Yes I'm A Girl

5

"It was me Jayden," Chad whispers as he kisses my neck and moves upward to my jaw line.
"What was?" I ask pulling away from him, feeling very uncomfortable. He rubs his hands around my waist and pulls me in closer as he kisses the back part of my jaw.
"I did it. I was one of them attacking you that one night." He whispers as he kisses me harder. I pull away and see his eyes focus onto me. He acted like this was no big deal? How could Chad do this to me?! I would have never thought this. But he was the first one to find me, and same with Ross! Was Ross in on it too?
"Jayden?!" I turn to see a man in a tan shirt and camouflage pants with brown combat boots, like an army uniform. Blake. His face sinks as Chad kisses my neck. The kiss is soft and warm.
"Blake!" I say it but it's too late he's turned away. I look at Chad who's moving upward to my lips. I knee him in the stomach and run. I run for Blake, hoping I could explain this, even though I never thought Blake would like me. But I can't catch up to him. What happened? I scream Blake's name but he's driven off-
"Jayden?!" I feel someone shake me, "Jayden wake up!"
I sit up and I'm suddenly in bed. Just a dream. It's Chad now staring at me his eyes squinted a little as he sits back in his bed. I brush my hair back out of my face with my hands and breath deeply.
"You looked scared," he laughs just a little bit and lays flatly on his back. "What was the dream about?" I pause. Do I tell him? Do I tell him he was making out with me pretty well, or even worse tell him he was the one who attacked me? I look up at the ceiling and feel my neck for anything wet like a kiss. Nothing.
"Just, you know," I get up to get dressed for the day. My knee is still bruised darkly but not swollen anymore. It still hurts when I put pressure, but walking and running doesn't affect it. I'll be alright for the game. Chad doesn't answer and just goes onto his phone. He has on black nike shorts and a blue t-shirt that has SLU on it.
"What do we wear to the game?" I ask as I look through my bag.
"Anything. We change in the locker rooms-" he stops and sits up staring at me, "well we do, and then we go out to warm up in front of the crowd."
"In front of everyone?" I say stopping what I'm doing and staring at him blankly. He nods and flops back down on his back. I can't stop thinking of the dream. What did it mean? Should I listen to it?
We all step into the locker room and everyone finds a small locker, like the ones in high school and starts to get undressed. I rush to the bathroom to go change but there's no doors, so not much help there. But what kind of bathrooms have no doors anyway? We are in the "guest locker rooms" but come on.
"Where do I change?" I ask in my monotone voice to Brent. He stops talking to the man I just interrupted and glares at me.
"In there?" He says brushing it off and going back to his conversation. I take a slow deep breath and slowly walk into the locker room. I stand alone in one corner and start to get undressed. It's not that big of a deal because I wear underwear and a bra so it's like a bathing suit practically. I first take off my pants and pull my shirt down over my "area" a little. Everyone's talking while they change and all look comfortable, so I just change quickly into my uniform shirt and walk over to the mirrors to do my hair. As I walk over I notice Chad is still changing. It takes every little bit of me not to stare, not in the way your thinking, but in the way that he has no idea about my dream. Blake and Chris are talking by the mirrors so I move past them and to the mirror next to them. I brush my hair back with my fingertips and pull it into a pony tail. My hair is slightly wavy today, and looks surprisingly good for not brushing it this morning.
"So newb," Chris walks over to me side stepping Blake. I look at him and then turn back to the mirror as I put on my black LuLuLemon headband. He smirks at me in the mirror. "I was surprised you changed in here." He plays with my pony tail and I yank it out of his hands, slowly regretting doing that because it hurt so bad.
"Well I am on the team." I state and walk over to the door to where we would all go on the field and warm-up. He says something to me as I walk away but I couldn't make out what it was. Whatever it was made everyone laugh but I could only feel my face turn red for a little bit and then the doors opened. I jog out and stretch my legs out a little as I go. The crowd stops talking and there's huge silence over the field. All of the fans stopped doing whatever they were doing and stared.
