afraid/ sameena au

5.

kate was downstairs as deena and simon sat in kates room. simon was on his phone and deena was tapping two pencils on the side of kates desk.

"you gonna get back with sam?" simon suddenly asked her. deena looked up.

"pfft. no."

they stared at each other.

"i wish."

simon made his body language a little less questioning and more friendly.

"why not text her again?"

"i can't help but think i'm making a fool of myself." kate came in as deena started talking and sat down to listen. "she has a boyfriend. and i broke up with her, i guess. what's the point in waiting around? she has made it clearly she wants nothing to do with me, or this town, or being gay for that fact. even if we do get back together, i think she'll just leave again. and why would i do that to myself?"

kate and simon looked at each other. kate sighed and put her head in her hands. simon had a smile tugged on the corners of his mouth.

"what?" deena asked, starting to smile too. simon looked at kate, almost for approval or persimmon, and she did not look up. he smiled, and said,

"you never know until you try." simon and deena stared at each other for a second before deena started smiling too, and reached for her phone.

"i hope you know i support none of this." kate announced. simon laughed,
"as per usual, kate."

deena opened up her phone and slowly typed in sams username. they had each other's numbers blocked, so instagram was their best bet now. she held her breath as she clicked on her account and hovered over the message button.

before she clicked it, she decided to check sams instagram story. the smile immediately fell from her face.

"what?" simon asked. it was like he could tell it went wrong as soon as she made the face, without even saying anything. "deena?"

deena just looked at the picture of sam and peter. his stupid arm around her and his stupid hair and stupid... nipples???? he was shirtless? ew.
deena turned her phone to show them. kate scoffed and shook her head.

"bitch," she muttered. simon looked at deena apologetically.

"im sorry, d, i didn't think..."

"no, si, it's not your fault. don't worry. this is what we expected, right? no big deal." deena shook herself back to the real word, turned off her phone and put it on the bed behind her.
"anyway. where were we?" deena decided to ignore it. and ignore the tears burning her eyes and the lump in her throat seemingly growing larger.

after a few minutes of normal conversation, deena stood up.

"i'll be right back, bathroom." before she walked out, she swiftly picked her phone back up.

"have fun," simon said, like he always does.

deena rolled her eyes as much as she could without letting the tears fall too soon. as soon as she was out of the room, she just let it happen. hot, ugly tears all down her cheeks. she walked into the bathroom and looked in the mirror, then down at the sink.

what is wrong with me? she thought. i thought she wanted me. it feels like it was all for nothing. we were together for 10 months, a year technically, if you count the flirting. and now, nothing. i'm so glad i gave her back that stupid box. fuck sam. fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck sam, and fuck me for ever falling for her in the first place.
deena looked at herself again the mirror. she was a wreck. the girl barely wore makeup but if she did was only just a little bit of mascara and maybe something to cover up pimples, and today happened to be a mascara day. her face had black tear marks steaming down her cheeks.

ugh.

deena grabbed her phone from her back pocket and opened it again.

stupid fucking peter.

she looked back at sam's profile, one more time, and clicked a button different than message this time.

BLOCK THIS USER?
and again.
USER BLOCKED.

no more sam, no more heartbreak, no more stupid boy, and no more hope.

deena pushed down the knot in her stomach and splashed her face with water and borrowed some makeup wipes from kate, and walked back into the room like nothing happened.

nothing should have happened. ever.

"i think i have an idea," deena announced triumphantly. simon and kate looked at her questionably.

"let's drink!"