afraid/ sameena au

2. (sam)

sam felt sick the whole night after that, she could barely get through the rest of the game.

"sam, are you okay?" peter kept asking. she would nod and not say anything, and he would shrug and leave her alone- their usual relationship dynamic.
sam sloppily cheered and applauded for the team. all she wanted was to go home. where even is that anymore?

after the game ended, she went back home and went straight to her room. her mom didn't say a word to her and neither did sam. she collapsed on her bed and opened up her phone. the first thing she had open was deena's instagram, it was almost instinctual. it used to be filled with a bunch of pictures of her and sam, but now it was just one picture of deena.

and she looked good.

sam could only imagine the girls deena was getting with now that they were broken up. sam felt like deena was always a little out of her league, and it tended to leave her a little jealous. but she never would have said anything about it, of course.

the more sam looked at the picture the more she realized she was quite literally entranced. but then the words deena said would come back.

"this is what you wanted all along..." rang in her ears. it wasn't. it wasn't even close to what sam wanted....

*flashback*

deena and sam were laying in deenas bed. sam was listening to some new music deena had found recently.

"annnd? do you like it?" deena asked hopefully. sam smiled warmly back.

"i love it, deens." deena smiled and sighed with relief.

"thank god, because it's going on the mixtape for you." they both laughed and sam went in to kiss the beautiful girl next to her.

they kissed for a while. it was comforting and nice, not super hot-and-heavy like they usually would be. it was just them being happy. finally, deena pulled away and smiled.

"what?" sam asked, now smiling back from looking at deena for too long.

"i can't wait to marry you one day." deena responded. sam could have sworn her face turned beat red immediately. deena was always such a romantic and sam lived for every second of it. sam didn't even respond, she just pulled deena back in for a much more passionate kiss. they layed back down with sam kind of on top of deena, and the rest of the night was just as good as that moment.

*end of flashback.*

sam reflected. that was what she wanted. she wanted to marry deena and have kids with her and all of that. and she lost it. she knew it was her fault.
maybe if she hadn't been so afraid.

sam woke up hours later and it was pitch black outside. she didn't even remember falling asleep. she was cold and somehow even less well rested than she was before. she grabbed her phone and checked the time; it was 4:23 am. she sighed and unlocked her phone.

she almost jumped when she saw deenas face again. ooooh. she rolled her eyes, she had fallen asleep still on instagram. seeing deenas face just made her want to throw her phone out of her window. her beautiful brown eyes, and her super soft and curly hair, and her perfect jawline with sweet cheeks....

anyway.

deep down, sam knew if she ever wanted to leave shadyside, she had to leave deena too. even though she was shadyside born and raised up until recently, she wanted nothing more then to stop the rot of it inside of her.

it didn't make it hurt any less.

finally she decided she wanted to go back to sleep. she turned over and went to set an alarm on her phone, when all of a sudden- it vibrated. sams' eyes widened and she blinked hard.

she liked deenas picture.

"no. no no no nonononon-" sam started muttering and then progressively got louder.

"fuck!" she whispered sharply. not only was the picture from 3 months ago, sam wasn't even following deena anymore. fuuuuuck. she groaned and rolled over. no alarm set and the picture unliked. she sat there wide awake praying deena didn't see it. knowing her, she would have been awake. sam tried to calm herself down knowing she unliked it.

but does the notification still go through anyway?