"Wanna pass?" Ross asks as he juggles the ball at his feet and kicks it up to me to join in on the juggling. I juggle the ball at my feet and kick it up to my head and balance it there for a little before kicking it back to him. The crowd speaks up again as I see people sitting there and staring at me, almost like we were in high school and they were gossiping.
"Show off," he smirks and laughs a little, "but that's good, make a show for the crowd!" He smiles. Every time I look up at someone in the crowd they give me the dirtiest looks, even the women? It doesn't bother me because I know I'll show them that a girl can play just as good as men. A couple more people come out of the locker room, which are Greg, Blake, Odaine, and Gordy. Gordy walks over to us to join in on the juggle passing.
"So this is all we do? For how long?" I ask as Ross is juggling the ball on his thighs and to Greg, as I warm up my legs and arms.
"About 15 minuets, then when everyone comes out we run together," Gordy says smiling again.
"After warming up as a team, we go into a 'chill-out room' and hang there until it's time to come out." Ross says. This is so much different then the Ambush games I went to. They warmed up in a back room, and came out when the whistle blew, but Ross makes it sound like "coming out" is gonna be a huge thing. I suddenly look over as I see Chad in warmup tights, which look like the Nike warm-up leggings I have, but are probably specifically for men. They make his calves look hot and muscular, even though they probably are. It's then that I notice my shorts are by far shorter than anyone's. I start to feel uncomfortable and I decide to just focus on Ross and to talk to him.
"Have anyone showing up for you?" I ask as I pass the ball to him.
He passes it back and looks up, "yeah my mom, dad, and sister."
"Oh." I suddenly remember my dad is supposed to come to this game. I doubt he does, it's always been that way, but now that I might be a "big hit"; he might come.
"How about you?" He squints his eyes at me. I don't want my dad to come.
"Um no. No one," I say and he goes back to passing.
-
"You nervous?" Jeff asks jogging in place as the lights dim down and it's almost peer dark in the arena as we stand in the back room about to jog out on the field. I hear the announcers get the crowd warmed up and say all the advertisements.
"Nah." I say and laugh a little as the announcers introduce the Nevada players onto the field with strobe lights and shouting. The crowd gets louder after one by one as the team jogs out and stretches.
"Nice mascara" Chad snorts as him and Ross laugh together.
I roll my eyes and immediately my mouth just shoots right back to him, "cute leggings!" I say and turn my back towards them as I smirk to myself.
"Good one!" Ross laughs as I feel him smirking at me from behind.
"They're warm up leggings specially designed for men. Okay? It helps my muscles warm up and I like full coverage of my legs." He says as I turn to see he's giving me a serious look. I know he's joking, he's not that sensitive. Ross laughs to himself and soon is talking to Gordy.
"Everyone else shows they're legs?" I say as I glance around at everyone's legs, which I know is freaking creepy but just to show Chad it's true.
"I only wear these some games." He says stretching his calves. I kind of look around awkwardly still facing him as he stretches.
"You nervous?" I ask immediately regretting asking such a stupid question. Obviously he wasn't, it's not his very first game, it's mine.
"Honestly, I am." He stops stretching and looks at me and our eyes meet. I look away to the side and look down a little. "Can't imagine how nervous you are right now." He laughs.
"Nerves don't get to me." I say taking a sip of my plastic water bottle.
All the lights turn on, no strobe lights, and the fog from introducing Nevada is still hovering over the field. We all line up based on our numbers going up. No one ever told me my number and I didn't see it in the locker room since I was too busy covering my "junk". I wanted to ask someone but that'd make me look stupid so I looked on the roster list, that one of the workers had to keep us in line.
Jayden Hamburg: 00
Double zero. Didn't surprise me. But double zero could be fun, I mean it's not my choice but it figures that they'd give that to a girl on an all men's team...
