Maybe Before Today

Chapter 4

By the time Friday came, Lex and I had been talking a lot more in class. It was really strange, but she actually was nice. To me, at least. I had also walked past her threatening a first year, but she was always perfectly nice to me. Ziggs had been right, I just had to give her a chance.
We saw her again with Ethan after school but I decided to just ignore it and stop jumping to conclusions. I didn't know what it was that Mr Houston had wanted to talk to her about on Monday but whatever it was reminded me that I really didn't know what's going on in her life, nor was it my business. I think I was just looking for a rational reason for why I was so intimidated by her to negate my suspicions of the real reason. But I no longer was, so that wasn't an issue.
Or so I thought.
When I got home that day, my dad had left me money to order dinner but I really didn't feel like pizza or chinese, so I just left the money and cooked myself some pasta. I did consider pocketing the money, eliminating the evidence that I had made pasta and pretending I got a pizza but I couldn't. Had it been my mum's money, I'm 99% sure I'd have done it, but I couldn't do that to my dad.
After making my pasta, I went to my room and switched on the TV. I wasn't able to pay a huge amount of attention to whatever crappy sitcom I put on, though. Much as I tried to act like I wasn't inordinately anxious at school, I constantly felt as though there were nails digging into the sides of my neck as my lungs were crushed. I was having permanent trouble not having panic attacks in the middle of class and it was getting harder and harder to hide.
School always made me anxious. It had done for my whole life. But I was keeping another secret that was pushing me right over the edge. It was one thing getting Ziggs to leave it alone, a whole other thing getting myself to stop dwelling on it. And I was doing a bad job at both.
Before I knew it, my pasta bowl was discarded on the floor and the front door was opening. I assumed that was my mum since she was supposed to be home an hour before, but the voice that called up to me a few seconds later proved my assumption wrong.
"Alice, honey!"
I walked downstairs, dreading the inevitable question.
"How was school?"
I followed him into the kitchen, sitting down across from him.
"It was okay."
"Just okay?"
I sighed, "Dad-"
"You've not said any more than that since you started back. How's Ziggs? How are your classes?"
"Ziggs is fi- They're good. And my classes are okay. English is fun, maths is terrible, shop is okay, I guess."
"What are you gonna be doing in shop?"
"No clue. It's just been mostly being taught how not to cut off our fingers and talking."
"Ziggs took shop?"
"No. The girl I'm next to in shop is also next to me in English. We ended up talking a little."
"What's her name?"
"Lex."
"She's the one that scares you, right?"
"She does not scare me."
He smiled, "All right. What did you have for dinner?"
"I just made pasta. Wasn't really in the mood to order in. I'm just gonna go back upstairs."
"Um, okay."
I smiled at him before running up the stairs, closing my door and leaning against it. My heart was starting to flutter in my chest, my lungs felt like they were vibrating and my hands wouldn't stay still.
After removing my jumper, I slid down the back of my door and buried my face in my knees. I hadn't intended to say anything to him about Lex. I wasn't sure if he would take it as "I finally made a second friend" or the truth. I knew I was being paranoid, but knowing me and my lack of talent in the area of friend-making, it wouldn't have shocked me if he figured it out. Although, I hardly saw how how that would be possible when I'd hardly figured it out myself. I still had no idea if it was even true. Why was I getting so worried about other people catching on?

~

(A/N: Sorry if I'm a bit inconsistent with posting. Also if some things don't flow properly. I thought now would be a great time to write this story since I'm off school with ✨covid✨ and I have time but nope, turns out I just feel like crap and have no energy so my ability to write is just dead lmao)