God's Crusade

Part Forty-Four

November 2041

Imogen listened to her husband from inside her sleeping gown night after night, as he tried to justify his behaviour, fuelled by too much alcohol and his crippling guilt. It was mostly incoherent, and as she could not contribute to the conversation it stayed that way most of the time. He could not say it to her face. Her withering looks seemed to paralyse him outside of their bedroom, but in private, with her helpless before him, he somehow found the courage to explain himself. She still listened almost despite herself, because she wanted to know the truth, the whole truth, and slowly she thought it emerged, between all the self-pity and the self-loathing. He apologised for hurting her, for raping her, over and over again, crying himself to sleep. He assured her that he had no choice. It was all Kieran Radcliffe. Kieran owned them, and the girls and her would suffer even more if Robin stood up to him, he was sure of that, and she believed him in some ways. Except she did not know if it was possible to suffer more. She thought of Dee, and of all the people Robin had tried to help, and she found her reactions selfish, because it only made her hate Robin more. He had risked everything they had without telling her, and had then completely exposed himself by standing for higher office. If he had told her about it, she would have told him not to take the chance. They could have left the rat race and hidden away somewhere far away from London, even if they could not leave the country. They all could have been safe.

She knew he would eventually remove her muzzle. Sooner or later, it was the logical move in his self-pity. He wanted to talk to her and in the end he would need a response. She tried to encourage it. She wiggled in her sleeping gown when he asked her if she could understand him and she even managed to rest her head in his lap at one stage. He took it as a positive sign, but it was really as far as she could move without assistance. Finally, one night, after an hour of snivelling remorse and another wiggle, he fumbled with the buttons and clumsily reached inside to unlock her muzzle. He had not exactly freed her. Her face was just about visible and it was all he seemed to be able to manage, but she could speak at long last.

"So you see...it wasn't my fault...he tricked me..."

"I can see that, but you have to do something about it," Imogen murmured from within her body bag. She had been thinking about what she wanted to say, aware that she might only get one chance. She had to make her words count if they were to have any chance. "Be a man Robin...and do something about it...get our lives back or at least stop him controlling you like a puppet master...anything would be better than this living hell for the rest of our lives. Your career doesn't matter anymore...we can't go on like this...you have to stop him controlling you and get us to safety..."

۩

"Hands," Miss Freeman demanded, catching Mena by surprise. She was wearing a blinding mantle and she had assumed that Miss Robinson had moved her from the drawing room and taken her upstairs. But she obeyed the command, of course. She trembled at the sound of that familiar voice, but her training really was exquisite. "Good girl, Mena...although that was just a test of course...I see no particular need to remove your mittens yet...but, you can curtsey instead..."

Mena fell into her best obeisance. She was always good for Miss Robinson, but her obedience to Miss Freeman really was on another level, probably because of the intensity of that period in her life. Most maidens got longer to adapt and adjust their behaviour to the demands of the doctrine. She got just a few months. She held the pose.

"Up," Miss Freeman barked, after counting slowly to twelve. "Guardianship is an honour Mena...and it is always a delight to see one's pupils thriving when one meets up with them again...and I always had a very special bond with you, of course. I always had our initial friendship in the back of my mind, and although I had to be very firm with you, to eradicate the damage your unusual upbringing did to you, I always felt some affection for you. It is a guardian's folly of course. I was not paid to be your friend or to have feelings for you...your father just wanted you trained as soon as possible."