"3 more minutes!" A guy from the back shouts to us as we all loosen ourselves up by shaking and moving. I stand on my toes and jump some over everyone's heads so I can see the field and all the fans. There's millions of different colors all over the stands, but I try looking for my dad and give up knowing he just said that to make me feel better, he's not coming.
"Now the next team coming out..." The announcer pauses for suspense, "Saint Louis Ambush!" He shouts, but not as exciting as he did for the home team's name. There are some cheers and claps in the stands, but not much. I'm used to this so far, nothing is any different than a SLU game, except for the fact that there's more people in the crowd.
"First up we have number 81, Blake Ordell!" the announcer starts off with the highest number on our team. Blake runs past me as I clap for him, there's claps in the audience but most people aren't even paying attention. Blake is nice to me so I have no reason not to clap for him.
"Number 77, Ross MacGregor!" The announcer says and Ross smiles at me as he runs past.
"Jayden you'll go before me." Alan, our goal keeper says.
"Oh?" I say as I clap for the other players being called onto the field even though I wasn't paying attention to who's names were being called.
"They want the goal keeper to go last." He says and I nod and go back to paying attention.
"Number 21, Chad Vandegriffe!" The crowds claps get louder than the other ones, not surprised that Chads a fan favorite... He jogs cockily on the field and high-fives all the players that are out already. As more players go pass I suddenly feel a twisting wind in my stomach. I suddenly decide I don't feel good, but I know what's happening, I'm nervous. Really nervous.
"Number double-zero, Jayden Hamburg!" I hear my name call out. As I step onto the turf grass I take a deep breath and jog slowly at first, but as I hear people whisper and I hear light claps, I know I need to just show them how strong I am. I jog faster and run past everyone else that has come on and get a couple of high-fives. But I notice Chad didn't, but who cares? It's time to show people what I can do.
-
"Jayden your gonna start off in right forward." Coach says lazily, like he didn't want to say it. I see Jeff perk up in his spot and give coach a weird look. I remember during practice Jeff saying that he was right forward. I felt bad because he is more of an original player but then again I feel good, I replaced the oldest member on the team, even when the coach hates me.
"Go out there and kick ass. I mean it!" Coach says sternly to everyone.
We take our places on the field and and when I do I walk on slowly. The team was all staring at me. I couldn't help but bring some of my attitude with me on the field. I take my place in front of the left forward on the other team. He's dark skinned and has dreads about shoulder length. He looks like he could beat my ass anytime at running, but he doesn't look like a skilled player. He gives me a dirty glance and as the starting whistle blows he passes it to his right forward and goes around me doing a give and go pass. I run to catch up with him but they're already to our defenders and finally Chris gets the ball away from the black guy. I stand next to the board and call out for the ball as he looks directly at me. He passes it to Axel who fumbles the ball at his feet trying to do a move and the right forward takes off with it. He is headed straight for the goal and shoots a low ball that curves to the corner and misses by an inch.
"Come on!" I shout clapping my hands, since as a forward I have to wait here for the ball unless it comes close to me. The ball hits off the board and to the left forward, that gave me the dirty look, and he shoots to the upper left corner and scores. The crowd stomps they're feet and shout.
"Ambush! Get your act together!" Alan shouts. He shouldn't be mad at himself, it's our fault, defiantly not a good start.
"Jayden. Come on! You gotta win the ball first!" Chad shouts angrily as the people cheer louder and the songs come bursting on the speakers. I clench my teeth trying to hold in my words I would like to shout right now. I pass the ball to Blake and he passes it back to Chad, who looks up to pass to someone, while keeping the ball at his feet. I make a run in between the defenders who were standing flat he passes a sloppy pass to Blake, who was being covered. Blake cleans it up and turns to the right dodging the defender and passes it to me. I suddenly feel a rush of adrenaline rush through my veins, and I step dribble to the net. I feel the left defender on my back and I do a roll-over move and step it back into the side I was on. He looses his balance and I take a shot with my right foot that shoots head height and straight to the post. It bangs off of the wall and I follow it in taking a shot with my left foot confusing the goalie and it eases into the corner of the goal. I wasn't expecting people to cheer for me, but I wasn't expecting what happened next at all.
