Joey&Chandler

Blind

I was young but I wasn't naive
I watched helpless as he turned around to leave
And still I have the pain I have to carry
A past so deep that even you could not bury if you tried

He hadn't believed it.

Deep down, he had always thought that it wasn't true. That it was just a fling.

That he would eventually come to his senses, and realise what he was missing out on.

That Chandler would leave her, and figure out that he loved Joey instead.

Joey had always thought that would happen. He had always thought that Monica was just someone to distract Chandler; something to keep him busy until he realised.

Until he realised what Joey already knew.

But now, Chandler was gone.

Not completely gone. Just across the hallway. But it still pained Joey more then anything. The man he had secretly loved for five years had left him, alone in an empty apartment. He had moved in with Monica, and Joey had finally believed.

Chandler loved her.

He would always love her.

Joey had missed his chance. He hadn't told Chandler how he felt. The fear of rejection was too strong. Joey had been rejected before; very few times, but he had been rejected. But they had just been random women. Girls that Joey would only know and love for one night.

Chandler wasn't random. Chandler wasn't someone who Joey would know and love for one night.

Joey had known Chandler for six years, and had loved him for five of those years. It wasn't just a crush; Joey had deep feelings. He had never felt this way about someone before, and he knew it was love. He had known it was love for a long time.

But the fear of rejection was too strong. If Chandler said no, Joey would have been shattered. Things would have changed forever. The group would never be the same, and Joey wouldn't be able to spend time with Chandler anymore.

It was better to love him from afar -secretly, but closely – then to not be able to love him at all. Not be able to spend time with him. To look at him. To touch him. To talk to him. To love him.

So Joey never told Chandler.

And now, he was gone.

After all this time
I never thought we'd be here
Never thought we'd be here
When my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me died when I let you go

Sometimes Joey had wondered.

Wondered whether or not Chandler loved him back.

They had always been close; closer then most.

Closer then best friends, closer then roommates. Joey had called Chandler his brother, secretly wishing he meant lover.

They had done everything together, and Joey had wondered. Chandler would give him these little looks, say these little things and it would make Joey wonder.

Had he ever felt the same?

Had he ever loved Joey, the way that Joey loved him?

If Joey had been brave enough, he would have known. He wouldn't have wondered, he would have known. But Joey's fear of losing Chandler had always been too strong, and he had never known.

There had been times when Joey had gone to tell Chandler; times when he thought it was right. But he would always either back out, or they would be interrupted.