"Hmm. Adults are weird." She said and I smiled before returning the question to her.

"Where did you meet him?"

"The wedding. He was the one that taught me how to use the bowgun! I told you about him when I got back."

"And what did I tell you when you told me about him?"

"Stranger danger. Don't talk to strangers. Don't reply when strangers talk to you. Run away from strangers. Don't talk to strange people online. Scream when a stranger comes too close to you. Reject gifts from strangers, be wary of extremely friendly strangers, trust your instincts. If someone makes you uncomfortable, run away from the person." She recited in a bored voice. "I wasn't going to go with him if he had told me to. I would have screamed because there were people around."

"Good. You're so smart!" I said while reaching out to pat her head a little. She leaned into my touch before looking out the window again.

"I don't like my school. Can I not go to school tomorrow?" She said softly and I almost stepped too hard on the brakes.

"What is it?"

"I hate all of them. They're mean. Am I weird?"

"No you're not!"

"They said I'm weird, my hair is weird and that's why I don't have any friends. And they keep saying you're not my real mum and I don't have a dad. And they keep calling me 4 eyes like it's my fault I can't see without my glasses. They're stupid. All of them."

She didn't say anything new. These are things they've been saying to her for a while now.

"Yes they are. You're such a smart beautiful girl and they're jealous. Don't let them get to you. What did you say in reply?"

"Well I ignored them and looked them in the eye and told them to leave me alone at some point. But it still made me sad. And I'm tired of it all. I don't like it. Mummy please don't make me go to school tomorrow."

"Baby you can't run from your problems." I said, feeling like the biggest hypocrite in the whole world. "You have to face them. Running away will make things worse. So you go out there, remain the smart brave beautiful girl that you are and think of the face that you'll be their boss in few years time."

She just grunted and looked out the window to watch the passing streetlights. That night was a difficult one: Cora upset because I insisted that she go to school, me feeling guilty enough to keep me awake. The next morning, we were both cranky. She didn't eat much of her breakfast and didn't go to the bus stop with the same energy she did with the previous day.

I considered transferring her to another school but I was worried she would have more difficulty fitting in. There's also the fact that I have kept her from her father all these years. At first, I didn't even know how to contact him. Then I couldn't find the courage to do so. I sighed. All that thinking wasn't giving me any easy answers. I had a headache and it was still just morning.

Just then, Eli, Cora's dog trudged up to where I wasstanding and I remembered I failed to feed her. "I'm so sorry" I said even though she couldn't hear me. Eli is an 11 year old deaf Shetland sheep dog we adopted the day before she was to be euthanised. Cora had been 4 then. They loved each other at first sight. I tried to convince her to get another but she insisted on that one, so we got her and Cora called her Eli. Eli is exteremly affectionate. She may be old but she owns a big part of our hearts.

I fed Eli and then left the house. I first go to the hospital to see Angie's mum and give them some food, then I get to the restaurant and have a pretty much uneventful day. The rest of the week goes the same way. The only exception is the guilt that I know where Sammy is and I'm yet to tell him about his daughter. The guilt is enough to keep me up at night.

Friday afternoon, knowing that the Sous chef will be able to take lead, I quickly send a text to Sammy with my heart in my mouth. He replied not long after with one word. No. It took a while to convince him to meet up with me and so immediately he did, I left. The car ride to the address he sent to me was a nervous one. I kept biting my nails and my heart kept pounding in my chest. I almost chickened out but my conscience wouldn't let me put it off any longer. I had no excuse to keep them apart.

The cafe was in the good part of town. I quickly sent a text to him to let him know I had arrived and asked for a cup of coffee and two slices of cake. I was just about done eating when I heard the bell over the door ring as someone came in. I looked up and instantly felt ill. I waved to call his attention to where I was and he began walking over to where the table.

He looked really good and it wasn't just about the fact that he looked well cared for. We were the perfect example of from grass to grace and from grace to grass. But I was genuinely happy for him. He worked hard to get to where he was and his efforts paid off. I began wondering if he was married because I didn't want to ruin anyone's family. I hadn't thought that far when I messaged him. True, there's no ring on his finger but that doesn't mean he isn't married. Not everyone wears their wedding ring everywhere they go.

He looked irritated to see me and I couldn't fault him for that. After all I'm the bitch that walked out on him in the middle of the night.  When he sat down and placed his order, I asked for another cup of coffee. When he looked at me expectantly, I realised I didn't have a laid out plan on how to break the news, so I decided to just blurt it out and that was exactly what I did.

And then he laughed.