Infection

Chapter 2. The happiest morning.

- Morning, love.- Fandral whispered and placed a kiss on Loki's forehead. Loki muttered something under his breath, hiding his face into the crook of Fandral's neck.- No nightmares tonight, huh?- he asked and ran his fingers through Loki's jet-black hair.- Hey! The sun is up, sleepyhead.- he purred.
- And I am not.- Loki murmured. Fandral smiled.
- Grumble, grumble, grumble...- he laughed.- Are you the God of Mischief or the God of grumbling?
- A bit of both.- Loki breathed.- And you? Are you Fandral the Dashing... Or Fandral the Annoying?
- Me? I suppose, I'm Fandral the Loving!- and for the first time in a long while, Loki felt truly loved. The feeling of loneliness was gone. Now he finally felt happy. Not for long. But... happy nonetheless. He could hear Fandral's love in his voice, see it in his eyes, feel it in his touch. It was enough. It was enough for Loki to keep fighting for his miserable life. It was enough for him to keep living. Enough to have faith in himself. Enough to make him feel better.- I...- Fandral's face suddenly became more serious, his eyes filled with worry.- Loki... I am so sorry, I didn't... I should have protected you, Lo...
- Fandral, there was nothing you could have done to...- Loki trailed off.- To save me from them.- his voice was quiet and calm. His eyes had a different story.- You're here now! And that's enough!- Loki
sighed. "I'm nothing without you" he almost said
- Aye! I am here and I ain't gonna let anyone hurt you anymore.- Fandral whispered, pressing a kiss to Loki's temple.- I swear, love.- he said.- I swear!
- It's the best morning I've ever had.- Loki sighed.
He wasn't lying. For every time he would wake up in the middle of the night, scared, with cold sweat on his face, heart sinking, head heavy. Every time he would lay there, all alone, till the dusk, hoping his nightmares wouldn't come true, hoping to die for he was not even living... He was surviving. He attempted to kill himself several times. Yes. Once or twice he had almost succeeded in that. Almost.
***
- My Prince!- Fandral called out.- Loki, wait! Lo!
- I...- Loki stopped, licked his dry lips.- What is it you wanted?- he asked. His voice cracked. Tears formed in his eyes.- So?- he coughed.- What is it?
- You... Loki... Loki, you're crying!- Fandral said.
- Pfff! Nonsense.- Loki huffed.- Of course I'm not.
- Look, I...- Fandral said something else but Loki wasn't listening.- ... Please, Lo!- Fandral begged.
- Uh? Aye. Sure. Aye.- Loki said.- Of course, Fan!
- Thank you!- Fandral breathed and hugged him tightly. Loki gasped. Fandral... Hugged him? He closed his eyes and hugged Fandral back. Maybe Loki was wrong? Maybe he shouldn't do what he planned to do? No. Nonsense. Fandral wasn't his friend... He was Thor's friend. Why would Thor's friend be kind? Wrong! Why would he be kind to Loki? No. It had to be a trick. Right? Then again, Fandral was... Fandral. Gentle. Respectful. Kind.
Maybe Loki shouldn't... No. Even if Fandral was, indeed, his friend, even if Fandral cared for him, which Loki doubted, it would not make anything better. Nah. Fandral didn't care. Why would he? He was just being grateful... Still, he lay his head on Fandral's shoulder.- Oi, someone really has a lack of tenderness, hm?- Fandral smiled.- Well, I suppose, we could get to a more quiet place, eh?- he whispered. Loki tried to pull away.- Hey, hey, I'm just kidding.- Fandral said.- I'm kidding, Lo!
- No, I just...- Loki gulped. Fandral let go of him.
- I see, Loki, I see.- Fandral said.- I just... didn't...
Ugh... See you tomorrow then. Tomorrow, in the garden!- he smiled nervously. Loki smiled back.-So... good night, my Prince.- Fandral whispered.
***
Loki went to his bedchambers. Sank to his knees. He wanted to live. He wanted to die. To sob. And also... He wanted Fandral. He sniffled. Maybe he should truly change his mind? Try to live? Try to ignore Thor? And maybe... Start a new life? Or...
***
He closed his eyes. The water in the tube was hot and calming. He relaxed. His dagger was next to him. It was a good dagger. A very good one. The one he got from a stranger, a tall well-built man in a dark cloak. Loki remembered him. His voice was pleasant. December 17th... That's when Loki got that dagger. On his one hundredth birthday.
***
- Walking alone in the forest in such a late hour?
Hmm. Dangerous.- a stranger said thoughtfully.
- Aye, for a commoner.- Loki said. His heart was sinking. It felt like the stranger popped out of the ground. Yet, he didn't let his fear show. His voice was even. The man eyed him curiously, smirked.
- Do forgive me, my Prince...- he bowed.- Yefual.
- Y... Ye... Yefu... How?- Loki raised his eyebrow.
- Yefual.- the man said. He was tall, well-built, a hood hid his face.- I thought you'd be at a feast...
- Yes, I should be.- Loki nodded.- So I'd better go.
- My prince, please, wait.- Yefual called out. Loki stopped and looked at him. Yefual held out a box and gave it to Loki.- Open.- Loki did. Inside, was a dagger! A beautiful one. Loki's eyes went wide.
- This is stunning.- he breathed. Yefual smiled. It was, indeed, stunning: pure silver, on the handle was engraved a golden "L". Absolutely stunning.
- It's yours now.- Yefual said.- Take it as my gift.
- No, no, no. I can't.- Loki shook his head. But the next moment Yefual was gone as if never existed and Loki was left with a new dagger in his hand.
***
Loki sighed. Should he do it? Or not? Why was it so hard? So unbearably hard! If he did it, Frigga would be sad. She wouldn't want to lose her son! Fandral... Would he be sad if Loki cut his wrists?
- He's not my friend.- Loki muttered.- Yet he saw that I was about to cry. Of course I denied it. Not like I wasn't about to cry. I was. Because of Thor and... Why would he ask me if I was going to cry or not if he didn't care? Why would he care if we are not friends? Maybe he'd like to be my friend? Would I like to be his friend? No. No? No. I'd like to be something more...- Loki put his hand on his forehead. He was confused. Hurt. Tired.- Damn! Why does everything have to be so complicated? Damn!- Loki groaned. He glanced at the dagger. "Now or never..."- he thought, took the dagger in his hand. One. Loki closed his eyes. Two. He took a shuddering breath. Three. Three. Three. Three. Loki couldn't bring himself to do that. But he had to. One. Two. Three. Loki winced from the pain...
                             ***
Fandral saved Loki by chance: wandering around the palace, he heard quiet screams and groans, so he followed the sound. And that sound led him to Loki's chambers... Having heard the quiet moans, he didn't dare come in. But the moans were gone, replaced by quiet sobs. He came in. Empty, quiet. At last he came into Loki's bathroom and what he saw shocked him... The water was red from blood and Loki? Loki was unconscious. He took Loki in his hands and carried him to the healers. So, just like that, the Warrior managed to save Loki's life.
                            ***
Fandral also remembered that day and the day he was almost late to save Loki. Now, though... Now, he swore, he would never, never let it happen. He swore, Loki would be safe... Safe and even happy. 
But for now, Fandral had to go. He pressed a kiss to the back of Loki's head. He really had to leave.