"No girls in soccer!" People shout as cups are thrown onto the field and the time is stopped to clean them up. I turn to expect my team to come congratulate me, but no one comes. They stand there picking up cups and throwing them back into the crowd. The crowd boos and screams in anger. I suddenly don't feel safe at all, but I can't walk off the field, I have to stay here.
"Just stay on the field." The ref says to us. Blake and others talk with the other team. I decide to go join the crowd of players in a circle.
"Lucky shot." Chris mumbles to me as I walk past him into the center of the circle and step back a little making room for me, since I was shorter than the guys.
"You must have some dick to think you'll make it in here." The goal keeper from Nevada says squirting water in his mouth.
"May be bigger than yours." I shrug cockily and I immediately feel a yank on my jersey pulling me back. I step back in the circle squaring up to him. He shoots me a death stare but stops talking.
"Check yourself." The black guys spits at me as he walks back with his team, and gets ready to start again. I see the ref jog onto the field and towards my direction. Please can I just stay on the field! I have to!
"I'm sorry but the goal did not count." He says straight forward to me. I shake my head in confusion and laugh.
"No I didn't foul. I didn't do anything illegal. I simply did a move?!" My anger rises in my words now.
He starts to talk again but someone from behind me interrupts him,
"Ref, what's wrong?" Blake says calmly. Everyone on the field is now crowding around the ref, our team on one side the other team on the other.
"The goal just scored, does not count. Mrs. Hamburg fouled the left defender." He says sternly.
"Right in my right rib section." The left defender speaks up from behind the ref. everyone turns toward him and his team nods.
"I didn't fucking touch you!" I step forward a little. The ref backs me up but I try pushing through him as the defender shouts sexist stuff at me, which I expected, I laugh and I feel like I could punch him. The ref pulls a yellow card out of his shirt pocket and everyone jeers and shouts in the crowds. I walk off the field and to the bench. I flop myself down on the bench and sip a little water.
"What the hell are you thinking?!" Couch gets in my face and his spit lands on my nose. I wipe it off and scrunch my eyebrows up at him angrily.
"I scored! That's a goal!" I say getting up to watch the team play the rest of the game since obviously coach made it clear I wouldn't be playing this game.
For the rest of the game I was pissed. Maybe I did come on the field a little cockily but that's what Coach C always said would get you go places and get the job. I don't regret anything I did tonight.
-
We ended up losing 4-0 against Nevada. It was depressing because even if my goal did
count we would've lost anyways. As I walk to the locker room alone while everyone else walks in a big group all talking and cussing, I felt like everyone was upset at me, but I didn't care. I was mad and in a terrible mood, the least I wanted to do was talk to people. As I walk in the doors to the locker rooms coach stops me. He's leaned up against a wall and he whispers to me in a low groggy voice.
"We'll discuss the game at practice." He pauses and spits on the floor as everyone changes into their clean clothes and takes their showers. "Arguing is a coaches thing. You do not argue unless I give you permission to!" He screams and everyone gets silent for a bit and then the voices go up again. "Do you understand?" He calms down as his sweat glows underneath the locker room lights. I nod a little and walk back to my locker.
"Hey, good game." Chris says sarcastically and leans up against the locker next to me as I take off my jersey. He has a cocky look on his face, that I want to punch off, and he only has a towel on his lower half and is shirtless while he runs his fingers through his wet freshly washed hair. I glare at him and move onto taking off my shorts my trying to hide it with a towel. It'd be awkward to undress in front of a man who's standing right next to you. "You gotta pretty good fighting mouth on ya." He laughs and puts on some deodorant.
I decided I would take my shower at the hotel room, since the shower stalls didn't have any doors, like the bathroom ones.
Chris, Erik, Chad, and a couple of others went out to dinner that night, since we didn't have a game or practice tomorrow. I decided I needed to take a long shower and just go straight to bed.