Joey&Chandler

One of those nights

Pathetic Mess:

"This cannot be my life. It can not be. It's too pathetic for words"

Chandler held his head in his hands, his cup of coffee untouched on the table before him, muttering to himself.

"Hey, man, you okay?" Joey's warm hand rested on his back, but Chandler didn't look up. "Your coffee's gone cold, want another?"

Chandler remained motionless,

"My life is a pathetic mess"

Maybe all sexual feelings died when he read his mothers steamy novels? Maybe it was seeing how his father looked better in high heels than his mom that killed it? Maybe his parents' overt sexualness skipped a generation? ...Maybe not.

Whatever the reason, it didn't make his life any less pathetic.

He barely heard the noise as Joey settled down next to him, and moved as a robot, when Joey pushed him backwards and thrust a cup of steaming coffee into his hands.

"Crap, that's hot!"

"Yeah, now drink it. You'll feel ten times worse tomorrow if you don't" Joey persuaded

Chandler knew he was right; it was one of the many unpleasant aspects of drinking vodka that he'd all but forgotten about from his college days. And he wasn't about to bet that alcohol tolerance got better with age.

He sipped the hot liquid carefully.

"I had to stand there and listen to her. It was like someone had walked into a church in the Bible Belt and shouted 'The Pope has died'"

Joey listened.

"I couldn't look away from her, either. It was like a massacre in a teddy bear factory in front of a group of orphans"

Joey moved closer to him on the couch.

"It was like she ripped out my eyeballs and made me watch my own life back on a movie theatre screen, in surround sound, as if I didn't get the full impact of it the first time"

Joey laid a hand on his knee.

"Then she had this look in her eyes, like you'd give a dog who'd got it's head stuck in a cookie jar, you feel sorry for it, but it's entirely it's own fault so you kinda don't care whether it asphyxiates"

Joey took his coffee cup and placed it back on the table.

"Then she actually asked for my cell phone, to erase her number from it herself"

Joey grasped Chandlers chin between his thumb and forefinger.

"Then she left me with the check"

Joey turned Chandlers head.

"This can't be my life, man"

Joey kissed Chandler.

"Okay, this really isn't my life"

Chandler mumbled against Joey's lips.

"Dude, shut up..."

Joey looked Chandler in the eye.

"...and get over yourself"

And Joey kissed Chandler again.